Black Chameleon The Phantasmic Big Heist Maneuver

Lets take a peek at how things are going so far, shall we?






So. Just where do things stand here at Rancho FirstNations at the beginning of the Fall season, mouseketeers?







Right about here. Take a look at this shit. I have never in my life had tomato plants that produced like this. It's almost FRIGHTENING.
I went out to 'stop' the plants yesterday...clip all the leaves, sucker the vines off and basically put an end to the tomato tidal wave for the year. This is only a small part of what's left. This is about ten gallons of sauce, folks.
HO LEE CRAP.









...and this is a little LESS than the average size of what I've been harvesting. Beefsteak tomatoes BIGGER THAN (whatever that huge damn mountain in the background is called. The one you can't see. So much for that set-up.)



You know what? Nobody knows what that mountain's called. Nobody. I've asked. Blank stares.
Americans have no clue. Who cares? It's in Canada.
You can ask Canadians. I have. Standing right there in the parking lot of Revy with this huge glacier covered motherfucker looming in the background. And they say:
1. Oh. Is that in Canada?
2. Uhhh....Baker? (Bzz! Wrong. Baker's south, in the U.S.)
3. I dunno.
4. It's the Sawtooths. (Bzz! no, thats a RANGE.)
5. Isn't it the Cascades? (Bzz! Thats a range as well.)
6. Oh, thats the Olympics. (Bzz! Another range. To the west. In America.)
7. Vancouver Island. (Bzzbzzbzzbzzbzzzzzzzzzzzzzz....oh, fuck it.)
8. Oh. Is that ours?
9. Mt. Canada.


Never mind.



My oregano did wonderfully this year. This is a 'border' variety, grown more for it's pretty purple flowers and buds than its culinary value; although it is culinarily valuable despite that. (Woo, that just about caused an aneurism; time for coffee.)









Asper Aggus! Grown from seed, baby. Thats right.
Next year is the big one! First harvest!
Once this frost kills I'm going to put some composted manure on it and let it rot down all winter long. Oh my yes.

Aren't the dandelions doing well?









My magnificent pear harvest. Always just one, always in the same location. This never bothers me since I bought the tree as an ornamental; it's not supposed to have fruit to begin with, but there you have it. Froot.
One lonely pear.
*snif*






One thing the recent rain did was to rehydrate all the dog crap in the yard. It's a fricken mine field out there now! How do two small dogs DO all this? It reminds me of like how a newborn baby barfs up three times as much as your pour into 'em.




I hate to tell you I burned through 53 images before I finally got this one.
This is the bee nest on my porch. It's hornets, and they're living in the wall. Their entrance is where the old cable service was let in. Right by my front door.

Imagine me hanging by one cheek out the dining room window with this camera, shaking like a leaf with a huge cloud of hornets buzzing around me. I was obviously never able to get a picture of the way this really looks due to the limitations of the technology-and my courage - but believe me when I tell you there was about thirty of them at any given moment and at times they were hanging down from the entrance in clusters. GAAAAAAAAAAH.

There have been no Jehovah's Witnesses thus far this year, though.

Ah, but for all I know there IS one. He's been killed, nipped apart into
tiny bits and stored in the wall.

You can't make it out, but the wall around the hole there is spotted with crud dabbed by the hornets, who leave empty but return carrying blobs - every single one of them.
What are the blobs? Glad you asked.
Hornets live on two things: dead animals, and shit.
True fact. Didn't you ever wonder why the woods are so tidy? Hornets.
They eat shit.
My wall is full of carrion and shit.
And hornets.
Tonight, hornets, you must DIE.