Friday, January 20, 2006

The Stainless Steel Amazon

see her blog here:
Theres naked stuff. naked, naked, naked. Boy, is it naked. I tell ya. Such nakedness.
Parenting is a tough issue to try and write about. I know exactly what I'm supposed to say so that I sound like 'hip mom, been there, dealt with that', which you can go to any motherhood site on the freakin web and read; and arent they interesting? (Where are all these caring, baby-first mommies? Out on the sidewalk in front of my house with baby in a stroller at 11 at night taking a ramble down the block to go pick up a deck. Swear to God. They go by every night at 10:30, and return all jolly and fuck by 11, raucously discussing attached parenting issues. Or something.) I suppose I could go the route of 'cute things the kid did' type stories, *yawn*. As you may well imagine, those type of stories take on a somewhat Dadaist shading when taken out of context, given THIS family.
So I'll just brag.
The Stainless Steel Amazon came into the world in the attic of a house in Seattle, and the first thing she did was take a steaming evil black babyshit on her father. We had to trade that one in and get a new one. She shit on him, too, but luckily he was brought up in Alaska, eating whale blubber, riding harleys naked through the blizzards to carry serum to smallpox villages cut off by the weather, and killing small animals with his teeth; so he was made of sterner stuff, and we kept that one.
She went to public school, got good grades, was nominated for the gifted students program and eventually finished her 12th year on the honor roll, despite which she managed to obtain an education. Puberty was evil, evil; she survived that. Boys ran the gamut of sweet darling throw pillows to sweet darling abusive disgusting sick pervy wads of fuck that need to die before they can reproduce. She survived them quite nicely. She survived the parents of these boys too, which was no mean feat; a couple of these folks were total turd casseroles. She purely refused to be cowed down by anything or anyone. She had no problem telling adults to go take a flying leap when they were trying to run that 'you have to respect me; I'm older than you' bullshit on her...she called a fool a fool. AND SHE WAS RIGHT EVERY SINGLE TIME.
She never stopped talking to me.
She is a fantastic mother. She gave me the honor of helping deliver her son, and she had him right here in my front room ( the carpet's been cleaned). She had a midwife who took care of all the 'southern hemisphere' stuff while I mainly tried to stay out of the way and be useful and not tweak. And she was a goddess. She was the image of God. It was amazing. Her son was born a little buddha, quiet and cerulean with a little caput indicating divinity, and when he woke up, he looked as though he already knew everything in the world. I cut the cord. It was ooky.
She and her son live in a cool little house in the woods adorned with tibetan flags. When she isn't there she is either attending college or working.
She is a drop dead gorgeous blonde bombshell with a non-traditional job and a kid. She can do incomprehensible mathematical equations pages and pages long; she put together her own computer, she votes and she isnt drug addicted, on welfare, or a furry.
I'm happy with her.

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