Saturday, February 07, 2009

Release the Hounds

By the end of next week I will have sent my first story to be published by an actual 'we will give you money' type publishing outfit!

I expect nothing. I have no illusions about my skill or my chances. Aw FUCK no. But just doing this is a rush and a half! And I figure I'm going to keep on doing it if only to learn a lot, first hand, about what not to do and how not to do it...and what the fuck, right, I'll be learning it free, and firsthand! THIS MAJOR BIGTIME TOTALLY KICKS MAJOR ASS MAJORLY!!!!!

Back when I was still doing visual art as a primary medium I found it was pretty easy to get shown and even to sell. I'm not talking about anything huge here, but just that if you do it, chances are that someone else will notice. I've done business cards, concert posters, an album cover, tons of automotive art, tattoo designs, portraits, cartoons, just all kinds of shit, and been paid for it too. It was no big deal. No formal training, no portfolio, no nothing. I just put it out there and did it.

I'm hoping it turns out to be the same way with writing...that the big, huge 'thing' that I've put up there about it's being difficult and frightening and only for such and what kind of qualified people is just that....a thing.


Wednesday, February 04, 2009

Legalize it

Oh my God lets all jump up and run around in circles flapping and tweaking because Michael Phelps smokes dope! Lordy lordy shit oh dear!

my man phelps sparking off

Yeah, who'da thunk athlete smoking dope. What IS the world coming to. Not even his top sponsors give a fuck.

Look at him. Please. If I thought it would give me a middle body like that I'd smoke a hell of a lot more of it than I do now. Unfortunately it gives me a middle body like Jello Pig.

Right about now the best thing that could happen for this fucked up economy is the legalization of marijuana. Its time. It is really, really time. Slap a tax stamp on that shit like they do cigarettes and watch the dollars roll on in. Now lets look at Mark Spitz.

You think this boy here didn't be mokin da doink? Please. He put ALL KINDS OF THINGS in his mouth.

Is this messing with anyone else? Because I remember that swimsuit being a hell of a lot briefer, I truly do...although that could be time and wishful thinking operating on my memory. I also remember that rockin' little happytrail and I see I got that right, at least. God bless the photographer who thought to mist him down lightly with baby oil before this shoot, and God bless You, Mr. Spitz, and your happy trail, wherever you are. Burn one for me. Now we need to look at Michael Phelps again:

Whoever decided to make this picture the Sports Illustrated cover shot needs to be hit with an orange rubber shoe. The only thing I can think of is that they didn't want to intimidate their straight male readership. Seventy-leven gold medals and good looking too, laying there on the coffee table laughing every time you walked by would probably cause terminal pecker shrivel.

I would love to bounce dimes off that. I bet if you got him wasted enough he'd let you, too.

You want to bring back farming in a big way? Legalize it. Acres and acres of bud stretching out toward the purple mountains majesty, full of happy farmers and profoundly stoned bees....tell me that's not a beautiful picture.

Get some overseas money flowing back into the economy? Holland is thinking about repealing its openness policy. There's going to be a lot of disappointed stoners out there if that happens. Vancouver BC already turns a blind eye toward their burgeoning green culture and believe me when I tell you it turns over a stack of cash for them; I've seen it first hand! Shit, I've done it first hand. Stoned people buy things! And then they sit around for the next four hours and laugh at them! Come on!

You want to turn things around for small business? Legalize it! Dope cafes, the snack food industry, the novelty toy market, head shops, tie-dyed clothing manufacturers, beanbag chair makers, they all win! There is no downside. It smells better than cigarettes and it doesn't lead to the kind of horror that alcohol can.