Friday, August 22, 2008

UPDATED: Just for my daughter

.....Uncle Coon Dog Says 'Hi'

...nahhhhhhhh, its not him. Scared ya, though, huh?
Yeah, me too.


My grandson, The Goony bird, just hopped into the kitchen on one leg, picked up a zucchini, cradled it to his face, looked at me and said "Cluck-buck!"

Then he shot me with it, put it down and hopped back out.


Monday, August 18, 2008

UPDATED: Comments! or, another excuse to pimp my porn

I like your comments. I love your comments. I have an old Barbie doll painted red poked full of rusty nails and I poke a new one in each time I get a comment from you, in fact. (You know who you are.) Your comments mean a hell of a lot more to me than just banter or casual conversation. Particularly on my *ahem* creative site.

'Paul ' here is all about self-indulgence and whatever happens to cross my mind.
'UJ', on the other hand, is all about protecting my precious children from the need to move and change their names and undergo years of painful intensive psychotherapy.
'Paul' is the 'me' show. We laugh, we cry, we call each other names. It's not about form.
UJ, as it turns out, is.
Because as everyone knows, when it comes to porn, its ALL ABOUT EXCELLENCE.

Well, there it is, though; weirdly enough, that's where the creative fiction writing is happening.

And being as it's creative, I'm finding that I really, really WANT those comments. I think I've chosen you first few members pretty well; you're folks who know the difference, who've read a few books, and who don't run too vicious-or at least we're all floating around up near the same level of vicious, anyway. Come on. Post a fucking comment. It's easy and side effects are minimal, usually in the form of temporary nasal congestion or headaches. If you experience an erection that lasts for more than four hours, though....

I go back and edit over at UJ all the time. Spelling, punctuation (yes, believe it or not, I know) ...I find so many continuity errors that it just makes me want to pull a bag over my head. Continuity and logic, things you overlook, or lose editing one part that would make a later part that you kept make sense....I make mistakes like that all the damn time. I'm not dying of them, but another pair of alert eyes would really really be welcome! You run across shit like that, shoot me a damn email if you don't feel like hanging out in the UJ comments lounge* ( new 'No Pets' rule fyi. ) I'll say it again- you run into any mistakes, TELL ME. At least shoot me an email. I'll even go post my addo up over there in the sidebar to make you feel good and guilty. Look - just LOOK how easy it is to contact her confidentially. But no. You never write *snif* I guess you're too busy*snif*...

Similarly questions or comments or suggestions. If you're going through reading and thinking "Well, why don't' you....Why did he....Why didn't you....How come you didn't..." stuff like that.

There is no way I'm going to get better unless I get feedback, and there's no way things will change unless you provide feedback. If you're suffering every time I use a particular bad turn of phrase or unfortunate analogy, you're just going to continue to suffer unless you SPEAK UP. And I will laugh at you, then, and start using that unfortunate turn of phrase ALL THE TIME JUST TO ANNOY YOU. No I won't. Maybe.

But no, really now. This has worked for three of you already. In all three cases those suggestions were spot fucking on. I used them, and they made my work better. I love you all. You are so awesome!

I know damn well that I need bigtime help with punctuation and elements of style stuff... paragraph breaks, an unfortunate tendency to overuse semicolons; all that. That will happen, and I'll handle it in an academic setting with grades and shit. Structure in a structured environment. But the meat issues? I'd rather learn from people who love to read.

Y'all heard that? Once again, with feeling: I'd rather learn from people who love to read.

I like to write. I like to make up stuff, I like to edit and revise, I love research, I like to pick and build and tear down and make this 'thing' out of imaginary parts. That does not mean that I do it particularly well, just that I'm reasonably satisfied with whatever I turn out as 'done'. I ain't kidding myself here.

If I went to writing school, I'd learn how to write for writers. Whats the fucking point of that? I hate that kind of writing. I don't read it now.
Here's what I want to do: I want to write stuff that a. doesn't reek of moron, and b. is really fun to read. Period.
Thats what I like to read, and thats what I want to do.

Another thing too...I've noticed that when people I've known who like to write have gone to formal writers classes, what happens is that it takes all the humanity and quirk and spark out of their stuff . Here's a good analogy: they go in Neil Young and come out Dinah Shore.

So comment. Clinkers will happen. So will misunderstandings and disagreements. That's another reason in favor of emails, if you're tender that way. That way it stays there between just you and I, and I'm nice. OK, I can be. I'm not the kind of person who will spring for your throat if you disagree with me. I only do that when I'm being attacked (or if you're a psycho who just refuses to hang it up, as some have learned *ahem*)

I can tell the difference. Really. Most of the time. I guess.

Would you like an invite to UJ? ASK. Jeezly Christmas.

Too squeemy to come right out and admit in the 'Paul' comment lounge that you're a big ol' sweaty pervert who wants to read dirty dirty pornographic porno smut? Why? Are you new? Is there something you've seen here that has lead you to believe that you AREN'T amongst peers?

Here's the thing: I NEED YOUR EMAIL TO SEND OUT THE AUTOMATED BLOGGER FORM, SO EMAIL ME FIRST! (That way you avoid posting up your email in the comments here where WEIRD PEOPLE can see it.)

If you'd like an invite, GAIL, contact a woman old enough to be your childrens' grandmother at


Watch that '0' there....its not a zero. Its a lowercase letter o. Oh please. Just cut/copy/past and sub in an @ dealie and a . This is not brain salad surgery.

Join up now...and help one woman realize her dream of writing about bodily secretions in a form everyone can enjoy.

*Would whoever took the copy of 'Venus in Furs' please bring it back? MJ's claiming she left her novena card in it.