Monday, March 05, 2007


This years' ABATE motorcycle swap meet was held in the substantially warmer and more civilized Exhibition Pavillion at the Monroe Fairgrounds. The bastards usually cheap out and put it in one of the unheated 'small animal' buildings, which is hardly appropriate, OR suited to March weather conditions, but I digress, y'all.

This year the clubs were out in full force! I can say with confidence that at least 75% of the people in the picture below are affiliated. That's why most of my people pictures didn't turn out; I had to be stealthy. 'One little muk : giant room full of large psychos with prison records' is not a safe muk- to-psycho ratio.

Same politics as last year...despite the colors, most of the clubs are HAngel affiliates, with the Bandidos representing out front. Nice guys individually, morons in groups.

Now I'm going to stop here and explain something.
There are bikers, there is a lifestyle.
Some bikers belong to clubs.
Most do not.


The Yummy One has been asked to prospect for several but has turned them down because his idea of individuality does not include things like hanging out in a group wearing identical clothing. We've done high school already.
...because freedom's what it's aaaaaaaaaall about.

Then too, there's the whole 'catch a wild animal and fuck it, beer stein full of piss' thing and, just, no.

On a whim, because we are biker assholes after all, we went around back, sauntered in through the cop entrance, past the cops, past the Banditos, and strolled around all day long. When we gate hop, we don't fuck around. (Don't start with me. It was a Red and Gold event. It doesn't count.)

...a little drag never hurt anyone.

Our buddy with the Ferengi-head had his usual hooch full of the usual stuff, and just to fuck with him while he was off visiting, I sat down and sold a bunch of it for him. Albert is a trip-he doesn't really need or want to sell anything. He's just there for the event, socializing away happily while people try to shove money in his face. He finds this distracting, so he avoids his booth.

I ended up with 200$ of his cash in my pocket by the time he finally came back. I handed him the money and he stood there and looked at me like he'd been hit with a brick. 'What's this for?' he said.
I pointed out all the empty space in his booth.
No clue.
I know, I know; I should have booked ass.
...same shit, different day. about 10,000$ of the same shit in this corner right here.

At first I thought this chick's cutoff was stupid, but then I took another look at it and realized that it was true folk art, utterly sincere. This is all beadwork, all hand done.
It knocked me out.

Don't you wish you owned this?
...rule brittania! lotta 1970's going on here. paughco front end, smoothed frame.

That's a 'Monster' series Ducati, kids. I just wanted to lick it all over.
...grandma needs this motorcycle now.

Here is a stone stock Harley Whizzer. It's a runner, too!

...a museum piece.

The acoustical tiles above each throne in the ladies' room had suspicious holes poked in them, each one positioned directly over the bowls. All the way down the line, too...I checked. But hey, it was indoors.
...expect to see my, smile...on a paysite soon.

You ever looked in the mirror and asked yourself this question?

...if you were wearing this sluttay lil' number, the answer was '49$ worth of cheap'. I will not buy it for you Mr. C; quit buggin me.

Ha! And conservatives claim to be against abortions.

...its a car! its a bike! its a train! its a blender! it's a printing press! its a...


  1. the grill on the front makes it.

    if i were into watching people piss and shit, i would pay to watch you piss and shit. but that's just not my kink.

  2. oooh, i like the motorcycle that looks like a bicycle fell in love with and had an affair with a tractor. you know, the one in my second favorite color - john deere green.

  3. It looks great FN , having dragged round loads of these events with my mom and dad as a kid , it brings back some happy memories...thanks

  4. I was going to say pretty much exactly the same as beast. Looks like a great day out. I passed a massive Ducati showroom on the way to a prison in Aylesbury yesterday and made the cab stop so I could go and get all nostalgic. They were so prrrrrretty. And the sales staff were so confused. And it cost the government £25 in cab fare.

  5. I am scared of biker-people.

    Now I am scared of you.

    That is all.

  6. Bad dress sense, no taste in music, dubious exhaust pipes... I could go on.

    Lambretta, Vespa, Milk floats, the Small Faces and the Who.

    This means war.

  7. cb: i think i'm complimented. aw hell, i'm complimented. my butt's a celebrity!
    pink: thats a gennywine harley davidson 'whizzer'! it probably costs more as it sits than my house did when we bought it, too.
    beast: damn i'll bet you saw some awesome bikes, too. that 60's - 70's british stuff is super hot right now on the west coast. chica is putting out some fantastic stuff on norton and triumph frames...blither blither ramble....
    violet: ducati rocked my world when they came out with their hydroformed ladder frame 'naked bike'. nobody does road better.
    danator: want some candy little gurl? how bout some of these pretty white ones with the 'x' on top? or lookit these! they say 'rorer'! like a lion! can you 'rorer' like a lion?
    garfy: straight pipes, splitting lanes, muddy waters, howlin' wolf, harbaneros, hendrix and tequila. take THAT!

  8. you mean to tell me that thing that looks like it's a bicycle with a motor is worth more than a house? uhm, your house was more than $50, right?

    and i know that you bought that red leather jacket. frobisher said you bought it to match your red leather boustier.

  9. "We'll get matching jackets and helmets too,
    We'll get respect from
    the towns we ride through.
    We'll sleep at the roadside in the soft green grass,
    and if the squares walk by we'll let them pass.
    You'll be the queen of my highway, my MOTORCYCLE MAMA.
    We'll see the world
    through my Harley."

    Nice guys individually, morons in groups is the best f*cking description that I have ever read about Bikers
    and Accountants!

  10. hendrix3:49 AM

    I would have loved that show but far too dangerous for me to go there. Spent years with my grandad watching him fix cars (and bikes) so I would have come home with all those piles of parts that look like they could be bikes if you could only figure out how to put them together!

  11. FN much to my parents horror its all scrap metal to me..... my two brothers love it tho , my elder brother has a monster harley ,
    **** Advert break ***
    and my little bro travels around on some old lovingly rebuilt triumph heap of crap , writes for one of the motorcycle mags and has published a book under the ridiculous title Daisy's Dairies:Challenging life on a 1948 Triumph (Well get him! ,look up the book up on amazon).
    **** End of Advert****

    So my parents dont regard all of their offspring as freaks !! he he

  12. believe it or not, bikes freak me out. can't ride on one.

  13. The medical profession refers to those contraptions as

  14. I would have taken one look at those holes in the ceiling and ducked into the mens.

    And what's HE doing here? Is this his week to do FN?

  15. Dang, I should have come with you!

    I haven't ridden a motorcycle since a long ago, long haired boy named Jesse whisked me off when I was a teenager.

    Mama did not approve, of course. Sigh.

  16. I've always like the idea of a motorcycle and side car - that way I could take a handbag and everything..and read.

  17. I love girder forks. The option to make the front rise on breaking by applying more front brake.

    60's Btitish bikes = oil on driveway.

    Respect to you for not joining a gang.

  18. The words 'mummy, I'm scared.' spring to mind, shortly followed by the phrase 'I wanna go home.'

  19. pink: oh fine; my secrets out. *rides off in a whirlwind of flapping fringe*
    homoE:but oh so particularly true in the case of grown men on harleys with matching patches.
    hendrix; you would have had a field day with alberts basket case k model in the picture there. it reduced grown men to whimpering all day long. which i liked far too much.
    beast: i am so going to buy that book now that i have the full title. get right, beast. step away from the camels. get on two wheels.
    trees: yeah, but i bet you'll ride around on an elephant all day long, right?
    homoE: they used to, until the advent of helmet laws. another reason i did't have a problem crashing the gate; abate is bullshit. helmets are a good idea.
    mj: think about what you just said. did you see the first picture in this post? they fling poo in there!
    pam:not jesse james, by any chance? because, dang. DANG. mamas just don't understand!
    ara: ever been in one? i always wanted to but never got the chance. it looks like soooo much fun!
    tick: we bought the pair on the ground there in that picture!!! they're going on the sporty! i'm not sure what you mean by the front brakes comment; no self respecting chopper EVER has front brakes.
    100: believe it or not, this is the most well-mannered, well behaved, hail fellow well met event. everyone in the room either knows everyone else from local events, clubs with them, or served in the same branch of the service. on the road, now, that's another matter. ENTIRELY.

  20. Ooh I like the gauntlet thrown down by you and garfer...this is getting interesting. I have to come back because most of the pics didn't post up. I do like reading about your biker meets. I do I do.