frankie says relax...take a deep breath and have a burrito

FIRSTNATIONS COVETED BURRITO RECIPE!!!!!!!!!!!!
remember...read the whole thing first, then start. I have provided links to two helpful and easy- to-use conversion tools for those of you from doofus parts of the world that don't use teaspoons and Fahrenheit like normal people.

part un...the beans
This is the lazy way, with canned ingredients.

3 15 oz cans pinto beans
1 can red kidney beans
1 can small red beans, or flor de mayo beans, or black turtle beans
1 large white onion, minced fine or grated
1 tbl epizote
1/4 tsp ground oregano
1/4 tsp cumin (comino molida)
1 4oz can fire roasted green chiles, chopped (don't cry; this is completely without heat.)
optional, to taste:
1 tsp hot ground chile (lal mirch)
or
1 tsp mild red chile
or
1 tsp ground pasilla (this is what I use. yummers!)
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Don't drain anything. Just dump everything in a pot, stir to mix and simmer at least 1 hour, stirring and mashing the beans frequently. Taste for salt and let cool. You want a thick grey porridge with chunks of bean in it. It looks really ugly, but looks are deceiving, kids.

Now you have vegetarian refried beans! Lucky you! * Refrigerate for an hour to make them easier to handle.

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part deaux: assembling freezer burritos:

-1 package of 12 flour tortillas (also works with gordos, thin pita breads, chapati or gyros. just any thin, round, flexible ethnic flour and water flatbread.)
NOTE: DO NOT use whole wheat tortillas...it tastes like shit. A little white flour won't kill you.

-refries, cooled

-add as desired to refries, or not; I don't care. This is how I do it, though.
....grated cheese (like cheddar or monterey jack)
more grated onion


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part tres: assembly

-quickly heat the tortillas in a frypan on med-high, turning once, just enough to make them a little brown on each side, and stack them on a plate. This makes them nice and soft and blooms the flavor.

(optional step-smear the inside of each tortilla with death dealing radioactive hot sauce with all harbeneros and chipotles and jalapenos with death hotness of heat before loading with filling. mm-mm good!)

-Drop a heap of refries onto a tortilla and roll up like a sleeping bag. You can tuck the ends if you want. Congratulations! This is a burrito! You may eat it now, or...

-Lay them on a plate and slide them into the freezer until they're solid

-Stack the frozen burritos into a large container that you can seal tightly, like a tupperware or a ziploc bag. Repeat until desired number of delicious burritos are stored away against the coming darkness.
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-Whenever you want something delish, take one out, pop it into the nuke and there you go!

-Or fill a square baking dish with them and let thaw...then cover with commercial enchilada sauce, bottled red or green taco sauce or more grated cheese and bake at 350Fahrenheit (176 Celsius) for 30 minutes. You have enchiladas! Yay!


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QUESTION: FirstNations, could I just wimp out like a little bitch and used canned vegetarian refries?
ANSWER: Ask your mommy.

QUESTION: FirstNations dahlink, I am a stud horse. May I use 2 parts dried pinto beans to 1 part each flor de mayo and soya beans, rehydrated using one can of lager in place of part of the soaking water? And may I put the grated onion in with it, and the spices, and let it all soak up nice? And may I use fresh minced Anaheim chiles?
ANSWER: Yes you may, but only if you enjoy delicious, superior, ass-kicking flavor.
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*In fact you will have some left over after filling the burritos. Extra lucky, you! Spoon it up or dunk chips in it! (That's crisps, brits.)

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here is a nifty Fahrenheit to Celsius conversion dealie...just enter a number and click!
http://www.wbuf.noaa.gov/tempfc.htm

and here is a conversion chart for all kinds of shit, including cooking nomenclature. scroll down to choose the conversion category you want:
http://www.convert-me.com/en/convert/cooking

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