Tuesday, March 27, 2007

frankie says relax...take a deep breath and have a burrito

remember...read the whole thing first, then start. I have provided links to two helpful and easy- to-use conversion tools for those of you from doofus parts of the world that don't use teaspoons and Fahrenheit like normal people.

part un...the beans
This is the lazy way, with canned ingredients.

3 15 oz cans pinto beans
1 can red kidney beans
1 can small red beans, or flor de mayo beans, or black turtle beans
1 large white onion, minced fine or grated
1 tbl epizote
1/4 tsp ground oregano
1/4 tsp cumin (comino molida)
1 4oz can fire roasted green chiles, chopped (don't cry; this is completely without heat.)
optional, to taste:
1 tsp hot ground chile (lal mirch)
1 tsp mild red chile
1 tsp ground pasilla (this is what I use. yummers!)
Don't drain anything. Just dump everything in a pot, stir to mix and simmer at least 1 hour, stirring and mashing the beans frequently. Taste for salt and let cool. You want a thick grey porridge with chunks of bean in it. It looks really ugly, but looks are deceiving, kids.

Now you have vegetarian refried beans! Lucky you! * Refrigerate for an hour to make them easier to handle.

part deaux: assembling freezer burritos:

-1 package of 12 flour tortillas (also works with gordos, thin pita breads, chapati or gyros. just any thin, round, flexible ethnic flour and water flatbread.)
NOTE: DO NOT use whole wheat tortillas...it tastes like shit. A little white flour won't kill you.

-refries, cooled

-add as desired to refries, or not; I don't care. This is how I do it, though.
....grated cheese (like cheddar or monterey jack)
more grated onion

part tres: assembly

-quickly heat the tortillas in a frypan on med-high, turning once, just enough to make them a little brown on each side, and stack them on a plate. This makes them nice and soft and blooms the flavor.

(optional step-smear the inside of each tortilla with death dealing radioactive hot sauce with all harbeneros and chipotles and jalapenos with death hotness of heat before loading with filling. mm-mm good!)

-Drop a heap of refries onto a tortilla and roll up like a sleeping bag. You can tuck the ends if you want. Congratulations! This is a burrito! You may eat it now, or...

-Lay them on a plate and slide them into the freezer until they're solid

-Stack the frozen burritos into a large container that you can seal tightly, like a tupperware or a ziploc bag. Repeat until desired number of delicious burritos are stored away against the coming darkness.

-Whenever you want something delish, take one out, pop it into the nuke and there you go!

-Or fill a square baking dish with them and let thaw...then cover with commercial enchilada sauce, bottled red or green taco sauce or more grated cheese and bake at 350Fahrenheit (176 Celsius) for 30 minutes. You have enchiladas! Yay!


QUESTION: FirstNations, could I just wimp out like a little bitch and used canned vegetarian refries?
ANSWER: Ask your mommy.

QUESTION: FirstNations dahlink, I am a stud horse. May I use 2 parts dried pinto beans to 1 part each flor de mayo and soya beans, rehydrated using one can of lager in place of part of the soaking water? And may I put the grated onion in with it, and the spices, and let it all soak up nice? And may I use fresh minced Anaheim chiles?
ANSWER: Yes you may, but only if you enjoy delicious, superior, ass-kicking flavor.

*In fact you will have some left over after filling the burritos. Extra lucky, you! Spoon it up or dunk chips in it! (That's crisps, brits.)


here is a nifty Fahrenheit to Celsius conversion dealie...just enter a number and click!

and here is a conversion chart for all kinds of shit, including cooking nomenclature. scroll down to choose the conversion category you want:



  1. ooh! ooh! burritos! enchiladas! a proper recipe for refried beans!

    refried beans are the one thing i didn't want to taste but am really, really glad i did.

    *legs it to tescos*

  2. also, what is epizote??

  3. epizote is a mexican herb, used as flavoring and as a digestive aid. it has a certain flavor that is unattainable with any other spice or combination. it isn't necessary, but it does add the 'yum, refries!' authentic taste.
    and this isn't a proper recipe for refries, it's a vegetarian one. if you want the proper one i can give it to you, but you'll get arteriosclerosis just reading it!

  4. thanks for clearing that up. next questions: what the hell's pasilla?

    (I'm not a complete dunce around the kitchen, but you pulled out a fairly simple recipe containing two ingredients i've never heard of. now i feel silly.)

  5. Ooh, good stuff...

  6. pasilla molida is dried, smoked and ground pasilla chile. pasilla is just another variety of chile..it looks like a cross between an anaheim and a green bell, but dark green aging to red. it has very little heat, and that only in the threads and seeds inside.
    we have a huge mexican population here and all the bigger supermarkets carry lots of mexican products, so I'm kind of spoiled. but these things are worth looking for on the net and ordering, if you like mexican food!
    billy: oh my yes indeed, young billster! and good for you!

  7. this outfit has epizote and pasilla you can order:


    and i'ts reasonable, too, per oz. dean and deluca have them, but at 8.00! the tin, forget them!

    pasilla is also known as ancho pepper.

    my understanding is, once it's ripened, dried and smoked an ancho becomes a pasilla. i found both of them listed here. their ancho is ground while the pasilla is a whole, dried pod that you have to toast and grind in a cuisinart yourself which is no great trick. either one would be ok.

    god, this sounds so complicated and it's really not.

  8. i'm SO there...

    [/sucking up]

  9. Ooh, sounds good, FN! I like pasilla and ancho, but I like chipotle better. I also like sour cream or guac on my burritos. Call me a plebe. (shrug)

    We have a Mexican grocery on our street (cattycorner from the Polish grocery; yes, we're spoiled). Unfortunately it was recently acquired by a local chain, so I'm not sure if they still have 5000 kinds of beans and chiles but no fresh green vegetables. (It seems to be the law that ethnic groceries may sell no fresh green vegetables, unless they are Asian groceries. Those ones are a couple blocks down.)

    I will have to pass this recipe on to Mrs. Nator (Mistress of Killer Guac) and see what she thinks!

  10. Anonymous4:50 PM

    You know, I have a hard time picturing you having anything in common with Martha Stewart (except maybe that federal prison/insider trading deal), but I may have to revise my assumptions.

    By the way, what's epizote?

    (Oh, look, Surly Girl already asked. At least now she won't have to think it's just an American thing...)

    (Oh look, you already answered too. I withdraw the question)

  11. danator: damn, i remember those days...living in a big city, all the groceries of the world at my feet...and KOSHER STUFF! AND DELICATESSENS! god, i miss that more than anything else! and, not a plebe. send me the killer guac recipe!
    kristi: you weren't here for the bread recipe or the overly complicated gravy recipe then? oh, you're in for a big surprise. i put up my own stocks, make my own bread and grow my own vegetables. i'se a hippiechile!

  12. The first part of that sounds like my chili recipe. I used at least 4 varieties of beans and it is oh so 'licious!!

  13. Fast Notions......what the buggering flaming ringpeices(I almost said PISSFLAPS , but innate good manners got the better of me) is epizote ???

    When I first saw it was recipe time , I was fearful it was going to be in cups , why oh why are our american cousins obsessed by cups.
    So I am well pleased , I dont think we can get the tin of chillies over here iether , but I am sure I can go and collect some seaweed off the beach and wing it :-)

  14. Oh PISSFLAPS !!!! you already answered the epizote thing.

  15. Sounds great. Is there a lo-carb version?

  16. Seems like your thown the whole of the Uk with this "epizote" thing - is it the stuff that stops you farting?

    I am slavering like a dog reading this and will make them & take photos!! We're not all that up on Mexican cuisine over here and most recipes/restaurants just use generic chilli powder - might have to bodge it a little.


  17. awaiting: you like to cook the type of stuff i do! oh yeah. ever used that 16 bean mix? it is yummy!





    hell; pay the airfare and i will.

  18. sopwith: i think that would cause a tear in the fabric of space/time.

  19. Oh dear somebody is in a bad mood this morning.....

  20. pah - cooking and long words - I'll come back tomorrow :)

  21. would you make them for us? if airfares get any cheaper I will send for you! Virgin Airlines were doing some cheapies a while back (£200 - sorry havent got a website for converting to dollars)

  22. I have never known what a burrito is. Now I do and I am dying to have one cos I love refried beans. Thanks FN - you owed us a treat after subjecting us to the horror of the Meadows clan! I have been reading but rendered utterly speechless. Or type-less.

  23. chamberpots.... heee!
    this actually looks like something i could do.. so i wonder how badly i could screw it up. i'm afraid if i can't find any of the fancy mexican stuff it will taste like melted shit.

    my cooking self-esteem is down today.

    i think i'll try this anyway. super plebe with guac and sour cream. And extra shredded cheese.

    fat plebe.

  24. Wait, though - i have a question!

    If the beans are pretty much boiled in a pot... why are they called re-fried?

    ...also i meant to mention that this sounds very, very good and i did not in any way mean to make sound like melted shit. cause it doesn't. cause burritos! yay! love burritos.

    i'll stop now.

  25. Anonymous1:31 PM

    I grow my own borlotti beans - they are great to use dried through the whole winter - they take some soaking and cooking though!

  26. beast: well? when in doubt, read the directions!!
    ziggi: what long words? cooking i'll cop to, though.
    frobi: yes i will. you, beast, mr. c. and the woofies. but i get to bunk at your place and go through all your stuff.
    violet: yeah, i figured everyone could use a break from the horror.
    claire: you dont have to use the epizote or the pasilla; you could use dried parsely and plain mild chili powder. it will taste fine!-they're called refried because people translated the word 'refrito' too literally. what it means is closer to 'cooked down for a really long time'.
    muttley:arent' those the small white ones used in tuscan bean soup? yum! i did scarlet runners last year. beany goodness and purdy flowers too!

  27. See, when I see the words "Mexican food" I think "Montezuma's Revenge." This is perhaps a little unfair, but I have been served some pretty diabolical Mex. mess at times.
    However, I think I might have to visit my local Italian/Asian store for the goodies.
    PS Thanks for finishing with the Milwauki Milkman. ycchh!
    PPS The Ital/Asian shop is THE place for the best of all foreign edibles.Go figure!

  28. 200 quid at current exchange rates is about 400 dollars.
    See I have my uses.
    I am also good at starring alarmingly(making barely audible grumbling noises) at unwanted guests until they leave.
    I had dinner at Frobi's last night , I am sure he will be posting the menu in full....it was yummers

  29. Anonymous5:07 AM

    wait a minute - i leave for a week (you know, to actually do hard manual labor) and i come back to see that first nations is cooking? should we be worried?

    *holds fire extinguisher, you know, just is case?*

  30. Hey, FN. I got Mrs. Nator's guac recipe for you (although she says the major secret is how you season it to taste). I'll post it on my blog today or tomorrow, and maybe we can each try each other's specialties out...

    At least the food ones.

  31. dinamow: yeah, beans don't hold so good over time.
    beast: nope, he's posted up a guy in hockey gauntlets and tightie whitie underwear with a large scoring zone.
    pink: you left to make copies, chickie. and yes i cook. i replaced a dryer vent today, too. i am like a swiss army knife only without the toothpick dealie.
    danator: you could try mine out the next time you pick up an ear of roast corn on a stick, i suppose.
    -oh, food.