Sunday, May 18, 2008

UPDATED: This is pretty much how my entire life has been, too.

So I woke up this morning, and I looked over, and there was a starling perched on the shade of my bedside lamp looking at me.

And now sparrows are flying in the kitchen door and landing on my head.

Yes, a sparrow just came in, while I was bent over the sink doing a nasal irrigation with salt water, no less?
And landed on my head.

I can't even irrigate my damn nose without birds watching me now.

(My daughter claims that they are in little bird film school and they're doing a little bird documentary on me.)

Simply excellent.


  1. Did he quoth the word "Nevermore"?

    Because if so, he was plagiarizing.

  2. Anonymous9:47 PM

    why was a starling in your house?
    how did it get there?
    are you sure you didn't imagine it?

    that's what you get for inviting beast and mj over for a party.

    stop smoking the funny stuff.

  3. At least it wasnt nesting in your bush !!!

  4. starlings are vile creatures i hope you shot it...

  5. If you mounted the starling on the end of your dyson flexi tube , it would make a great feather duster
    Mounted on a stick it would make a bio degradable lavatory brush.

    Who said saving the planet had to be dull and worthy
    ***grins evilly***

  6. what did you say to it?

  7. Did it stay for breakfast?

  8. Hey, at least it wasn't a vulture. That would've been disturbing.

    A friend told me that about half a dozen starlings suddenly flew down the chimney and out from his fireplace in a cloud of soot. Perhaps they get fed up of the outdoor life and want home comforts.

  9. Holy Hannibal Lecter!
    Did you say, "Run Run Run Clarice?"

  10. Odd, hubby found a fledgling finch in the doorway of the kitchen yesterday morning. They have decided to take over I think. Yay for the birds!

    I know I have been bad. I know I have not been responding to comments. Mea fricken' culpa already. I still love you, and I still read you, but I just be too damn friggy tired to be thinking of the commentings. Get over it. Do some drugs or something. Remember: if god had not wanted you to take recreational drugs he would not have invented stress. G'head. Have some schedule 'A'. Tell them I said it was ok.

  12. That having been said:
    MJ: he quoth the word 'skir!' and then I quoth the word 'What the fuck?" and he flew the quoth out the window.

    pink: because I left the window open all night and there aren't any screens in them. I do not smoke the funny stuff. I do, however, make a mean Alice B. Toklas fudge, however.

    beast: thank you for raising the tone of discourse around here. america salutes you!
    geezly CHRISTMAS, beast.

    daisy: i could not agree with you more, my dear daisy. i did not shoot it, but i did use a bad swear.

    beast: you have just redeemed yourself, sir! *drapes 'Bathrobe of Extreme Honor with all holes in and stains that smell like beer and marinara' over beasts broad and manly shoulders* I like the toilet wand idea particularly, seeing as it would be a kind of poetic justice for what they've done to my damn attic and front porch steps.

    CB: I said 'What the fuck?' being as I had just woke up. It flew away. a couple days earlier when the pms was in full swing i would have pulled the 45 out the nightstand and blown its feathered butt to starling hell. damn birds.

    gale: NO. it probably flew into the exhaust pipe of a UPS truck or something. starlings are not bright birds. but it WAS bright enough to get its ass out my face.

    FOOTMAN: a startling realization that there was a juvenile turdus turdus up in my crib looking all in my face like 'WTF?' be pissin my shit OFF, yo.

    betty: she'd love it here. we have a protected colony of chimney swifts living in the flues of the Old Custom House at the border. Every home in town with a fireplace here has to have a bird guard on it because the swifts will do that exact thing in the middle of winter the first time you start a fire.

    maestro Coppensa: I was waiting for the Silence of the Clams. because those clams, they're loud little bastards. they are. Silence, clams.

    Joy: there ya go! I had a female goldfinch follow me all over the yard the other day LOOKING at me. THE BIRDS WAS A DOCUMENTARY, FOLKS.

  13. no wonder you get a cold on your chest leaving the windows open!

  14. What ever it is that aethiests do when they would otherwise, were they Christian, pray for you, do. I do for you.
    You're presence in my life has made it richer. I thank you.

    Hic! anymore wine in that bottle?

  15. Um, Does having a bat hibernating or taking a vertical dirtn nap in your basement count? At no time did rinsing of nasal passages occur.

  16. BEAST said...

    At least it wasnt nesting in your bush !!!


    Hey, FN!!!

  17. Bite those sparrows darn heads off. They aren't keen on that.

    Crunchy crunchy crunchy mmmmmm!

  18. I apologise for any Bush Nesting Comments I may have made in the past. Now I am 47 I am a changed man :-)

  19. I am pretty sure it's a documentary on disgruntled gardeners. They are trying to rile you to violence so they can justify their attack on the barbaric farmers and their berry nets. Sheild yer eyes!
    Also I bet if you leave cheap red wine and pamphlets on paying off tiny bird film school loans and graduate schools for tiny birds, they will leave you alone for a bit.

  20. Only you, FN. Only you.