Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Blue Bear Seasons With Garlic: Vigorous Shake

I've started reading a book called 'Writing On Drugs' , and I'm finding it to be really good stuff. Lady named Sadie Plant wrote it. Check it out, its worth a read.

It might be kind of obvious to some of you now that I have a fascination with altered mental states. This book goes into some depth describing the influence of voluntarily altered mental states on the creative process and I'm all over that crap, lemme tell you.

I have no future career as a professional opium eater, sadly. What Coleridge and Baudelaire and them'uns had to purchase at the local apothecary shoppe I seem to posses by right of genetics. Not that I travel around in a perpetual haze (despite what some might think); no, just that I have an inner landscape that I'm pretty well able to traverse at whim. Even the really freaky parts. Their quest seemed to be finding the entrance to Alladins' Cave in order to stuff their pockets with gold doubloons. Mine seems to be finding something in there I can use to peel the gold foil off with so I can eat the chocolate inside.

Really, that's the punchline. It looks like valuable treasure, all that fascinating stuff in your brain, but its just candy, really. If you have a poverty of emotion and imagination in your everyday life, then taking something that allows you to hold dark discourse with Nyarlathotep is going to be an enrapturing experience you'll want to return to...particularly if the alternative is unrelievedly banal. The problem is: Brains are fun*, but you don't get much vacuuming done. Everyday life and everyday things are important, despite what religion and fancy and imagination and everything else would lead you away from believing. Changing the water in the dogs' dish is more valuable than anything you experience or 'learn' while under the influence of drugs.

The first and last time I ever took LSD is a case in point. Oh my goodness was I wasted. Oh heavens to Betsy yes;. But the perceptive shifts were nothing different than things I experienced on a nightly basis, in dreams, or even all that terribly different than some of the things I imagined vividly in daydreams. Furthermore, it was not only 'induced' imagination, it was 'enforced' imagination. And you had to watch, little Alex, you had no choice. It was going to last as long as it took the chemicals to run out of your system.

The 'wastedness' part of the show was kind of fun at first, but got really old after five hours, and after ten it was a real pain in the ass. Being too intoxicated to perform simple tasks blows. Seriously, there's nothing more annoying than over-boiled peas come to find out, particularly when you have to chase them around on a plate and kill them individually, and your manual dexterity is suffering and every time you finally poke one with a fork it bleeds greenish, cloudy lymphatic fluids and makes a disgusting tiny popping noise like a ripe carbuncle finally cutting loose...you get the picture? Yeah. And for that I paid money? I really rather would have had the chocolate doubloons. Chocolate tastes good and you can do crafts and shit with the foil. I mean really.

This is not to say that drugs aren't fun, because they are. As long as you use them for the occasional holiday from reality and you know what you want out of the experience, they're a delight. They just aren't really a means to any other end than simple temporary entertainment.

I met a girl years ago* who frequently used the phrase 'people who'd learned a lot of things from using acid' with a great deal of heartfelt reverence, as though what you and I would term 'burnouts' existed in some perpetual exalted state (one that you and I would term 'brain damage'.) People suffering from a medieval lack of personal hygiene who live on kale and shit in public aren't living in an exalted state. Maybe that looks romantic from the vantage point of a sheltered little suburban teenybopper, but watch them going in to pick up their disability check at the welfare office sometime and see how exalted that shit looks, and take careful note while they shed that 'exalted state' long enough to cash the fucker and not get kicked out of the bank. Squatting to take a dump in public because they've 'forsaken conventional mores' or are 'trying to shock the Man into a moment of reality' is still taking a dump in public, idiot. But oh no, she was all starry-eyed over this supposed 'alternative wisdom path', one of these college freshman types fresh from mommy and daddys' house in the suburbs who'll get allllllll sanctimonious and start in with the 'now, just because it isn't your reality doesn't mean blah blah blah, we have to be open to alternative modes of blah blah blah' and I had to say no, taking a dump out on the sidewalk because I'm too goddamn wasted to remember where the public bathrooms are certainly isn't something I'll be making a part of my chosen reality. Now go join a cult, you retard.

Oh wait...she did.


*particularly giant evil brains from outer space that drive flying saucers and kidnap women to bring back to their home planets for breeding purposes but then they get their tank that they float around in all shot up full of holes and all the gross fluid leaks out and the brain explodes and sick chunks of brain crud go flying around all over the place and some lands on the lady and shes all screaming and shit but the other guys rescue her and she falls in love with one of them but has an alien brain baby nine months later.

*one of my ex-husbands subsequent girlfriends. nothing gets you over the residual heartache of a broken marriage quicker than realizing that your ex is dating a self-inflicted revenge even sweeter than anything you could have cooked up on your own!


  1. Anonymous5:12 PM

    i agree, you are naturally high.

    i have been accused of being on drugs b/c i was too happy. but then again, i've also been accused of being a phone sex operator. go figure.

    revenge is the best. karma is even better. sometimes you feel sorry for the person being slapped by karma, but most of the time, i just smile and wave.

  2. Anonymous7:48 PM

    I enjoy drugs for instance the drugs given to me for the colonoscopy were superb, never felt a thing, total blankness, woke up in 15 minutes really wanting to snooze some more but nope I hadda get off the table so they could process the next person...sigh...

  3. Yup...never had trouble being in a naturally altered state. Unfortunately, I can't control those either. (That's what Ativan and Imipramine are for.)

  4. It's not advisable to drop at my age, too many loose wires up there and a few gerry rigged fuses made out of chocolate wrappers.

    There's prolly some cosmic ratio-law-thingamabob for the number of Earthlings allowed to be Trippin' on Acid at any given time..
    any deviance from that and the whole planet could melt into liquid multi coloured butterflies that flutter off to find new worlds..
    and even though there is no air in outer space you can hear Brian Eno performing the Paw Paw Negro Blowtorch.

    The occasional flashback is pretty cool especially when I'm changing the dog's water and I can see the Tsunami wipe out the poor Villagers but spare the rich European Tourists and it doesn't make any sense until the Girls Gone Wild crew shows up and Annette Funicello tries to talk sense into the young ladies but Frankie is getting the crap kicked out of him by Leo who washes up on shore on a Grand Piano from the Titanic and Lloyd Bridges marches out of the sea, and Mel Gibson and some nekked chicks run over and Richard Basehart tries to take over but Flipper, Sandy and Bud show up
    *head explodes

  5. Bleurgh. I can't even stand the slightly woozy, lightheaded feeling from being borderline drunk. And I've had to take strong pain meds that the doctor told me was a lot like smoking pot, and i didn't like the way they made me feel either. (Except the pain relief bit. That was good.) The idea of taking drugs sounds totally horrible to me. I don't think I'd like it a all.

  6. I agree on the drug thing...it was cool, once...but i hate not being in control...i know i have issues...but if i can't control what is going on with my own body it drives me nuts which makes it particularly hard having epilepsy, or maybe that is my punishment for craving the control...

  7. When I'm old and in The Home, I want a connection on The Outside who'll bring me regular hits of acid.

    I am going out on a high.

  8. Too true...not for everyone, but sometimes, they're a fun occasional holiday. I've no desire for a trip to burnout city. Debating anything with burntout hippies is enough tomake me want to stay straight for life, jsut in case.
    I seem to have far too much fun entirely on my own most times anyways, so hey...

  9. I like N2O - lovely jubbly. I quite like that floating away happy feeling - I definitely don't want to visit the inside of my head - how bloody scary would that be! God forbid I should let myself know what I really think.

  10. People on drugs are boring. They may be having rather a nice time inside their heads, but they're boring the tits off everyone else. Hash heads are the worst.

    When I drink I am charming and witty, which just goes to prove that alcohol isn't a drug.

    If you believe that you'll believe anything.

  11. pink: you mean you AREN'T a phone sex operator?

    anon: thats the least of what they'll be needing to give me in order to get me to undergo that procedure. yikes!!

    w2:and i'm on industrial strength 'prozac in a drum'. hell yes, better living through chemistry.

    coppens: hint: have the water at your place checked. i think theres some kind of runoff situation you might want looked into. has your dog been wearing tiedyed t shirts and voting McGovern lately?

    cb: im no fan of that spinny, urpy feeling either. and anything that shoves me right out into the stupid zone i can leave. should you ever need sodium pentathol you WILL be changing your mind, though. that stuffs wooooooooonderful.

    daisy: oh now come on. dogs get epilepsy. whats that their punishment for? in fact, dogs get graves disease, which i have. what does it mean? that i need to cut back on the puppy chow? it is a mystery.

    mj: you ARE old and you do live in a home. I've been bringing you lsd for the past five years. good shit, huh.

    geo: and you make your own beer, too. (wonders 'outta what?' and grins evilly) nothing like trying to deal with a burnout. i used to run into them a lot when i had my business and...just, no.

    ziggi: they refuse to give me that because I have asthma, and I AM SAD. it sounds so fun! except for the dental part. that....no.

    garfy: i'm shouty and filthy when I'm drunk. totally immobile, unable to perform the slightest task without bollixing it up, shouty and filthy. imagine me in my advanced years sitting out on the porch with my 5th of tequila shouting at pedestrians. heh. 'gimme a kiss, boy! yeah, you want some a this baby!'

  12. Chocolate tastes good and you can do crafts and shit with the foil.

    I was all for making crafts out of chocolate instead of the foil, til I made my way to the dumps on the street...then I was like ewwwww.

    Once back in 8th grade, me and my cousin walked in the girls' restroom to find one of the kids in the special education class smearing feces on the walls. It was SICK. I felt so bad for the janitor. It was errwhere.

  13. Anonymous7:47 AM

    fn - of course i'm not a phone sex operator. anymore. i mean, never was. i'm too sweet and innocent for those types of things.

    sometimes the wrong combo of prescription drugs you ARE supposed to take will screw you up. i took my anxiety meds with meds for my migraines and ended up with a full blown panic attack.

  14. aaahhhhh.....

    *relaxes and enjoys the bits of brain he didnt burn out*

    i have a problem with drugs. i could never do just one line or bump, i had to have several eightballs ready and waiting if i was going to start a five day bender...
    same with extacy, i was selling it for a while and strangely never made any money... huh *shrugs shoulders* when i was doing seven hits at a time and candy flipping for the comedown, people took me aside and said no more...
    i remember my dad lacing into me pretty good when i couldnt see right for a couple of days after putting jell acid tabs in my eyes to dissolve faster into my brain.(we have such great ideas as teens eh?)

    so i simply choose to not do them any more.... it only took one day of saying "yeah, im over it." and that was that.... years ago now...

    i dunno who is better off, me or the people who would stress out about me when i was o.d.ing in public places....


    *stares out into space and dreams of rainbows and unicorns*

  15. Having been around the wild and crazy during my youth . I am with garfer on the drugs , and FN's drink twin


  16. Anonymous5:30 PM

    iv - damn honey!

    beast - having an austin powersesque flash back?

  17. awa: wasn't 'mainstreaming' wonderful fun?

    pink: yep; they give me tylenol 3's for pain after an operation and it mixes with the general and i get heinous panic attacks.

    voices: HOLY SNOT SON. no cf'n! crap, take an icepick and jab it into your head three or four times; same deal!
    i didn't have any problem walking away from it either... but the occasional pharmeceutical vacation is soooo nice. besides, the quality's so much better. i used to take a 5th of tequila and shake up a couple of grams of coke in there and then wash down a couple of tall valiums with that. that pretty much put me right where I wanted to be. i shudder to think what that would do to me now!

    beast: won't they just love us at the old folks home? they'll put us in the 'aged degenerates' wing.

    pink: they're both MANIMALS, BABY! OH YEAH!

  18. Wow, with all the comments it seems like I am on a bad trip. Just don't know where or how to jump into a run like that.

  19. Anonymous10:22 AM

    I thoguth you got high sniffing MJs cast off knickers? O ince ottk DLS it saw ddo trev ddo...

  20. yeah, it looks bad on paper doesnt it... i did leave out the years spent on crack and crystal meth... years... its what killed my mom, fucking crack! *kicks crack down the road off the cliff* but im with you on the vacation portion of the ritual. i do miss checking out and not caring about things so much. and have noticed that the stress levels raise when reality is too prevalent. still a great post. how bout something new eh?

    i'll have to check in over at yer other place...

    *twitches and looks over shoulder for little gray men*

  21. Bitch, where ARE you?

    *rips knickers out of Mutley's mouth*

  22. Anonymous1:30 PM

    I've enjoyed (back in the mists of time) a few fits of the giggles after a smoke of the weeeed but, that's about it.
    And oh the boredom of a druggy boyfriend...and all that sitting and passing and.....waiting......snore.

    Wave to me from your porch - I'll be on mine gargling Armagnac from a flask. Coo-eee.

  23. After reading these comments I feel like I have been taking drugs.

    Pinky the innocent ex phone sex opperator
    Mutley savageing MJ's sticky Knickers
    MJ wrestling Mutley and shouting abuse
    AWA doing something unspeakable with chocolate and all the Daisy , CP and Donn are twitching in the corner
    Voices has zoned out
    ***mops brow***
    ***realises the sweat rag is MJ's old Knickers***
    ***passes out***

  24. Anonymous2:21 PM

    *grabs iv and arranges beast in compromising position. takes lots of embarassing photos.*

    *thinks about smacking beast*

    *does one better...calls IV, fn, & mutley over to give mouth to mouth to beast.*

    y'all can fight over who gets to "wake him up".

  25. I have been so busy lately. I forgot how entertaining you are. You are doing a great job!

  26. Anonymous5:04 PM

    i see beast is still out from sniffing mj's knickers. i guess it's time to call in the professionals.

    **dials number for frobisher**