Thursday, November 05, 2009

Green Ox Reads Seven Government Form: Gluey!!

What have I been doing during my long absence from the innerwubs? Thinking only of you, my darlings. Only of you.

With you in mind, then, I undertook to perfect a special recipe. This is particularly for those of you with an open mind, an adventurous palate and a thrill-seeking liver. So without further ado (or extensive disclaimer - if you misuse this it's going to take some deliberate doing on your part and I'm not your mother)I present to you the fruit of ten years' experimentation:

Shasta Daisies a la Mexico
...a delightful beverage you can serve at your next Young Republicans soiree
fig a: "shasta daisy" (wink wink) showing all plant parts.

Note: Effects and measurements of the "Shasta Daisy" are based on results using a middle aged woman weighing 210 pounds with an empty stomach first thing in the morning. Your results may vary. In fact, if you are allergic to opiates, your results may vary as far as death, which is fatal. Don't be a dipshit.

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INGREDIENTS:

-Entire "Shasta Daisy" plants, leaves and all, harvested after the first few seedpods have formed... any undeveloped flower buds removed and discarded, any flower petals removed and discarded, root ends and woody trunk cut off and discarded, the remaining plant parts washed and chopped into manageable pieces. DON'T forget the washing. Particularly if you have dogs. Yeah.
fig. b: "Shasta Daisy" comes in many different colors and petal configurations, which matters not one whit to the relative potency of its psychoactive compounds.

-Lukewarm water as needed

-One whole cake of 'Abuelita' style Mexican chocolate

-One pint heavy cream

-1/4 cup Hershey's Special Dark unsweetened cocoa powder

-Plain white sugar or honey (or fructose) to taste


The following ingredients are optional and to taste and can be omitted if so desired. I don't. These are what makes it extra delicious.
-MORE Hershey's Special Dark unsweetened cocoa powder

-One can of coconut milk (or one handful of shredded sweetened coconut)

-Ground nutmeg

-Ground cinnamon

-Ground black pepper

-More sugar or honey (or fructose.)

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INSTRUCTIONS:

Run the chopped "Shasta Daisies" through a blender, using just enough lukewarm water to make things able to move through the blades, adding bit by bit until you have 2 cups of green chopped up goop. Pour into a saucepan and set aside.

Now pour the heavy cream and/or the coconut milk into the blender. Break up the cake of Abuelita Mexican chocolate and add to carafe, blend until smooth. Or as smooth as it gets, which is a little sandy.

Add the rest of the ingredients into the carafe and blend them together now, if you're the bold type and know your spices. Or, you can wait and whisk them in later and taste often. It's up to you. I honestly don't care. Just do whatever the fuck you want. Just go right ahead.

Transfer the contents of the blender to the saucepan. Now add extra lukewarm water, cream or milk to this if you have to, enough to bring the slurry up to a 'Campbells chicken noodle soup' consistency. It all depends on how 'juicy' the "Shasta Daisies" were, so do whatever you gotta do here.


Stirring often, bring the contents of the saucepan up to a bare simmer, just before it begins to bubble actively. If you were all spineless about adding the extra ingredients earlier, now is the time to whisk them in, tasting often, but sparingly. After all, we're talking about "Shasta Daisies" here. At this point it's going to have a distinctly rank, uncooked green vegetable flavor. This is probably because at this point it's raw uncooked vegetable matter. You see.

Once it reaches the 'almost bubbling' point, lower the heat and let it steep on 'low' for at least 45 minutes, stirring occasionally. This develops the spices, extracts the active ingredients from the "Shasta Daisy" and also kills the 'lawn clippings and raw beans' taste.

Let cool (overnight in the fridge is optimum), then strain. I use a ricer over a fine mesh strainer set over a bowl, working in batches, so I can squeeze out every last drop of that "Shasta Daisy" goodness.
fig. 3: "Shasta Daisy". If anyone at this point actually, actually comments 'Hey, that's not a Shasta Daisy!', please go read Wife in the North.

This is delicious. DELICIOUS . The "Shasta Daisy" adds a pleasant astringency that keeps the whole from being too cloying, actually acting as both a culinary and a psychoactive ingredient. One 16 fluid ounce glass is roughly equivalent to the intoxicating effect of one hefty oxycontin, so if you're a cheap date don't be operating any giant wheat combines or the Space Shuttle or attempting microsurgery or taking care of an infant or trying to conduct serious business. Or actually yes, try and conduct serious business. And make a video of that, and send it to me. In about 30 minutes, assuming an empty stomach and a normal constitution, you should begin to feel the effects, which can last anywhere from 6 to 10 hours.

You Randolph Carter types will already know what to expect from the "Shasta Daisy" and its unique melange of active ingredients, and so you'll be glad to hear that you can use any of the usual enhancing agents to kick it with for that extra something special. I'd advise you to let it happen unassisted for the first trial, though. If I add anything, I add a shot of Bushmills and call it good.

Now, you see? Wasn't that worth waiting for? Yes it was. Now here's a picture of some boobs.

38 comments:

  1. Blimey, the dugong lover returns.

    Sounds tasty, but I think I'll stick to my magic mushroom lasagne . It makes the ladies most amenable.

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  2. Can I find these daisies in Sainsbury's or Waitrose?
    Sx

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  3. I appreciate your taking so long to describe the method of preparation, but I will stick to my fennel tea, if that is all the same to you.

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  4. SHE HAS ARISEN!

    LORD ALMIGHTY, SHE HAS ARISEN!


    I'll be back to read this later.

    *spins in circles looking for exit*

    SOMEBODY TELL EVERYBODY ELSE!

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  5. Right then, I'LL do it.

    *hurries to find Beast. And Mr. Frobisher. Amongst others*

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  6. What is this post about?

    Titties and flowers?

    I'm too excited to read it.

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  7. Seven Government Form is a Masonic ritual introduced to Philadelphia by my Great Uncle Eustace in 1878.

    I believe that the concoction you have apparently devised was in fact an essential component of this ritual.

    As an antiquarian, although considerably younger than Vicus, I would like to know how you came to discover this esoteric elixir

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  8. I missed you so much!!!!

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  9. *ignores the post*

    About fucking time!

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  10. Hurray. Love it. Love you. xx

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  11. Hurray. Love it. Love you. xx

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  12. A flowers and boobs, always a good recipe!

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  13. AH, BOOBS... now what were you on about?

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  14. Yay! It lives!

    You know, I was just on your blog the other day, muttering to myself, "Where is that bitch?! 9 months is really taking the piss!" So everything came out all right and the baby's fine, then?

    Alas, as you know, I am one of the ones that is allergic to "Shasta Daisies." And since I am not a dipshit, I will not partake.

    Also, where did you get that picture of me? I paid good money to silence those people.

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  15. Oh good - you're back. Definitely worth the dry heaving, reading that recipe.

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  16. oh wow i missed you. an old lady gave us some of those, they lead a tenuous existence at the fringe of the garden.

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  17. Thank the various gods, boobs and fucking flowers you're finally back.

    That said, I think I will have to bypass this lovely recipe as I'm afraid it will wind up much like the delivery of my first and only child with me in convulsions and finding out that I do actually have an allergy. (of course I'm allergic to the good stuff. it figures. sha.)

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  18. I fought amongst the Shasta Daisy's in Flanders and wear one with pride every Remembrance day, if I remember.

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  19. A cheap date???
    How dare you , I only put out after a slap up dinner

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  20. Finally. Wurde auch Zeit!

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  21. *reminds Beast that kebab and chips isn't a slap up dinner*

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  22. Reminds Piggy that if you add baked beans and a fried egg , it is

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  23. *drinks too much "Shasta Daisy" and vomits on Piggy, Tazzy and Beast*

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  24. *slaps them all with a kebab*

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  25. hey, sugar! xoxoxo

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  26. Finally I read that receipe.

    Thank you my dear!

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  27. Now, weren't you the one who was complaining a while back about a Shasta Daisy being stolen from your yard? And how the theif was not in store for the psychodelic experience he anticipated but rather a major dose of intestinal distress? So which is it with these shasta daisies? Friend or foe?

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  28. Yay! You're back and in fine form, FN! Excellent!

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  29. Firstly, nice to hear from you. Secondly, sounds a bit risky to me. All those calories!

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  30. Hello Lovely!

    certainly sounds more fun than my Sloe Gin!

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  31. Eeeek its Frobisher , whatever you do dont mention humous

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  32. garfy:
    i should think that in your case a mere lift of the eyebrow would have them dampening their panties all the way to glasgow XX!

    scarlet:
    yes. outside in the plantings.

    vicus: fennel tea? isn't that a specific for the winds or the fantods or catarrh or something?*sends vicus some sulphur tar toenail wax*

    mj: good gravy marie woman calm down. i need you to stay off the upholstery until you go check your pantiliner, ok? *bustles about in an annoyed fashion blotting at soft furnishings*

    garfy: in amongst my father-in laws papers. He was a past master of the local lodge. we also found several envelopes containing photographs of men with unfeasably large male members and a 1978 'Gay Guide To The City of Amsterdam'. guess which one of the above statements is bullshit. and remember, only one of them is.

    gale: i missed you too XO!

    P&T: fine. now wheres that envelope of Tazzy photographs you promised to send?

    rocky: Woo hoo!!!! how you been, chickie???

    xl: you could use it on boobs, sure.

    voices: you are SO PREDICTABLE. get it? preDICKtable? huh? get it? ge

    ...yeah.

    fatty: i could say the same about you, ms. missing from the damn web. and yeah, the baby is totally fine (girl, 7lbs,sadie rose!). the mommy we had to hang upside down and slap a couple of times.

    ara: dry heaving? are we allergic? don't dry heave. please. don't wet heave either. oh dear. *rushes around looking for a trashcan*

    wrenna: full sun, average soil, average to dry conditions.;)

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  33. joy: thats just not fair at all, is it? XX!

    knudie:you go right on ahead and try to make this out of a flanders poppy. *grabs trashcan away from arabella*

    beast: you put out after a slap-up, period. I've heard stories about you british people and your wacky smacky-butty hijinks. oh yes. *nods knowingly*

    mago: good lord man get with the program already. we speak A Mairacun here.

    *ignores smacky butty canadian-british interlude*

    savannah: hah yawl! XO!

    mago: its a good recipe. it tastes awesome and it will flat fuck you UP.

    dangerpanda: the ones in the front yard were X flanders. the flower had the somniferum form with the flanders scarlet, but the plant itself had more of the flanders characteristics, and thats where the good stuff is. the ones I grow elsewhere are the real dealio, though.

    ponita: thank you my darling XO!

    tick: I'm surprised you're able to stand up and take nourishment, much less stagger over to the computer and post, 'busy' as you've been. HOLY CRAP MAN.

    frobi: beloved sugar-Ratso of my heart! XX!!

    beast: you behave. *smacks beast with partially grated carrot*

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  34. Welcome the fuck back.

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  35. About damn time, woman!

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  36. You are back! You weren't fibbing!!
    I'd try the Shasta Daisy recipe only...

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  37. redneckarts here... I love shasta daisies especially and everything they stand for so this is like the dairy queen on drugs for me. Nice to see you here again.
    rr

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