Childrens Programming, or 'Spandex is Awesome"

My brain is dissolving.
I need to get out of this house.
I have the Goonybird over to babysit. He is darling, but he would rather argue with the stove than discuss Jean Arp. Whats more, I find that I have so many hours of childrens' television logged that I am beginning to form a strange attachment to it.

Example: a French-Canadian childrens' show called Lazytown.

The two adult protagonists in this show are male...the good guy is called 'Sporticus' (brother of Agador Hercules, one assumes; and a very sportif young man he is), and the bad guy is called 'Robbie Rotton' (who is very, very rotton indeed and in dire need of a sound paddling.)

Now both these individuals are damned fit specimens of prime young manhood...which only makes good casting sense since they're called upon to leap around the set like tree frogs. In order to facilitate all that joie de vivre, both young men are costumed in sleek, full-body spandex costumes.
Smoooooooooth.
I mean bounce-a-dime-off-that-honey-tight. Almost....hentai. YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH.

Unfortunately both men have been fiendishly dancers' belted within an inch of their *ahem* lives (one more successfully than the other is ya kin dig it)...after all, this is a childrens show.

Aha, but the producers overlooked one thing, you see.....as a consequence of being so darned fit, both men have been gifted by God with WORLD CLASS BUTTS. And those butts are wearin' spadex, baby.
No really, it's distracting as hell. The whole cast will be in the middle of some rambling debate on who stole the candy from Pixels' backpack or some shit, Sporticus turns away from the camera, and I'm lickin' the screen.

And be still my heart, but that Robbie Rotton can climb a treehouse ladder like nobodies business. You ever seen those old Blue Boy spreads where they're like, in the navy, and it's olden times, and there's a cute cabinboy, and the mean officer makes him scramble up the rigging....? Oh HELL yeah.

The other show that bothers me is called The DoodleBopps.. The Doodlebopps very own blue boy is known as, appropriately enough, Rooney Doodle*.
Now despite the somewhat more elaborate costume young Mr. Doodlebopp is required to wear, I feel certain he too shares the same hinder assal endowment Mr. Rotton and Mr. Sporticus enjoy, as young Rooney is called upon to execute the same frenetic motor activities. Tell ya what, he's obviously willing to do damned near anything in order to pay his rent. In any event, and despite the fact that he seems to have plums stapled all over his head, he looks a rather comely lad.

I like to imagine him getting a phonecall from his agent. I imagine him looking at his bills, and his overextended credit cards, and his ridiculous bar tabs, and sighing just a little bit.

I imagine Messrs. Rotton and Sporticus receiving similar calls, and looking at each other over that weeks' scripts, and grinning wide, like Snidely Whiplash.

Yep, yep, yep.

I really need to get out of this house.

* post of 1 - 20 - 2006...'Babies Are Good' in the archives

further proof of just how much spare time I have these days.....
THE DOODLEBOPS: ROONEY
yes, our Rooney is a limber lad...
http://umusicimages.ca/thedoodlebops/microsite/info_rooney.jpg
...and he certainly knows how to party! toss him a quarter, won't you?
http://www.cinar.com/download/Doodlebops/Rooneyplaying.jpg

LAZYTOWN: SPORTICUS, ROBBIE, AND SOME KID WITH PINK HAIR
http://www.samsproductions.com/minivanmom74/Blog%20Images/kidshows/photo044.jpg ensemble shot. even an industrial strength dancers belt cannot contain the glory that is Sporticus.
http://www.lazytown.com/media/about/robbierotten.jpg Robbies sweet, sweet ass
http://www.nyrrc.org/race/2005/images/nickelodeon.jpg Sporticus...a dear little bottom, true, but no Robbie.