Back awhile ago the Koreans succeeded in raising a strain of pig genetically engineered to glow in the dark. This caused quite a sensation here at Rancho FirstNations. 'What if they made a GLOW-IN-THE-DARK wrinkle dog??' I mused. I had fantasies of owning an entire litter of them and letting them loose on the property after dark, and running around amongst them screaming 'No! Call them off! Call them off FOR THE LOVE OF GOD..
I still cherish that dream.
Then I found this series of pictures (scroll for the full horror):
http://www.damnfunnypictures.com/html/Worlds-Ugliest-Bald-Cat.html
And thats got me thinkin' about cat ownership once again. But not just any cat. A bioengineered cat.
A GENETICALLY ENGINEERED LUMINOUS STICKY WRINKLE CAT.
Say farewell to yesterdays boring cat.
Say hello to todays' new Adhesive Lumacat!
Press telephone messages onto the Lumacats forehead and save $ on old fashioned Postit notes!
Grease it with shortening and play 'squit the cat for distance' at your next party!
Imagine the utter pantswetting horror your tiny trick-or-treating visitors will experience next Hallowe'en when they reach in the candy bowl and find a mewling litter o' Lumacats coated in red jello! AND RAW CHICKEN LIVERS!!!
WE COULD DO IT!
WE HAVE THE TECHNOLOGY!!!!!!!!!
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Speaking of cows, the first time I ever saw a Shar Pei wrinkledog it scared the living crap out me. I was walking down the sidewalk and I'm approaching what I thought was a very elderly, bald headed man sitting behind the wheel of a Cadillac.
As I passed, the elderly bald man went utterly batshit and started barking at me, snarling, honking the horn, and bashing his slobbery face against the glass in rage. I almost shit a length of bowel.
To me, one of the greatest accomplishments of the 21st century so far is the invention of the glow-in-the-dark pig. Trust dear old FirstNations-someday soon you will see this same technology applied to house pets-and I'll bet you any money the Japanese will be the first ones to market it. Until then, you can eat a ham sandwich in the dark and dream about that day.
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It would be useful while taking Dog for walks after dark, but I think it might be a little scary to awaken in the night to have a glowing cat at the end of the bed.
ReplyDeleteI think I would need a definite list of pros and cons prior to investing in a glowing pet.
Well howdy do, Whinger!
ReplyDeleteSee, you already have Dog of Darkness. He could be the antithesis to Cat of Light, see, and you could stage little at-home morality plays.
*sigh*
I've been drinking.
Hahahaha...
ReplyDeleteMy cat was extremely large and had no tail. And slept all the time.
That would be most odd, but you wouldn't fall over it on the way to the bathroom...
Hmm... Let me ponder this over beer.
the mental images abound. can i have a herd of gitd hamsters? they could scurry around in their plastic death stars at night, little glowing spheres of comical love! hehehe.
ReplyDeletewrinkle dog = shar pei. ancient chinese breed, originally bred to guard buddhist temples or something if memory serves. the breed was saved from exntinction at the beginning of the 20th c when someone brought a pitifully small number ofthem over from china, like 7 or something. all the shar peis you see today are decendants of that original 7. hence why they are prone to so many genetic disroders. i think the breed would benefit hugely from the infusion of a few new genes. esp. if they gitd.
You scare me.
ReplyDeleteBut now I want one of these FutureCats (tm).
welcome to my little cyalume house o' horrors, dear lee!
ReplyDeletemy purpose is to scare. my mission is to bap those who displease me with my wand. you may try on my tiara if you like because you are new here and i adore you recklessly.
Those are the most disgusting pictures I've ever seen in my life...
ReplyDeleteEven worse than the before and after pictures of a vagina that has given birth.