Oh dang! It's May! My natal month!
Lets all sing:
"IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIt's MAY! It's MAY! The lusty month of May!
Tra lalalala, lalalala, lalala, it's May!"
'It's May' rogers and hammerstein 1967
from the film 'Camelot' with richard harris and some other people
Important dates in May:
May1: Fete Du Travail.............
On this day in 1855 the Quebecois first celebrated in song and interpretive dance the hours of unimaginable agony that all mothers experience in childbirth.
May 27: Mt. Vernon Motorcycle swap meet......... Your hosts George Washington and Dolly Madison will be in attendance dispensing Syllabub Under the Cow to all.
May22: Victoria Day................
On this day the Victorians of Canada finally arose from the swoon induced by hearing the word 'childbirth' spoken aloud.
May 5: My great birthday.........
Which is completely amazingly great, and cool, and which should be a national holiday all over the world except in Mexico, where they think they can just be big stealers and make up their own crappy holiday about independence, which is so totally fake because it REALLY is my birthday. I am 46!
May1: May Day Bank Holiday, UK.............
All the banks go on holiday and the entire economy goes to hell. Then they have a big war and the economy recovers. No wait; thats America. Sorry.
May 10: Dia de la Madres, Mexico..................
Another fake Mexican holiday.
May 29: Memorial Day, US....................
On this day Americans everywhere take time out from their busy lives to remember their departed, to reflect on the precious gift of life and it's all-too-short span.
May 30: Memorial Day Observed, US..........
On this day Americans everywhere take time out from their busy lives to remember their departed by getting shitfaced drunk and dying in car accidents.
May 29: Spring Bank holiday, UK.......... Come on, what the hell is this? Is this fair? Another freakin holiday?
May14: Muttertag.............
The countryside comes alive every May 14 as Germans everywhere gather in the forests to play Muttertag. Elderly women are blindfolded, spun about several times and left by the roadside while the rest of the family retires to the nearest Rathskeller.
May 8: Victoire 1945............
Honestly, this is what my calender says. Who is this mysterious Victoire? Is it like the French Directoire? Are there beheadings? In which case I am so there.
May 25: Christ Himmelfahrt. No, really. Look it up. Christ Himmelfahrt.
All that stuff about heaven perfumed with spice? It's curry.
May24: Batalia da Pinchicha, Brazil..................
The friendly natives of this island nation celebrate the defeat of the pinchichas by standing on the roof of the local cathedral and dropping water balloons on nuns. (Similar to Batalia de Pinches, Mexico, where gentlemen of a certain persuasion show us their best side in the annual Petomaine Chorale competition.)
May 1: Dia de los Trabajos................
On this day Mexicans everywhere experience great regret at having made up a bunch of fake holidays because they were so jealous of my totally amazing AND great birthday that it made them cry like big whiner babies who poop in their pants. WAH WAH WAH.
May 14: Mothers' Day, US..................
Another holiday which I get to celebrate because of my incredible (fecundity) coolness. So I lord it over everyone and make them wait on me. Maybe this year I'll get get smashed on margaritas and yell at military helicopters again, like I did two years ago when I almost wrecked the Harley by standing up on the rear pegs and shouting "Canada is not the enemy motherfuckers!" while flipping it off with both hands. At speed. Fascist pricks.
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Have you started celebrating your own version of Cinco de Mayo yet? I always turn my birthday into a week-long celebration. I encourage you to do the same.
ReplyDeleteIf it's any consolation, it rained on bank holiday today from what I heard.
of course it rained on the bank holiday. It always does! This is England - can't have a holiday without rain...
ReplyDeleteDamn. I had something incredibly witty to say but the blogging whatsit got a sudden hatred of character control-P, whatever that is... Oh well.
ReplyDeleteHappy Birthday! Albeit early...silly Mexicans, don't they know? Plus, what up with them and the Brits with like 3 holidays each this month?
ReplyDeletemj: well, why not indeed? and it's SO SUNNY HERE!!!
ReplyDeletehendrix: you get another one later in the month, so good luck on that one!
noshit: could be on our end. our town server has been goofy for the past week. thats what you get when dairy farmers run your com network.
christine: they are so jealous. its ugly. but i understand. and thanks!
i'm going to forget because i will be drunk (there's a "y" in the day), so will say happy birtday to you right now this minute. small person is also a may baby. may babies rock.
ReplyDeleteand woo! for flipping off military helicopters from the rear pegs of a harley. again, can i be you when i grow up? can i? huh?
Surly: aren't you the one who shouts invective at harmless carpark attendants? you already are me.* sinister chord* although you can have the jiggly butt flub if you want it. happy maybaby smallperson birthday!
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