Wednesday, June 21, 2006

where the deer and the antelope play

The Stainless Steel Amazon has moved into a lovely house. Charming, well placed, full of light, on the lake.
One of the advantages of living in this part of the world is that the countryside retains a certain wildness despite most efforts to tame it; so that you have large forest ruminants and ungulates and raptors wandering through the scene lending things a certain Jurrassic jay nay say kwan.
My daughter has deer.
Deer who tiptoe through the misty grass, dipping their pretty heads to feed...taking giant monster dumps all over the lawn..looking in through the front windows like Gladys Kravitz with a runny nose...indulging in grunting, jerking interludes of bovine passion standing on the front deck, framed by the picture window, while my grandson hops up and down and says 'See doggie? Fight doggie!'
Deer suck.


  1. Yay! Im back! Im first!

    I like deer. What's jay nay say kwan, do you mean "je ne sais quois". Or is French a banned language in the good ol' USA now. eg:- "freedom fries"???

    Looks like I got back just in time, standards are slipping.

  2. I like deer. Especially with a red wine sauce.

  3. And they eat all your veggies, too.
    Bring back the coyotes.

  4. yeah, deer are wonderful. very good at scaring the shit out of you first thing in the morning when you open the front door and just about walk into it, trying to leave for work.

    lovely deer, they are.

  5. Ha. Sorry that last line by your grandson just cracked me up.

    At least their good entertainment for the kiddies.

  6. their = they're...I am so not with it.

  7. they are only good company in Disney movies.

    Good for your daughter though...I bet you're so proud!

  8. I am such a city kid that the first time I saw a deer (in our more rural present digs) I screamed, "Aaah! Fucking THING!" And do you think that overly tame animal did anything? No. Stared at me and then ambled off.
    PLUS: They got really screwy this year and ate my tulips.

  9. It's a shame Bambi had to die, but venison steaks have to be sourced somehow.

    Big doleful eyes mean nothing to me. I am a heartless carnivore.

  10. frobi: jay nay say kwan is Chinese for 'random sprinklings of french sure is pretentious'.
    standards were never very high to begin with. look at the like of you here.*bronx cheer*
    hendrix: ooo lovely.
    whinger: we have coyotes. thats what keeps the housecat population down round these here parts.
    claire: dumb deer. crappy deer. pretending to be all nice and shit. ha! i say.
    christine: everything with four legs is 'doggie' to him.
    kyah: i am SO proud. its the deer that ought to be ashamed.
    mutha: yeah, whoever said theres such a thing as a 'deer proof' plant owned a nursery and laughed all the way to the bank.
    garfy: AMEN to that. i love vennison. bunnies, lambies, duckies, hell; kill'em and grill'em!

  11. Me watching Bambi struggle through the snow after his mother's died:
    Me: Hahahahahaha. You dumbass dummy. She's dead! Sucks to be yooooo.
    Anyone remember the gay skunk?

    Good for your daughter! *gets out Japanese fans they use instead of pom-poms* Woooo! ^_^

  12. I dont think I have anything to say on the subject of deer.
    Which is most unlike me.
    I will go and sit on the lavatory for an hour or so and have a good think!
    I dont even have an opinion on venison and I thought Bambi was a total crock of shite even at an early age.
    At least Frobisher is back

  13. noshit: 'yew 'cn call me Flower if ya WANT tew'. yeah, i remember that skunk. make a nice hat.
    beast: my god yes, unlike you. mental constipation following buttal constipation, I suppose. go sit. close the door.

  14. I love the way deer majestically cross the road, drawn to the headlights of oncoming traffic - especially! The way the pause and look at you... "What are you doing, asshole?"

    Now who is the stainless steel amazon?

  15. Maybe I'll swap my foxes for your deer. Mind you, you can probably trump my fox with a coyote or a bear or something. Forget it, I'm not interested.

    So don't bring it up again.

  16. **** UPDATE FROM THE LAV****

    Nothing happening yet
    I am getting bored now

  17. Deer remind me of the countryside. Like foxes. Except erm... I see loads more foxes here then I ever saw in the country.

  18. i like deer. the geriatric beagle and i used to walk along this path where there was a regular herd. being a city beagle, she had no fucking clue that she was supposed to run the damn things down. she just stands there, google-eyed, agog, perplexed, looking for all the world like a, well, like a deer in the headlights actually. and of course the deer just stare back. this can go on for hours.

  19. carrie: you'd think an animal that size would have more sense than to wander into traffic. and then stand there daring semis to hit it.
    the Stainless Steel Amazon is my daughter, mother of the Goonybird.
    Wyndham: ok. i wont. sorry i brought it up.
    beast: keep trying. i know you can do it. run the water in the sink. sometimes that helps.
    billy: here in town we get raccoons and possums...a kind of a large football-shaped rat with a pocket.
    cb: funny! my goofturd dogs are afraid of deer too. they get all freaked out and run up the butt mohawk.

  20. Suddenly, the few squirrels we do battle with in our yard in Queens pale in comparison. The love scene, welll - interesting.
    Laughing about your grandson.
    It brought to mind the first time I saw dogs en flagrante delicto, I truly thought I had discovered something worthy of a freak show. I ran home and burst into the house yelling, "There's two dogs stuck together on the side road". I am sure that was handled with my mom's frankness about sex - okay, okay, wash your hands before dinner - never to be discussed again.

    Good for your daughter - hope she enjoys the new digs.

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