Thursday, August 03, 2006

just cut around the bad spots and use lots of dressing

saturday UPDATE: The playboy has bagged 1. the cable guy. I flat busted them and had to pretend I didn't have a clue. Also 2. The woman who rents out the PENTHOUSE APARTMENT has signified that she would in no way be adverse to his attentions.

This is inlaw week at Rancho FirstNations, I swear. Today we formally moved the Playboy of the Western World into his new apartment. Actually Mayflowers Movers moved him and he and I and one of his fans got in their way. I felt kinda bad for the guys. There you had an older gentleman with a walker who wants to follow you from room to room and tell you the history of all his belongings as you are trying to manhandle them into a large truck, a buxom redskin marshalling everyone around with no very real clue as to what goes and what stays pointing imperiously at piles of trashbags, and Bubba the elderly hippie queen wafting about shouting 'Willie, come SIT DOWN!' while eyeing the smaller 'objets' at arms length over the top of his half-glasses wistfully.

Then the whole circus moved from the four bedroom house to the one-bedroom-and-kitchenette apartment, where pretty much the same activity commenced but in reverse and on a much smaller scale, resembling the 'stateroom scene' in 'A Night at the Opera.'Yes, we were actually clambering over furniture and getting caught in the legs of the walker; it was - meh; it was pretty much a day in the life; actually. It was awfully close quarters. (One of those movers was smelling SO fine. I wouldn't allow the Yummy Biker out of the house wearing that cologne, thats for sure. Not unescorted.) Gotta hand it to them; despite all the 'help' they got it done in two hours and not one single casualty.

The poor movers had to hustle everything up directly through the center of the place using the passenger elevator. (Of COURSE the freight elevator was down.) The lobby filled with residents all discussing the new fish and taking a nice long look at his swag. Oh, the oxygen machines were pumping overtime! Many a pair of Depends' were filled at the sight of all that Mediterranian brass and Haitiian ironwood going past! And they didn't even see the Man Ray photograph. I did. It was nekkid.

We had barely begun to unpack and already two little widows had come in and introduced themselves. I earned myself a shot in the head for pointing out 'Gee! Looks like you're going to get a lot of play here, huh?" rather loudly. Zotz, right in the head. "Yes and thats EXACTLY what I need!" he rejoined.

Later on we sent out for gyros and baklavas and he got the television hooked up. When I left he was watching a soap opera, full blast, standing in front of the screen peering intently at the action, which at this point in the proceedings consisted of "Oh! Anthony! Oh, oh God, yes! Oh, oh, oh yes, Anthony!" Hell, I left the door open. All the way down to the third floor 'Oh, Anthony! oh darling, yes darling, oh, oh..' rode with me.
Oh yes, the Leopold is in for a shakeup.

...And yes, I inherited all the used vegetables.


  1. Wishing the playboy a long and happy spell in his new home. Don't residents love it when someone new moves in? it's the same the world over. Bless 'em.

  2. the residents DO love it when someone new moves in. Hell, my grandmother still lives in the same house she's been in for 50 years. She was really upset that she wasn't going to be home the day the new people across the street moved in. I think she was goign to set up a lawn chair and watch all of their loot go through the door.

  3. frobi: it was funny! and all the woemn giving him the once over...what a trip!
    claire: see, i'd go hide thinking they would expect me to offer to help. but i'd peek out the drapes.

    announcement: i have another mushy head of lettuce and part of a bunch of green onions. what would jesus do?

  4. He would step on the pedal of his trash can and heave it right in!
    Actually Jesus probably would have composted.
    Love that scene from A Night at the Opera"

  5. FN Hurrah for the playboy , he is going to have a great time with all the blue rinse totty fighting over him.
    Jesus of course wouldn't have second rate salad vegetables , that is why he is the son of god and we are not , if he did I am sure it would only be to demonstrate some irritating parable about moral decay or somesuch.

  6. Wow! Any move is such a transition but change all in all is exciting... here's to a great new chapter in the Playboy's life!

  7. I love the word "nekkid".

  8. Oh...somehow this made me all moist eyed. Fucking hell, it sort of sounds like quite a fun day and old people are so adaptable but why must the tv be on quite so loud? I hope the gyros were good - I spent my childhood in greece courtesy of wanky Greek stepdad so I know all about gyros and baklava - yummy. Oh - your dad sounds like quite a card. I hope he is happy. x

  9. You had Cafe Akoteri baklava without me.
    I cannot believe this.
    I am so not talking to you until I get some baklava.
    Bring that, a lawn mower, and Brad Pitt circa....oh, Fight Club... over, and all will be forgiven.
    BTW, I am awaiting my copy of Fight Club. Please try and not drool all over the DVD while you are at the casa with Gooneybird. please.

  10. g: i think you are absolutely correct; jesus would have composted. therefore i have resigned these used wedge nibbles to the heap. i can't wait for them to come back in three days!
    beast: the blue haired totty is already circling like a flock of blue haired the cable guy walks out with a cheerful spring in his step.
    mizB: i think it's going to be pretty cool for him; thanks XO!
    mutha; you'd love this photograph, too, lemme tell ya. buns? oh yeah.
    sandy buns, buns, buns, shiny sandy buns...
    rocky: he lives right across the street now from the greek restaurant that his cousins own..hell yeah, hes gonna be fine!
    neur; ...oh, and it was soaky least three days old...with almonds, and walnuts, and butter, and hazels...mmmmmm.
    i just gave you a weedwhacker and a puerto rican boy in a dress; why you godda be sussa biss to evabudee? likin the new avatar btw!

  11. Happy mellow days at the Playboy palace.

  12. Just a lovely post. I love the word 'nekkid' too, and I like baklava a fair bit. Good stuff. Blue Rinsers are so funny when they get a-twitterin'.

  13. ara; thankee! i think he's just what they need.
    crustyB: isn't it a trip? i grew up assuming nobody even thought about that stuff after 50; now i'm relieved to see them in full howl mode, chasing each other around in their wheelchairs!

  14. I am sooooooo buying that movie. Right now. ...God, you'll never leave my house if I do, but....*sigh*.

    Come on, Gloria. Let's go.

    ps: I am going to farmer's market today, would you like me to pick anything up for you?