Wednesday, September 06, 2006

White Saw Shark The Twelve Nightmarish Hours

This was the view from the end of my driveway last night...the full moon rising over Mt. Baker with my down-the-street neibor's barn in the foreground.

Next month something interesting happens, sky-wise; so if I remember, I'll try and take a picture of the moon in the same position, but with a bright yellow star directly over it: star, moon, mountain, barn.

It's like a haiku.

Well, enough of that.

Right now this is what's staring at me...this canadian severed totem pole coffee mug head with pens stuck in it.
Gaze upon it's potent tackiness.
Ponder it's unnerving gaze filled with mysterious knowing.
Thank whatever God you worship that it is no longer at large in the community.

"Hey Coon Dog!" we said. "When you go back to Louisiana this year, bring us back a souvenir!"
We got a severed alligator head and a half-empty bottle of hot sauce he stole from the resteraunt at the airport.

Leonardo DaVinci and Cowboy Curtis sharing a doobie on my bookcase.

" ..But dude, I still dont get whats so funny about Snakes on a Plane."
" Now gol-durn it, Leonard, jest lay offen that subject for about five muthafuckin minutes, wouldja?"

To further my image as the wealthy, devil-may-care citizen of a first world nation, I leave giant jugs of money lying about my house.

There must be virtually oneses of dollars in this one alone!

This is the stain that was on my carpet yesterday. Now you tell me why a bunch of Crisco appeared in my sink.

Was it a miracle?

.........oh DANG.

Check this out! It was in my cupboard!
You know how people are always finding tortillas with the face of Jesus on them?


It could be.

For the past twenty-one years the Yummy Biker has hung this picture over the doorway of our kitchen.
It may be a compliment.
It may be a warning.
Mainly I think he likes it because it says 'Regularity' and thats funny if you're German. Or Beavis and Butthead.

yeah, yeah, yeah; or ME.

...and this illustrates that last point rather vividly, wouldn't you say?
No, it's not the Chunnel.
No, it's not the Eiffel Tower. (Maybe the Awful Tower.)
No, it's not Tammy Faye Bakers' yearbook photo.
It's the END.

Oh ha! Ha ha! is laugh my face so muchly!


  1. The alligator head must truly be considered art, no?

    and i have no idea what to say about your last picture.

    except maybe, "ew".

  2. I want that potato pic for my Irish porn collection!

  3. Anonymous12:53 PM

    Wow!! I want that croc head, I simply must have it. I love it.

    You have a lovely view. Are you a Walton?

    More pics of your town pretty please

  4. Anonymous12:53 PM

    ...or pretty town please

  5. Gives Mr. Potato Head a whole new meaning...

  6. claire: I like it. its got pointy teeth, its reptilian and its a severed head. whats not to like?
    mj: no. MY sacred potato apparition of the nads of our lord.
    hardhouse: Yes. I am Jim-Bob Walton. The one who was always jacking off behind the barn. That barn right there, in fact.
    Danator: sorry about the alligator. I'm sure he had a very happy life and died peacefully. as you can see he's still smiling.
    God, I have no sense of the appropriate. none at all.

  7. please take opie's ass of the intarwebs.

  8. Is that Opie in an undignified moment?
    BTW- I use the totem pen-holder as a poor build up to the admission that I sold that book on ethnopsychiatry of the Shoshoni. To someone other than you. Forgive me. Extroardinary feats of hand-selling in the booktrade are in my blood. Please be comforted to learn that it went to a really nice home in LA with a Native American chap called Robert.
    Slinks off.

  9. Ah yes, so it is then.

  10. Haha, regular. ha.

    And the croc head? They were everywhere when I went to Louisiana (oh good christ, 6 years ago...)

    AND on your post below, definitely a visual orgasm, and I don't even ride.

  11. neur: no. it's time the world knew.
    ara: oh goodness, don't worry...I only wanted the TITLE so i could request it at the library. heavens, make a living!
    christine:well? you try being married to a german. it isn't all beer and lederhosen. but he does build a mean chopper, doesnt he?

  12. Oh sweet jesus. Never in my life has a potato brought TEARS of laughter to my eyes. I am in pain, PAIN I tell you!

    Ooh, you should do a "vegetable porn" post. You could take your potato and have it do lewd things with, say, an ear of corn. or a summer squash! and many funny things with pairs of tomatoes. the possibilities are endless.

  13. Heh. I found a kiwi fruit that looked like the front of a man's bottom. (Think about it...)
    Man, you have Elvis magically appear on your carpets too? I just can't get rid of it...