Tuesday, September 05, 2006
WORSHIP THE GLORY THAT IS OUR SPORTSTER
Feast your eyes on the visual orgy that is our chopped Sportster.
Deal with it, bitches.
I had a spot on my carpet. I have no idea what substance was responsible, although I suspect it was something goonybird-related. Anyway, for an amount of time that I refuse to admit to I have been treating it with the attitude 'if i ignore it, it will ignore me', and while it has been ignoring me, it has also been getting darker.
I finally broke down and scrubbed it out oldschool, down on my hands and knees with (a large tube of Astroglide and a mardigras mask), a handfull of rags, a brush and a squirtbottle of oxybleach. Leaving me with a nice clean spot on my rug, but since it's now a spot of a color sometimes found in nature I figured I was still ahead of the game.
Until I went to rinse shit off in the sink. Suddenly I have this blossoming of small flakes of white, hard grease appearing. Like flakes of suet...on everything I was using and all over the inside of the sink.
Where the how the fuckin what in the hell?!?
It was like a strange little cosmic event. And really, thats the kind of cosmic event that I'd rate. Other people get alien monoliths with cryptic inscriptions; I get sink crud from another reality.
That probably caused a few new grey hairs, and we can't have that. So I decided to touch up the roots.
Now I am cheap. (and judging by the above I'm dirty too. So why am I broke all the time??) When the hair dye warns 'Caution! Throw unused portion away! Storage of the mixed product in a sealed container may result in explosion!' fuck; that's like a challenge. And a challenge delivered with the promise of something exploding? Who in the fuck do they think is buying this stuff??
So it was that I reached for the mixed product that had been sitting in my medicine cabinet for a week, unexploded, cautiously undid the cap-still no explosion dammit-and proceeded to lose that grey.
Hair dye doesn't smell real good on the best of days but when the funk off this shit hit me it about made my eyes cross. What did it smell like?
It smelled like lemon vodka vomit pee.
But it was already on my head.
So I left it there.
And forgot about it while I vaccuumed the carpet.
One hour later when I reached up to adjust my glasses I realized that I wasn't wearing glasses and that I had a head full of goop. I rinsed it off...no more hairs in the tub than usual...dried it with a towel...no hanks of hair coming off in handfulls...checked my look...no bald spots...
So far so good. In a couple of days I may break out in pus filled head hives, but for now, I look ten years younger.
And my house smells like the bathrooom floor in an 'Eighties nightclub.