Thursday, November 02, 2006

Brown Gila Monster The Vengeance Car Is Fast!

I get to have the Goonybird overnight tonight! Yay!

I'm sorry, but really now - is there anything better than grandchildren?
This is how I wanted to be able to love my daughter when she was this age...just to play and enjoy her presence, not to be the mommy police and spoil the fun with 'no no!'
It does not hurt that my Goonybird is the most beautiful, sunny, intelligent child in the known universe.
I look at this kid and I feel pure satisfaction and pure, unconditional love. He's like finding money! Or receiving unexpected good news!
It never grows old. I marvel at his perfect little feet and hands and the little rosebud mouth and I feel the same way as I did when I first met him, when he was quiet and blue and covered in ook and opening his eyes and looking around like a space traveler.

He wrote his name on the bathtub last night with his soap crayons. Two years old, folks!!! Needless to say this bathtub has taken on the status of an international shrine in my eyes. (His mother took pictures so don't start with me.)

When I pick him up at daycare he spots me and his eyes light up. His whole face lights up. He runs to me with his arms wide shouting 'Grandma!'
It knocks me out, folks.

I keep trying to remind myself that in no time at all he'll be a sniggering, zitty adolescent boy.
I will probably feel the exact same helpless, sappy adoration I do now. Aw look, he just set that abandoned car on fire! That's grandmas' boy! Hey, let's go shoot rats out at the dump this weekend! Grandma will show you how to fire the sawed-off!

I wish we had trick-or -treat pictures of him, but it was below freezing Halloween night so he went out as a 'sensibly dressed person'. The cuteness would have been blinding. Cuteness sensors all over the globe would have registered 7.62. Citizens would have been evacuated from street level buildings where the cuteness rays were the highest. That's what happened last year. Really. The Japanese were pissed.
He's growing up so fast, dammit. I've got to get busy with the sewing machine for next Halloween. In a couple more years, he won't make a very convincing Holy Infant of Prague.


  1. Aw.. that's very sweet. No one loves you more than gramma. He better remember that.

  2. That's nice you made a halloween costume for him. I didn't picture a guy would even sew.
    Children do look cute in costumes.

  3. Will you be my gramma? I want a gramma like you. Mine was emotionally abusive and gave me an inferiority complex that took a decade to recover from after the old bat finally croaked.

    I'm going to Hell for saying that.

  4. You are a dream grandma! My grandma calls my cousin who has Aspergers retarded and she means it... before we found out she has Aspergers she would tell us she is shit... and much crap with me too but I will spare you...

    So, will you by grandma too? ;-)

  5. Awwwwwwwwwwwwwww.
    Thats all I have to say.I am afraid having testicles somewhat offsets the cuteness effect...its a man thing.

    Except to clear up one thing

    Hello Megs - FN is a girl....sorry just had straightening that out

  6. claire: I'll beat it into him.
    megan: When he was a bitty bitty baby he was apirate and ohmigod the cuteness!
    cb: ok. you have to change my Depens, though. that sucks balls, man, My grandmother was the only sane adult in my childhood. i loved her!
    mizB: oh, ok. you too. You're in charge of my porn. I prefer bear daddies.
    beast: thats ok. I'll take you out shooting rats at the dump someday.

  7. FN, I'm a grandad too, and it feels great. Can't believe my little baby girls are all grown up with their own babies now.

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  9. I need a grandma, too. I got shafted in the grandparent department. When can I expect the cookies and hand-knitted sweater?

    I'd rather have grandkittens than grandkids. They're cuter, and they're toilet trained by 3 months.

  10. First Nations is a woman???

    Good God

  11. Anonymous4:44 PM

    YES FN is a female. Hence my calling her "Ma" and "Mama" and "Mum".
    But you know, it's funny because I've been mistaken for a dude online, too. Could be all my lechreousness. Speaking of lecherous, if Beastie was your son, would that make me Beast's Ma? Because I dunno if I can handle that, that's a whole lotta dirty right there.

    BTW, I got all teary when I read this. I know exactly what you mean about his eyes lighting up when you go and get him from itty bitty baby makes waking up and my entire day worth it all.

  12. I remember my mother as a dictator....seriously ruling with an iron fist. But now...ohhh, now, my kids can get away with ANYTHING with her. She doesn't care what they do as long as they are not hurt.

    Pisses me off...but then again, grandparents get to have all the fun!

    ROCK ON , are most def something serious!

  13. FN, I've often been told that having grandchildren is your reward for not killing your teenagers.

    He sounds adorable and you are totally besotted with him, and that's as it should be.

    some day I'll have grandchildren. Some day....

  14. Lecherous......little old me ???? I am so sweet, pure and clean living the Osmonds want to adopt me.......err or was that the where are those fecking reading glasses.
    Goody rat shooting , can you BBQ them afterwards

  15. hang on a second! how come I get the diapers and MizB gets porn duty??? I wanna swap!

  16. tom: there is no way you're that old. isn't it great, though? did you ever imagine it would be so cool?
    danator: here's a gift card for Old Navy. you make a good case for grandkittens, actually. is it like aritficial insemination? does mrs. danator know what she's being volunteered for?
    frobi: it came s a shock to all of us. if i manage to live long enough i may get the hang of it, too.
    neur: i don't care if people think I'm a guy or not. won't be the first time or the last. and yes, you would be beasts' mommy.
    *happy place, happy place..*
    awaiting: yeah, I warned the SSA about that. I give him milkshakes and let him trash the house and draw on the kitchen wall! it's great to finally be able to say yes!
    pamela: i've never heard that before, but i think theres some sense in it! i would have missed all this if i'd put the SSA adrift on an ice floe every time i'd wanted to..
    beast; you are fooling nobody. ozzy called and he turned you down. doesn't want to be upstaged, he says. thats what sharons' for.
    cb; see, you and I must be going to entirely different websites, because in my mind they're all part of a continuum.....*happy place, dammit, happy place...its not working..happy place...*

  17. Eww!

    and just out of curiosity, where in the hell do you come up with your post titles???

  18. Gorgeous post FN - although not as gorgeous as the Goonybird is I'm sure. you almost made me want to have children just so I can experience being a grandma - but then I remembered that any child of mine would be so damn contrary they'd remain childless just to spite me!

  19. you may yet manage to be an auntie, HC, and that's a lot like being a grandma. maybe. we hope.

    oh who am i kidding.