Tuesday, November 07, 2006

DON'T PANIC....updated!!!!!

...There's a picture there...just click on the big empty space and it will magically appear!
Ok. So apparently half of Whatcom County is underwater this morning, and pretty much all the rest of Western Washington along with it. And truth be told, it has been a trifle dampish lately....I went out to pick up the Goonybird yesterday and almost got cut off by floodwaters that rose suddenly. And by that I mean within a 45 minute period of time it went from dry pavement to pavement under sixteen inches of flowing water.
But once you get inside Sumas city limits? Nothing. Oh yeah, its raining...but nothings flooded.
Refer to the map above.
Sumas is six feet below sea level. It is reclaimed floodplain. It was origionally seasonal marshland drained by the so-called Sumas river, and a smaller part of the Fraser River flood complex. This is a water-created geological formation you can see from space.
We have nothing.
Now either something is just about ready to give way and pour the entire county's worth of flood into the little muddy dog dish we live in, or the Illuminati or whoevers in charge of the weather satellites will spare us just for a laugh. Either way, it's a trip.
Usually, the first sign of rain, our property goes from suburban to lakefront. We have a couple of mallard ducks that move into the back corner and tear up my lawn all winter dabbling for whatever mallard ducks eat (mud? gravel? used cars?) We've had great blue herons fishing-yes, fishing- behind our garage. Just beyond the fence we'll get flocks of huge trumpeter swans FLOATING around.
Nothing. The usual couple of seagulls and a crow or three.
We've never had the water come into our house, although we've had plenty of water UNDERNEATH the house...which sets on piers. Yeah. No foundation slab here. Remember, part of this house was built before America was a country...no building code. I am thinking about installing a brace of marine diesel inboards. Maybe a couple tiers of sweeps and a burly slave to beat a drum.
Actually, that would be cool! Instead of building houses as though simply by denying the existance of flooding you could magically prevent it, build houses equipped to float around like boats! You could go visiting! You could make big rafts out of a whole neiborhood by tying a bunch of houses together and then you could climb all through the windows to go see your friends, run across the roof, jump between doorways, shit. It would be cool! You could have wars! The Yummy Biker and I would run up the Jolly Roger and go plundering down south for this year's Christmas presents! We'd just tie off on the Space Needle and prepare to repel boarders! Hoist the mizzen! Flail the jeebers! Revamp the foc'sle franes!
Yeah, fuck...I need breakfast.

as Danator would say, clickie for biggie:

Did you see the SALMON MIGRATING across the highway down in Skagit county on the news? no fricken lie, man, theres SALMON swimming upstream to spawn on highway 9!!! Check it on Fox News 13!


  1. Yeah, well we got plenty of wet here. I have to cross the Kent Valley--the god amighty Green River--to get anywhere. At least I don't live down in the valley. I'd be going to the store in a kayak.

    I had no idea Sumas was so enchanted. Hmmm.

  2. Quickly knock up a load of gravy. Put the congealed gravy in sandbags and surround the house! It would take a tsunami to get thru.

    If you are going looting can you pick me up a North Face Nuptsi jacket (black/large) two crates of beer and half a dozen packets of Xanax (1mg). Thank you.

  3. FN, it's crazy around here innit? Roads under water, things floating away. It's coming down so hard here right now It's insane.

    I think I need to build an ark.

  4. kristy: dang, be careful. the green's close to cresting too, i hear.
    frobi: har de har! oh ha! is so your face to laugh! ok. jacket, check...xanax, check...what kind of beer? take your pick; we're in microbrew heaven here. may i suggest a northfork stout?
    pam: no lie. we may have to sandbag the garage. still no sign of even a puddle here though-12.noon. freeeeeky.

    *attempts to go to calm spot*

  6. wow, that's wacky. I do LOVE your diagram, btw. Made me laugh all outload and shit.

    Good luck with the water. And toss out some breadcrumbs for the mallards.

  7. ahem. outloUd. dur.

  8. i need coffee. when i first read your comment, mj, i thought it said *attempts to calm g spot*

    it seems that's what I need to do.
    er, yeah.

    FN: floating house neighborhood blanket fort war zone delux 3000! Fuking cool! I'm SO there.

  9. There is a marvellous nautical term to describe a barnacled hull....your bottom is foul....he he he.I am so with you on floating houses , I have dressed up as a pirate and am going to keelhaul Mr C, make the dogs walk the plank and splice frobisher to the mainbrace.
    I like the cut of your gyb madam

    ****dances a hornpipe****

  10. I love the diagram. Unfortunately, we only get perchlorate in our groundwater, in spite of all the meth labs. It's so unfair.

    And rain? You jammy bastard. It's 85 degrees here today, and the swamp cooler's running, and the Santa Ana winds are blowing. I'm jealous.

  11. Yay!! Happy Salmon!!!

    Today is the best day ever. You know, for them.

    Perhaps not so much for you and the rest of Washington state. Eh.

  12. Anonymous7:36 PM

    Washington: made a part of the USofA in 1889.
    Rancho de FN: made in 1891-1920.


    I like your salmon spawining picture!

  13. Glad you're ok! We have had such unusually crazy rain here that there was quite a bit of flooding... an area ten minutes from here had the people stuck in their cars, with the water almost completely inundating the cars... we got stuck in some water that drowned our engine and had us stranded until we had our car towed back... now the question is was it so bad that it won't start when dry? That's what the tow truck guy thought, in which case we are screwed! And that is the car we are trying to sell!


    It is raining as I type!

  14. mj: just wait; in a couple of hours you'll be floating past and I'll toss you a lifering.
    claire: the ducks can go duck themselves. damn lawn tearing up ducks.
    cb: dibs the sofa! dibs the sofa! thats my island! no do overs!
    beast: arrrrrrrrr. i say send them up the rigging. because i saw this one porno onetime where there was this really mean pirate? and he made the cabin boy climb up to the crows nest? in his little pirate breeches? and then he followed him? and, yeah.
    fatty: oh, its like bathwater here. the temps in the high 60's so its nice and murky like breathing other peoples exhale. bleagh.
    claire:well yeah, the salmons are all fuckin' happy arent they? stupid salmons!
    ssa: the origional section of our place was built 1882. so HA on you.
    go kiss a fish. they're all out on the highway.

  15. In the northeast April this year we had flooding too which was unusaul. It rained for days till I was tired of it.
    Not much flooding where I was but other places it was bad.The worst damage it did was drown some flowers planted out front and made a big puddle.
    I like your comment Pam on building an ark :).

  16. I would consult either the Ouija Board or the Tarot on this situation.



  18. I know where I'd be; picking up the salmon off the highway. They charge a fortune for salmon down here. Imagine that, free sashimi just flopping up to your doorstep. All I get on mine is crackheads, and they're nowhere near as tasty.

  19. carmentza: i consulted my dog opie. he has no comment.
    beast: blogger has been refusing me access is where i've been. stupid blogger.
    fatty: top tip: confine that crackhead to a stall and finish him on a diet of water and corn to get rid of that gasoline and pee flavor. fire up the barbecue, ma, we're having salinas long pig!
    not that id know.

  20. It's all flood-y over on this coast, too, FN. It rained something ridiculous like 4 inches in Ma Nator's neighbourhood, yesterday. I was taking the train home and saw all the rivers spilling over or lapping at the bridges. I was all set to use my seat cushion as a floating device, except that, since I was on NJTransit, I'd have to unbolt the whole bench seat and sink like a stone...

    I enjoyed the pictures, but you need to merge the two, so the rain cats & dogs have a soft, splashdown landing. Maybe you could put pontoons on the cats, so they could slide in for a landing, and eat the salmon.

    One question - do tatoes float?

  21. danator: with you in mind, i made sure that all the cats were floating with their heads well out of the water. go look again. they are disoriented, but no actual cartoon cats were harmed during the making of this diagram. promise.
    unfortunately, tatos are sinkies, not floaties. but they have an ingenious gas propulsion system that allows them to jet quickly to dry land.

  22. This sounds like Masachusetts October 2005 and spring 2006. Even stranger things are happening this year: we elected a democrat as governor!
    When blogger calms down FN -- PLEASE stop by. I am just under 10,000 words -- into National Novel writing Month. I need the cheer. Week two is a bitch.