Tuesday, November 21, 2006

Viridian Elephant Mad Sandwich Debacle, is Jiro Defend?

Mangonel immediately captured my heart by being able to hurl large objects, sometimes in flames, quite a long distance where they would land and cause all kinds of damage. Plus Mangonel knew that Pangur Ban means "White Cat'. But I know what 'Blodduydd' means, so HA. (This is where Chaucers Bitch struts onto the scene and blows us all away with her Old and Middle English and a smitch of Welsh fu. Smartass.) I'll do the linkie squinkie thing after I've had some coffee; in the meantime link back through my comments on mangonels avatar. SUFFER.


1. Other children want to be firemen, president, perhaps ballerinas. When I was a kid, I wanted to be a wilderness person. Or, in other words, a hermit. Seriously. I must have read 'My Side of the Mountain' fifty times. I gathered survival supplies like wax coated striker matches, a pocket knife, tinder, first aid stuff, string, boullion cubes... oh yes. I had them hidden all over the neiborhood. I studied the old Boy Scouts manual on woodcrafting, army manuals, hunting magazines; I was totally into it. I was going to survive, man. Raise bees, weave wildgathered mountain goat wool, gather berries and herbs, kill and dress my own game...I was going to build a stone cabin and chop wood and dam a crick and raise trout. I have all the Foxfire books and the early hippie Whole Earth - Shelter publications, and I have them practically memorized. I was totally into biology and animal and plant identification, all that stuff. In fact I was....

2. One of the few, the proud, the Rangerettes. Yes, I was a charter member of Ranger Ricks Nature Club, and I have the badge to prove it. (It was a kids wilderness magazine.) Had I not had the respiratory difficulties I would have happily gone into the Forest Service. Mountain Muk!

3. I have never been arrested or questioned by the police. And that's their fault, not mine. Ahem.

4. I cannot display a picture of a person if the eyes are staring straight out at the viewer because eyeballs creep me out. I also do not display family pictures. When I want to see them, I will. Otherwise I already know what they look like.

5. In 1978 I was solicited to appear in a porno movie.

Nails on the head with a pinecone: Chaucers Bitch, Ziggi, Tom 909, Treespotter and Noshit Sherlock!


  1. Hang on hang on!!!!

    Please elaborate on #5.

  2. And Yeay! I'm first.

  3. I had shoes when I was a kid that had animal tracks on the sole and a compass hidden inside in a secret compartment....they were so cool , totally with you on number 4 , err number 5 ...no comment
    ***runs away blushing***

  4. i wanted to be Quincy when i was as young as 4

  5. Ya got me, oh the humanity!

  6. Blodduedd! Owls or flowers? You decide!

    I stand in awe of Wilderness Woman. Creepy-crawlies give me the screaming ab-dabs - You like to get back to nature, I like to get back to the hotel.

    Not even baby pictures of your children? Eyes right?

    And yes, more on #5 please.

    Thank you for your indulgence. I checked out the next five and they will be zingers.

  7. Did Grizzly Addams, I mean Dan Haggerty float your boat?
    Did you know that 'He was a free spirit, living in the Malibu Canyons with his animals while making his own furniture and clothing." hubba hubba..go ahead I'll wait if you need a moment..

    I guess that operating an iris scanner at an airport security station is out of the question...
    so, you have never been arrested or questioned by the police eh..
    does that include Mounties, MI5, and Mossad?

  8. Anonymous8:42 PM

    Hey you, I started my own neighborhood club. We weren't a franchise thing, just a bunch of girls (three of us, all told) and we rocked! Ok, we collected rocks and hung out down by the pond in our front yard.

    I never did get a compass or wax covered matches. You were obviously a lot cooler!

  9. Oh God, re: #1 & #2.... You too? Campfire girl here, reader of all the "Little House" books (the TV series can fuck right off), which led me to the "Foxfire" books, CampFire Girl extraordinaire, my mother couldn't keep the house stocked in matches or Folger's, and I planned on living in the wilderness.

    All this in spite of the fact that I spent half of the year, EVERY year, in an oxygen tent in the local hospital. I couldn't step outside without breaking out in hives, or sneezing until I passed out, or turning blue from lack of breathing.

    I was determined. I learned how to shoot an air rifle, and a bow and arrow from the back of a galloping pony. I was a good shot too, dammit, when my eyes weren't watering and my nose wasn't running.

  10. Anonymous2:37 AM

    Wow, sounds like the real wild west out there. Now you got me worried, what's my name doing at the bottom of your post. Have I got to do this same thing.

  11. Anonymous6:11 AM

    Am I alone in being totally mystified by the title of this post?

  12. Wow, very cool. I did very little of that stuff as a young child - I was too busy pouting that I couldn't join the boy scouts, who had cool uniforms and did cool things, unlike the girl scouts, who wore SKIRTS and learned ICKY GIRL THINGS. I did learn how to do various outdoorsy things from my stepfather later, though (track deer, build a fire, shoot a bow, etc.), although I'd be hard pressed to do them, now.

    Yay for you as a wee thing, all self-reliant and determined! :o)

    So, what's with the eyeballs thing? Do you get squicked out just from people looking at you, in general? Do you prefer shifty-eyed people? No wonder you don't have cats, what with them always staring at you.

    Let me guess, #5 was all about the giant boobies.

  13. tick: I didn't.
    beast: i remember those! i always wanted the ones little kids have now, with the lights that blink when you take a step.
    pod: you wanted to be jack klugman? jesus, i'm sorry.
    noshit: are you and frobisher hitting the kind? i am so confused. thats normal, but still. please, please explain.
    mangonel: a woman who could change into a barn owl, the way i remember it (badly). you need to go make the aq of CHAUCERS BITCH right now. once she's off her back, anyway. baby pix, nope.porn, didn't.
    homoE: that show blew SUCH dick. dan haggerty was a cokehead, too. no, i'm more the mr. spock type. every seven years he comes, and he goes type a thing. you need to shut up about mossad RIGHT NOW. this isn't a secure comment lounge.
    pam: very cool! i used to catch crawdads and ride them around in the basket on my bike. to this day you can't keep me out of a crick.
    fatty: your story is mine! i'd stay out until i had an asthma attack and huge crimson hives from the johnson grass. sigh. failed frontierswomen.
    tom: yes, you have been tagged for a meme. tell us five interesting things about yourself. or feel the wrath of thor. or something. and you're living my fantasy, by the way. minus the horses, which kind of intimidate me. pastoral heat!
    realdoc: when I can't think of a title, which is usually, i take one from a badly translated list of japanese childrens television show episodes that i found.

    danator: i am so in agreement about the boy scouts vs the girl scouts thing. me too. girl scouts had to make place settings and enter them in the fair. boy scouts learned to orienteer and rock climb. the eyeballs thing is a leftover from all the confrontational, eerie images of catholic saints we had all over the house, which tend to follow you with their eyes. it wasnt quite Carrie's mother, but it was close, damn close. and yeah, the boobs. i got the guy fired. then i quit.

  14. noshit: durrrrrr. NOW i get it. ok. never mind. crap.*staggers off to make coffee*

  15. three times in a row, i'm tagged with the same stuff. i can't get away from talkin about me.

    heck, the blog is about me! as good excuse as any.

    i've been arrested. once. twice.

    three actually but i got away the last time. getting smarter with age.

  16. I was in Ranger Rick, too! Also girl scouts which i thought was such a waste. we did these stupid crafts and went to the circus and shit. we didn't even do anythign to earn badges. so lame, i only lasted about 2 years and trash-talked the den mothers for years afterwards. my brother got to go camping and build fires and play with knives and shit. i was so jealous.

  17. what were the questions?

  18. Let's go camping.

    In the Mississippi wilderness.

    When we get back home, do I get a badge!?

    Now why you'n (yep, you'n....that's country-speak...) tag me!!??


  19. Oooh, excellent. I love the survival thing. I've always wanted to be dumped on a desert island to see if I could survive. I used to make small beds out of grass when I was small to see if they were comfy.

    I can relate to that!

  20. trees: well fine then. talk about someone else. i dunno! am i psychic?
    claire: well howdy, fellow Rangerette! *secret handshake and passwords exchanged*
    frobi: five things about ME. one question, five answers.
    awaiting: hey, i grew up in oregon. thats like mississippi except all the inbreds are wearing Pacific Trails gear. consider yourself tagged!
    molly:i think the choice of island is key. I'll take manhattan!

  21. Anonymous10:06 AM

    ....so the mountain girl thing....is genetic...? Really? Woooah. Also you were a weird little kid, mumum.
    Tell Bubba it was nice to see him yesterday; I missed my daddy a whole lot. I will give you his air tank to take home tomorrow evening, ok? Ok.

    ps: Cap't Bitchtits (Caleb), Dom, Squidge and I are going to Boundary Bay to drink thick beers and eat meat and watch snow, neener neener neener!

    pps: remember to sign out of blogger at mi casa, I almost posted this as you, which would've been weird.

  22. Anonymous3:53 PM

    Was the Porn Movie called "One Man and His Scrotum Pole"?

    kiss kiss

  23. I made a lean too once. Sticks stacked in a certain way and putting leaves on it. I wanted to live like Tarzan once.
    I'd pretend on my front lawn and studied how to survive in the woods.
    I've heard hiking the applacian trail is something i've never done it.I love the woods,but not when its tick season.