grumpy cold little Muk (with spectacular tits) misses you!

Speaking of spectacular tits, THE CHAMP has returned from exile, and we are all proud as a hen done laid a square egg! Now give me some goddamn fight points, Mary.
I am tired of making excuses for not visiting or posting, and you are tired of hearing them.

Too bad; get over it.

It been one motherfuckin thing after another here at the rancho. Storms, power outages, high winds, low temps, blogger beta; yea verily the enchilada in its' entirety. I done been visiting, I swear to youse. But see, I go visiting, and I cannot comment. I switch browsers, and I cannot post. Half of you won't load. I switch back and I can post, but not pictures. Then the fuckin eel lick trisuddy goes tits up and I have to reload all my passwords and cookies and FUCK FUCK FUCKITY FUCK FUCK!

AND POOP!

... in a big mud puddle with some ketchup, and garbage, and some tartar sauce that has mold on it and French's mustard and toilet paper, and a pinecone!!!!!!!

Pam, Eats, Shoots and Leaves and any of the rest of ye who live in the Pungent Sound Region, kids, hunker the fuck down and stay at HOME. Y'all are expecting winds up to 100mph. It is eerily calm and quite still here at present. I don't hear any birds - wait, lemme check something-
nope. A couple of juvenile ravens and crows drifting over, looking around. Nobody on the ground and nobody in the trees, though. The birds, even the winter loving ones, are all roosted up waiting for the weather to pass.

Members of the Corvidae are generally accepted as the most intelligent of the northern bird species. They exhibit amazing and creative problem solving behaviors. They use tools. They adopt creatures from other species as 'pets' or 'friends', establishing mutually beneficial relationships with them. All this, in addition to the problems of flight and the everyday challenges of survival, and all done with a brain no larger than a pecan.
So, come this next storm: How many crows or ravens will there befound stranded up on some logging road for a week in their Yugo sucking on frozen pee to survive?

There are three mountain climbers stranded up on Mt. Hood at present. I feel badly for their families, but as someone who has lived next to the Cascades all her life I have to say that I don't feel a whole lot of pity for the climbers themselves. This happens EVERY. SINGLE. MOTHER BUTT FUNKY YEAR. Right around Christmas or Thanksgiving, sure enough some group of dipshits choose to get themselves lost up on the mountain. Then a whole pile of rescue personnel who really deserve better have to leave their families and homes and go search for their sorry mountain climbing asses and risk their own lives doing it. And this particular group of hikers really should have known better; they were experienced enough to have known better by all accounts. I hope they are found alive, but I also kind of hope frostbite causes them to lose a couple of fingers or a toe as a permanant reminder NOT TO BE FUCKING IDIOTS AND RISK OTHER PEOPLES LIVES.
One of the miniature bikers has this birth defect. Granted, he is a hardy sort, and knows his shit; the man's a qualified Alpine Search and Rescue stud for heavens sake. But this last Thanksgiving sure as shit the dumbass decided, on a whim, to head up to the mountain and go hiking IN A FUCKING BLIZZARD. And put his miniature truck into the ditch halfway there. Did I feel pity?
No.
-because I am a bitch, yeah, ok, but still. The roads were deserted (because the SMART PEOPLE were all home cooking meth or screwing their housepets-it is Central Sound, after all- or watching the Seahawks) So he GOT OUT OF THE TRUCK IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BLIZZARD. All 93 lbs of uninsulated gristle. Yeah. He hiked up the road. He found a rangers station. It was deserted. He tried to break in. He couldn't. So he hiked back to his truck. Several hours later a PSE truck came and hauled him out just as he was turning into a miniature Cajuncicle.
So . Major holiday of joy, perfect for inflicting the upcoming aniversary of your senseless death on your loved ones for the rest of their lives? CHECK
Dangerous recreational outdoor sport? CHECK
Middle of winter? CHECK
Bad weather expected? CHECK
Unfamiliar with the terrain? CHECK
Attempt to 'go for help'? CHECK

STAY.

AT.

HOME.

UPDATE: it is now straight up noon, and THE WINDS ARE BEGINNING.
YIKES.
UPDATED UPDATE: at 2:45 sideways sleet and 40mph sustained winds from the northeast give way to crepescular darkness, torrential downpour, and seagulls. stay tuned.

GAY-FRIENDLY UPDATE: 6:pm sees continuing downpour. No wind, just rain. Worst storm since 94? meh. Ellen Degeneris, Sir Elton John.

TWEAKING UPDATE: 9:30 on the dot. the Gale has begun, and I is out! see y'all later!