Wednesday, January 10, 2007

freakin' snow

My honeysuckle putting forth spring leaves, fooled by the past weeks 60 degree temps (thats springtime warm, brittites.)

With no more weight or resistance than cotton candy, only noticeable because of the cold, snow forms puffs of translucent spiders' lace on buddleia twigs.

Not barbecue weather, but barbecue + weather.

And now for the swearing portion of our show.
This $%^&&*&!! @#$%$ needs to get &*((#$%^^!! I have had my fill up to my $#$^! with this$%^& and I cannot begin to tell you just how incredibly $%$&*@@% sick I am of this #$%^ forsaken mother&*%%$# with a prolapsed**&*%%$ white, fluffy $%^&!!!!!!! I If I had my way, Pauli Shore would get every last flake packed up his @#$$ with Carrot Top as the ramrod!! If I liked this kind of thing I'd be living in Mon $%^&**@ tana! or Buffalo New $$%^#& York! This is like some son of a $%^&&*@ skank jankin' @$$% handcuffed to a car bumper, feet in the air and ten inches of *&%^ sticking out CON GAME!!!!! $%^&*@ on it! Just @#$% and a wad of partially dried tapioca pearls, in a world he never made! This is supposed to be the WEST COAST! Not the #$%@ ARCTIC CIRCLE! This is exactly like @#$% %^&**@, a portobello mushroom and five frozen chocolate bars up there behind a Matchbox Car jammed in sideways $%%^, laying on a tray when Frank Sinatra woke up in the recovery room!
We're on the mother$%^#&&* PACIFIC OCEAN! The same ocean that Hawa $%^&&* aii is floating around in, hel-LO!! But do THEY have snow? THE %$#@ THEY DO; THEY HAVE MOTHER@#$%@& umbrella drinks &*%%%$#!! with a greasy naked guy **&%^&$$ racoons, badgers and eels, wearing a #$%@ lame', cuban heels, and a carnation boutonniere!!!!!! THIS IS AN OUTRAGE! Did I ask for this @#$%???? No I did not!

Plus my dog just barfed on the kitchen floor.

Ya $%&*# hoo.


  1. Would soaking your feet in a bowl of suds help? No, probably not...and it was 75 here today. Woops. Soz.

  2. Arabella, you really know how to salt the wound. I'll defend the hono(u)r of Nations. Prepare for a whiskered attack!

  3. Anonymous9:32 PM

    FN, please don't bottle it up inside. Let it out. Tell us how you really feel.

    Trust me, I feel your pain. It's a skating rink out there right now.

  4. I bow to your swearing abilities.

    Bloody snow.

  5. I bow to your swearing abilities.

    Bloody snow.

  6. Anonymous12:34 AM

    Wow, that's some pretty inventive cussing. Do you give lessons?

  7. Anonymous5:22 AM

    Parcel up all the snow and send it over to me. Edinburgh suits snow, it makes it look pretty.

    Besides which, it's howling a gale so strong the glass ceiling over the main staircase of the block opposite mine has crashed in and it looks as if our kitchen window is about to follow suit. Still looking on the brightside at least they'll have easy access to the roof should they want to escape the flooding.

  8. Hey FN, reign in that (K)ni(gh)te of yours, will you. No jousting till the weekend, please.

  9. ara: chugging a bowl of suds might help. i'll take Black Butte Porter, thank you.
    champ: thank you, your irresistable hirsuteness, but arabella now lives in tejas; thus justice is served. down.
    pam: it all blew away last night in the 55 HR NORTHEAST WINDS. gaaah.
    kellycat: worth saying twice. and thank you. i raised a teenage girl and am married to a biker. i hve had inspiration (and reason) a plenty!
    alala: when inspiration strikes i just stand aside and let the Muse rip.
    hendrix: go right now and crisscross a bunch of whatever tape you have across the glass. just stick it right on. keep the curtains closed. dang! i have to worry about everyone! batten down the fucking hatches!!
    ara: his nature is combative and the chafing doesn't help I'm sure, but he is righteous. get along, now, both of you. (ara, let him sniff your fingers. caaaaaarefully. now offer him some municipal bonds. good!)

  10. Oooh!

    I know who Carrot Top is because I've been to Vegas recently and there are massive posters of him everywhere.


    He hasn't crossed the pond. We are very lucky.

    (I only understand centigrade, but it's dead warm here. Raining a lot too.)

  11. Has anyone investigated whether we have actually been transported to a mirror dimension, wherein the East Coast is West, and vice-versy? 'Cause that's what it's been like, yo.

    FN, will you write my nuptial vows?

  12. Anonymous12:12 PM

    You know I'm actually worried enough do have gone and done it. No curtains in the kitchen though we've got the shutters closed in all the other rooms.

  13. Awww. We've had weird weather in the other direction. Today was the first day in a long time that it was cold enough to feel like winter. And then? This Saturday is supposed to be back to 60 degrees. Freakishly warm.

  14. I went to visit the Champ and although there's a lot of lycra over there, it's very nice.

  15. ... I love snow....


  16. Anonymous3:57 PM

    Meanwhile, up in Medicine Hat, the kiddies (both of them!)are crying because the #@!&%FN Sonomans have all their snow...
    PS We have drought in the coastal Tropics. #$%@!&*
    (Before frost gets those buddleia buds, wipe off the snow and lightly grease the buds.Vaseline will do;it might avert frostbite.)

  17. I wish we had snow insted of this artic cold that makes it impossible no matter how bundled up to enjoy it. It's hard when the cold goes right threw you. It reminds me of the snow queen in the fairytale.
    It's intoresting you could see the art of snow and be tired of it. You've gotten more than where I am.
    I like snow for making snowmen and sleding and maybe a snowball to throw at the garage but when the weather conditions are no good even snow can be a drag if you can't use it.
    It can look pretty but when it's frostbite weather and windy that's annoying.

  18. Anonymous3:07 AM

    Actually, Hawaii does have snow. And skiing. On Mauna Kea on the Big Island. No shit.

    :::ducks and runs:::

  19. Anonymous4:01 AM

    i'm guessing the snow wasn't appreciated?

    we never get snow hear. darn it!

    poor doggie. hope he feels better.

    apparently, you dislike pauli shore and carrot top too. lol.

  20. Off subject - FN and her amazing subliminal advertising: erm, I used "Freaking" in the title of a post yesterday. Consider yourself influential if you don't already.

  21. build a snowman :)

  22. until last night we Centrists (Humanitoba) have been enjoying the spoils of global warming and lurrving it!
    Our West Coasters are getting hammered this winter and the schadenfreude genie is out of the is usually colder than a well digger's butt here so we are totally spoiled...I am not sure if I can survive a 'real' winter???

    Warm up a tub of Olive Oil to soak in and pour yourself a snifter of (insert happy place liquid here)because there is still 3 more months of w.i.n.t.e.r. to go!

  23. Anonymous3:07 PM

    its is freakishly warm in the uk at the mo , but very windy and pissing it down....i have had to wear my kaghool everywhere (what a fashion disaster that is) , I think I may need to buy some wellies.
    Now I want to leave you all with a thought.

    The beast nekkid but for tha kaghool and the wellies.

    Guess you lot wont be getting much sleep :-)

  24. Anonymous9:06 PM

    You can always send some of that white sugary goodness down here. We never get snow.

    I can see myself now, dressed ala Greta Garbo, posing in the freezing cold amidst snow.

    Ahhhh, to dream.

    **Oh yeah, I draped my spot in JoAnn's again!

  25. Aw, I want it to snow on the East Coast - it started to get cold during the week but now it's warmed up (and raining). Though I have been warned that only the first day of snow is fun: and then it's a pain in the arse.

  26. Anonymous3:12 PM

    Mr Beast is right - we have flowering plants like roses which are suppossed to wait till like the spring already out or still out from last year. Today it was warm and sunny .... thats ridiculous really - it was t-shirt time. This time last year we had loads of snow though!

    I like it when girls swear - it makes me hard.

  27. and how did thou nipples fare?