Remember when I asked y'all to help me figure out what to write? well, I aint forgotted. Here's whats left...
1. Art Rant
Nobody voted for this. That's why it's next! Someone suggest a subject. If not, you'll take what I throw at you and like it. So ha ha!
2. Mental Disorders Serve the State!
Unformed half-notions and poorly thought out arguements guaranteed! This one will go a long ways in convincing my daughter once and for all that I wear a tinfoil hat AND underpants.
3. My Lovely Garden...yeah, yeah yeah, same shit different day.
the following are from the suggestions corner......
4. Fluffy Kittens
Y'all are just SICK. There were two votes for this. Be careful what you wish for.
5. Why are Bin Men Lazy Cunts-Eddie Waring:
Now see, I'm sure this is something Eddie just tossed out there with no thought whatsoever, just to have something to contribute so he'd look all cool. Well, Eddie, I'm gonna front you up on this one. Now don't you wish you'd thought things through a little better? You could have chosen something meaningful or interesting but noooooooo, you had to be all flippant. And look where it got you.
6. Dugongs:
Now see? You could have asked for something cool, like dugongs, Eddie. Danator asked for dugongs. But nooooooooooo, Eddie was careless. Eddie was thoughtless. And now there's NO GOING BACK FOR EDDIE.
7. Old Knudson: This one will write itself. Can you dig it? Yes I can. (I know CB can. she's been waiting such a long time for Saturday.)
8. Gypsy moths, shitty ass caterpillars and arm rashes: any connection?
Claire asked for this one. Yes, it plumb eludes me too. Nevertheless, I will put my powerful powers of paranoia to work upon these seemingly unrelated items and laboriously hammer out a connection between them, which will in turn convince my daughter, the Stainless Steel Amazon, to have me involuntarily commited to that special exclusive spa where they administer the Xanax via enema. Yay enemas!
9. Ooo, and guess what? One might think I have exhausted the chancre full o' sepsis that is the Meadows clan, but that is not so!! No, my darlings, they is just like Jello...there's always room for more!
Although if the Meadows really were like Jello it would be that realy icky vanilla Jello that looks like the stuff that comes out of a zit, not nice good Jello that's clear and a pretty color because that's not the type I mean.
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Sometimes I just gape, FN. Just gape. I think I need to go clean up the goo that was my brain before it asploded.
ReplyDeleteOOH OOH Mental Disorders!!
ReplyDeleteDo you remember Karl Childers, that feller what eats them fancy bananers UmHum, who was released out of the 'nervous hospital' in Sling Blade UmHum?
I find the similar thought processes between Karl and Dubya to be downright eerie!
So much for having a BA in History from Yale and a Harvard MBA UmHum.
Ok, I was confused before I read this post and now I'm really confused. I think I need another cup of coffee.
ReplyDeletePlease don't fling monkey poo.
ReplyDeleteFor Art Rant, may I suggest performance art? That would put a new twist on things...
ReplyDeleteBut does the Meadows clan count as performance art?
And oooh, fluffy kittens! A glowing ball of fluffy kittens happens to be my Patronus Charm, BTW.
I think you should write about being in your lovely garden, under attack by gypsy moths, while a fluffy kitty named Art rants about how mental disorders serve the state. That would be awesome!
ReplyDeleteArt Rant? Oh bollox I thought it was ANT Rant - now that sounded interesting.
ReplyDeleteI really think i'm allergic to those shitty-ass caterpillars.
ReplyDeleteI saw Ant Rant, too. I was confused, but now i'm ok.
Combine them all in one killer post ... THE POST TO END ALL POSTS.
ReplyDeleteW2: do not asplode your brain! use brain tape and mashed up potatoes.
ReplyDeletehomoE: Karl had a conscience, though. dub should have been let to fulfil his destiny as a heavy equipment operator.
hendrix: see, i asked for ideas awhile back. and people came up with them and i wroted some of them already but then i had other stuff i wrote but now i don't so i posted this so people would no i didn't forgotted them.
mj: ok. you got a deal. what can i fling?
danator: your new patronus charm is a mahoonohoonawikiwikiapuapu fish. however you spell it. it plays a banjo.
dan: welcome welcome! see, i can tell you just got back from Oregon, too. the effect lingers. i grew up there. crop circles, ectoplasm and bigfoot are only the tip of the oregonian iceberg.
ziggi: i already did yours. take basil fawlty and be happy with him. and his waldorfs. *secretly wiki's 'irritable ant'*
claire: they have some kind of stuff on their caterpillar hairs that can cause an allergic reaction. i had a cousin that would come out in welts if one fell on him. now. WHERE YOU BEEN?
betty: girl, i haven't even had breakfast yet. *brain begns to feel splodey*
Please fling your knickers at us.
ReplyDeleteI've heard you have amazing underpants.
I believe one of your art rants was my intro to the world of First Nations so they do hold a soft spot in my heart. That and the image of some art figure rolling out of a barbeque (that one makes me giggle to this day).
ReplyDeleteOkay, I'll stay tuned.
Art rant please. Even if something I like, I'll enjoy the rant.
ReplyDeleteI knew it! Old Knudson is the creepy guy selling ice cream and leering at the kiddies.
ReplyDeletere: art rant. in honor of the monsoon that recently hit central england, can you do a piece on The Flood?
I am on the edge of my seat in anticipation of what you are going to write next.....hurry!!!
ReplyDeleteFor the art rant, why not some sort of equivalent to the Darwin award, but for artists who have probably put people off viewing artworks? (And please, not the dissection gallery again, I find it bad enought when I tread on a slug by accident and have to deal with an inside-out mess of squidge and gore all over the floor).
ReplyDeleteI think FN has been self-medicating again . . .
ReplyDeletemj: everything i have is amazing. including KNUDSONS HEART. in a jar. on the mantlepiece.
ReplyDeleteg: oh! that was the cage match between Geoffrey Chaucer and Dante Alighieri! the lethal 'Texas Fart Barbecue' move turned the match upside down and the Marty Feldman rule had to be invoked!
billy: muchas smoochas! we shall see.
cb: girl, i done did TWO countem TWO on the damn Flood! one on the actual flood (there were pirates) and one on Noahs wardrobe malfunction.
gale: it's liable to get pretty racy, salty and downright blasphemous around here. you might have noticed that trend already, though.
sopwith: god, that's killer...but i hate giving those guys any form of recognition at all. how would i tapdance around that? (can you tell i already have a well-defined list? seriously, dude...i've had something like that on the back burner for a year now. HMMMMMM.)
frobi: well yeah; every chance i get. haven't you? (have you taken your crops in yet?)
i'll comment sailing three sheets to the wind, but i can't post wasted. wasted turns me normal. not just pretty words either..you have never seen a more average, forgettable middle aged woman than i am when i'm crispy.
That's the one! Didn't Chaucer come tumbling out? WHen was that posted? I'd love to read it again!
ReplyDeleteG: that one ran from 6-26 to 7-24-06.
ReplyDeleteit was one of them intemelectual ones.
I am here to defend the fluffy kitten.
ReplyDeleteBut wringing Raoul Dufy through the mangle and hanging him out to dry would be entertaining too.
I wondered where my heart was. Destroying That is the only way to kill me you know. Oh and being hit by trucks.
ReplyDeleteLeering at kids? my own personal spammer says I'm a pedo, must be true.
I only want Fluffy Kittens if its Ninja Ass Kicking Death Star Fluffy Kittens........ bollocks to normal fluffy kittens . I am strangley drawn to Old Knudson and Mental Disorders , oh ooooh and an art rant.
ReplyDeleteYou could blog on the best dating tips ever - as promised to me some time ago and again more recently. I have been waiting and failing - and I am afraid I blame you....
ReplyDeleteOtherwise I would go with solutions to Foucalts theorem. 5 common demonstrations...
ReplyDeleteWhere are you bitch?
ReplyDeleteWe're waiting for you over at mine for the bitch fight.
I'm glad you took the time to clear up the Meadows jello confusion.
ReplyDeleteI'm guessing that normal jello is what we call jelly and is eaten at kids partys with custard and Meadows jelly is what we call blamanch.