Friday, September 21, 2007

I AM IGNORING FACEBOOK!

Housekeeping post!

As of now:
I AM IGNORING FACEBOOK!

FOREVER!



I would just rather blog and leave it at that.



Thank you for the sheep.

And the ninjas.


Well!
That having been said.........
GO HERE:

http://danator.blogspot.com/2007/09/chemistree-fore-eediots.html

and laugh your ass off like I did!




Oh you totally want to be assless. G'wan.
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And now, BLOGS AND THINGS BLOGGAL....

Hi! We here at Paul would like to make an absurd and ultimately meaningless policy pronouncement. I don't expect anyone to run out and have this tattooed on their ass, but then again I'm not you and I'm not the boss of you either. Stop copying me. Stop it. Moooooooom they won't stop copying me! You're a doofus! No, ok wait-I'm a doofus! Ha!
No, you can't say 'I know you're a doofus ha' if you're copying me! Moooooooooooooooom they won't copy the right way!
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1. Do be advised that this is the 'Me' show.

Me has no problem whatsoever using that little 'trashcan' icon down at the bottom of the comments posts.
Neither does me feel like me needs to give anyone an explanation if me decides me is annoyed and uses that little trashcan icon at the bottom of the comments posts.

Me also uses comment moderation, word verification and address blocking ALL over the place like I just don't care. Which I don't, by the way. I've been doing it all along.

Remember: It's a big Internet.
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2. Trolls suck.
Trolls suck and blow simultaneously.
Trolls are bad and suck one hundred times of suckness of the whole galaxy and Mars and the Earth and infinity.
Here at the 'Me' show, it is always open season on trolls. Have at, dear fellows! Load heavy and fire at will!
And be advised: If I can find your troll-ass e-mail, I will post it, so prepare to explain that NAMBLA membership the next time you apply for a job online.
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3. ACK RESPECKABEL


I struggle to maintain an atmosphere of friendly, understated elegance in my comments lounge. I've spent a lot of time and money selecting a caterer, choosing the furnishings and carefully arranging the objets d'art so that each one is displayed to its best advantage. I've come to think of it as a place where people can relax, exchange ideas, maybe nibble on the hors d'ouevres, have a glass of Cristal, page through the most recent Kirk Johnson photo essays...we keep it sophisticated here at Paul.

We do not have flame wars in the comments lounge.

That kind of thing takes attention away from what is truly important around here, which is ME.
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4. THE WORDS 'JUGGALO' AND 'PHILOSOPY'
WHEN USED TOGETHER IN A SENTENCE
MAKE ME LAUGH SO HARD I OFTEN PISS MYSELF
BUT THEN I KEEP ON LAUGHING ANYWAY
BECAUSE IT'S JUST SUCH AN INCREDIBLY PATHETIC, STUPID,
NO WAIT LET ME CATCH MY BREATH I CAN'T STOP LAUGHING
OH CRAP


The thing that really makes my hemorrhoids flare are pinworms. Debaters! I mean debaters!
I majored, ok? I used to compete, a'aight? I already know it's bullshit.

This is opinion and personal experience here at the 'Me' show. Editorial comment. It's not a goddamn forum.

Really. Please. You aren't going to score points with rhetoric, or by archly pointing out logic flaws, 'Oo! That doesn't follow! Oo! How is that germane? Oo! I think you need to revisit your sources! Oo! I think E. Power Biggs is the unsung God of the Bach fugue!'

It's not my problem that you wasted all that time in college learning an intellectual skill that STILL doesn't make you right.
Neither is it my fault that you don't have the courage to just call the cat a bastard and make a fucking statement of conviction without peeing yourself.

I mean, I don't expect that to stop you; go ahead and try...It'll be hilarious, of course, and people will mock you, and you'll skulk off snuffling with your lip all pouted out and go back home to your parents house, sit in the dark squalid foetor of your basement bedroom in your lil' flannel cowboy pajamas and play your clarinet and cry; 'waa, waa, waa, I'll never be one of the cool kids' with the sound of our vicious laughter ringing in your ears and everything, but for GODS SAKE don't let that stop you! Long sentence, huh. I do that here all the time. I am outta control. I tell you what, people like me shouldn't be allowed to lower the tone of public discourse. Woooooo. I'm crazy.
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ONE FINAL NOTE
oh yes, and:
Do, please, I beg you, DO come here and try to crush all who oppose you by criticizing their grammar and punctuation mistakes, however minor. EVERYONE respects that.

32 comments:

  1. 1.Trolls, hobgoblins and drow elves: I couldn't agree more.

    2. NOW I know how I got on the NAMBLA mailing list. Oh you scamp FN.

    3. You go on wit'cha bad se'f! I may be late to the party, but I've been loving the 'ME' (you?) show for the short time I've been here.

    4. You misspelled 'Moooooooooooooooom'

    5. Have an incredibly wonderful weekend.

    ReplyDelete
  2. *keeping quiet and just eating the food*

    ReplyDelete
  3. I dare you to find grammar and punctuation in my blog for if you do that is a mistake. Now what do you want me to do? I'm sorry my last trolls were really shite not sure about my motivation.

    ReplyDelete
  4. I like to learn a new word every week or two and now thanks to google I learned what a 'JUGGALO' is, I thought it was a guy that shagged weemen for money which reminds me yer bill is in the mail.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Um... did I miss something?

    ReplyDelete
  6. No, a juggalo is a man who shags jugs. The juggalo community divides between the spouties and the hole-in-the-top-but-I-don't-know-what-that's-called-ies. (It's like gayers wearing handkerchiefs in their butt pockets.)

    ReplyDelete
  7. 'shot: oh, number 4. yeah, you like to play close to the precipice, dontcha. :)

    ziggi: oo, help yourself lovey. try the crab. its spiritually equivalent to anal sex, you know!

    knudie: i would never accuse you of either spelling or punctuation. or good hygiene. never fear. and i need to know if you'll accept a debit card.

    danator: no, i just felt feisty. i spent half the day researching celtic water burial and comparing it to the windover site in florida and i needed a break from all the lucid, yo.
    action! adventure! excitement! that's the way i roll!

    tim: ......ok now thats going to mess with me. theres gotta be a name for that, right? a filling upper portal? a materiels ingress point? the introduction-access module?
    thanks. just, thanks.

    ReplyDelete
  8. * also tries the crab *

    Mmmm... You're right.

    ReplyDelete
  9. When you get a sec could I get another pitcher of gin over here? I can't be bothered to get up and all your pretty waiters must have gone to reapply their eyeliner or something.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Kristy12:25 PM

    Clearly, I missed something here. Me, I just like to sit in the corner quietly and sip my beer and say helpful things like, "Get 'em, F.N.! Get 'em! You go! Righteous!"

    That's still okay, isn't it?

    ReplyDelete
  11. you had a facebook and did not friend your daughter?
    wtf is wrong with you.
    did you know martha is going to start a social networking site? sheesh.

    ReplyDelete
  12. inexplicboy: see? toldja.

    violet: try some of the crab while you wait.

    kristy: no, everythings fine. i was just feeling bossy. crab? it's fresh!

    ssa: what; 18 years of you wasn't enough? go see if they have any more crab back in the kitchen; these people are going through it like hyenas.

    ReplyDelete
  13. FN, remember - relax, focus and breathe deeply (and always carry a heavy, blunt instrument).
    Who has been annoying you, chuck? Do you want me to go round and criticise their curtains?

    ReplyDelete
  14. Eh?

    Where can I get me a pair of those flannel cowboy pajamas?

    *flings crabs at IVD (aka inexplicboy)*

    ReplyDelete
  15. see, i always thought this was the you show. after all, without you, there would be no blog.

    now, as far as hating trolls go...are we talking all little people or just the jackasses that insist on portraying themselves as having small penises?

    ReplyDelete
  16. ooooooo a food fight - ha! take that and that and that and don't spill the gin!

    er? does crab stain?

    ReplyDelete
  17. Okaaaaaaay, I'm a wee bit on the mystified side, but what the hell......yup, I'll take some crab if there's any left, however, only if there's Mohitos or Black Russian cocktails also doing the rounds!

    Hope you had a great weekend!

    Oh and the post with the shoes that had the parts of your feet still in them from when you went rock climbing....ouch honey, that made me reach for the Germoline just reading it!

    Brilliant reading as always!
    x

    ReplyDelete
  18. reg: just an excess of hormones, my darling. //why do you keep calling me chuck? *worries about unwanted facial hair*

    mj; from my ex-husband. they're in the top drawer of his dresser hiding his collection of playboy magazines.

    pink: any trolls, no matter what size their dinguses is. are. *flings crab at pink for making her think this early*

    ziggi: lets find out! *stuffs handfull of crab down ziggi's top*

    ppumpkin: no no no! oh my. those weren't feet parts...they were 15 year old dried chunks of rotted seaweed and mud *drops handfull of crab into punkies mojito* there, now its a crab mojito!

    ReplyDelete
  19. I've spent many a relaxing hour in your lounge and fully appreciate the wonderful hospitality and wonderful art but in reality I'm a jealous bitch, eaten up with envy at your dextrous use of grammar and stuff. Oh, and your words. All of them.

    ReplyDelete
  20. hendrix1:30 PM

    I'm not sure if I dare to comment, my grammar sucks, I can't do humour and there are days when I look like a troll.
    I'll have another drink if there's one going though.

    ReplyDelete
  21. I HATE FACEBOOK !!!!!!!

    I DONT UNDERSTAND THE DAMN THING

    SOMEONE FARTS IN THE BLOGSHPERE AND FACEBOOK SENDS ME 5000 EMAILS

    PLEASE MAKE IT STOP!!!!!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  22. It's not facebook - it's fuckbook and it's shit and I'm not going there either - naaaaaaa. And I hated punctuation lessons at school. x

    ReplyDelete
  23. crazyrivergirl: well hey! thank you! (grammer? me? dang.) have ziggi dish you up a handfull of crab there out of her blouse.

    hendrix: oh dont even start with that modest crap. we have crab mojitos, and i think they're doing bodyshots off MJ over there by the Klee. oo, dont'forget to try the crab!

    beast: you know what will cheer you up, beast? crab. *overturns bowl of crab on beasts head* don't you feel better now? *runs*

    rocky: i made it as far as the semicolon and never looked back. speaking of which, we have crab.

    ReplyDelete
  24. hot damn, sugar! i'm playing catchup here...wtf has happened??? no, don't tell me...i'm still flying and kinda gettin used to not knowing anything...as my kid said.."ma ya broke yer foot...ain't nothin the same for a bit, ok?"

    ReplyDelete
  25. woah, what in the hell happened here?

    eh, doesn't really matter i guess.

    I wanna play, though...

    *TROLL*

    ReplyDelete
  26. I've been hanging out at this Me Show of yours waiting for you to tell us to look under our chairs and bam! A free car, just like Oprah. Yeah I know - poor sentence structure there. Dare you to cross that line. Not you, the troll under your bridge.

    Now then, where are the potent potables?

    ReplyDelete
  27. i played the clarinet.

    and the cool kids never liked me.

    that stung, FN.

    ReplyDelete
  28. AND i wore flannel pyjamas. (but who didn't?)

    ReplyDelete
  29. savannah: oh hon, relax. more of the same. have a mo-thingie drink and a canape.

    claire: no trolls...just crab. crab, cocktails, paul klee and anal sex.

    cb: yeah, so did the Stainless Steel Amazon. *snerk* (i was referencing the foul miscreant known as the Phantom Clarinetist, the simp who drove The Champ off the net.) now you see? you were ahead of the curve. 'when i was a child i thought as a child and wore the flannel pyjamas of a child....'

    ReplyDelete
  30. OH SHIT. I forgot about that. I was just adding people from my gmail and I got a little excited.

    Pardon moi. I'm off to write some porn...

    ReplyDelete
  31. I PLAYED THE OBOE DAMNIT
    THE OBOE

    sheesh.

    Also, I concur with Beastie, I don't get how that fucking facebook thing works whatsoever. I mean, I can't even stalk people on there like I can on myspace, so what's the point eh?

    ReplyDelete
  32. here's to friendly understated elegance. Hope you're doing real well. Just lifting my head after a long summer of steady coloring. Glad yer still at it.

    ReplyDelete