weird food

Kind of a 'victory from the jaws of defeat' thing.

As always, the conversion charts are below so you don't have to make a long distance call to the United States and ask George Bush what 375 degrees is in Celsius. Anyway I can just about guarantee he doesn't know.
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I know this sounds bizarre but it's REALLY good. You could call it
PASTA TACHINO FLORENTINE
if it makes you feel better.

1/2 block cream cheese (4 oz)
2-more or less- loose handfuls of spinach leaves, stemmed washed and dried
1/2 lb smoked turkey chopped
2 tbls ranch dressing
2 tbls Sandwich Onions
1/2 cup yogurt
1 plain, untoasted bagel torn up into really small pieces
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Run it all through the cuisinart until it's as mixed as it can possibly get. In mine this means a thick, grainy paste.
Dump over HOT pasta, and toss to combine. Linguine is nice for serving hot (as is running this under the broiler for a couple of seconds to brown the top before you serve it. As a matter of fact this would make a kickass casserole with a little milk added, maybe some pecorino grated on top...? I should try that. )

To serve cold, use something really bumpy like radiatore or shells. Toss with hot noodles, and use a lot more sauce than you think you'll need because the noodles will soak it up-then chill for a few hours.

(low fat version-neuchatel cheese, lowfat yogurt, lowfat ranch and some olive oil splashed in to fill in the blanks.)

{this is a thinner version of a ravioli filling I usually make... with white bread crumbs and smoked ham in place of the bagel and turkey, and grated mozzerella in place of the yogurt.}

oo, these are cool!{{{{{}}}}}}{{{{{{}}}}} it makes a design! {{{}{}{}{}{}}}}{{}{
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UTTER FAILURE APPLE MUFFIN CAKEY THINGS
very very ugly and also really good.

3 + cups white flour- depending on humidity of day, add more during kneading
2 packets yeast
1/3 c up soft margarine-add in with dry ingredients and mix.

1 egg room temp
1 scant cup water, hot from the faucet
1/2 to 2/3 cups sugar
10 cardamom seeds
1/2 tsp gr.cinnamon
1/2 tsp gr. nutmeg

FILLING:
1 1/2 cup applesauce
1/3 cup brown sugar
1/2 cup gingersnap cookie crumbs...blend into a fine paste in cuisinart, then add

1/3 cup coarse chopped almond
Stir to combine.


NOTE: in this recipe, yeast is as much a flavor ingredient as it is leavening. This dough won't rise very much once the filling is stirred in so don't freak out. What you want are stretchy lengths of gluteny dough in ribbons and blooms through the finished muffins.

Dump dry ingredients and margarine into cuisinart, blend. Yes, even the yeast. This isn't 1888; you don't need to proof the damn yeast.

Put the spices into the hot water and whir in a blender or with an immersion mixer for a couple of minutes. Let this steep for awhile,like a half hour or so, until the water is cooled down to room temp. Then pass through a strainer, discarding spice residue. (This keeps any spice bread from becoming too rank to eat over time like some do. Cardamom is bad for doing this; so are cloves.) Drop in egg and mix slightly, just to get it scrambled around.

Turn on the cuisinart and pour the wet ingredients in. When the mixture cleans the bowl, turn off the machine, cover with a towel and ignore for 20 minutes.

Turn out on board and knead, adding in flour when the mixture gets sticky, which will be often. You want it very loosey goosey. After about three or four minutes, set dough aside in a covered bowl in a warm place to rise for 1 hour.


Have a muffin pan ready.

Turn the dough out onto the counter and roll it flat. Spread the filling out all over the top of it. Roll it up on itself and then plunk it back into the rising bowl and mash it around a little by driving a spatula through it. It should start to get goopy and disgusting looking. Good! Don't beat the hell out of it, just goop it about a couple of times. It'll tear, the filling will glick out; that's fine.

Using a large spoon or your hands, fill the muffin cups with big disgusting glops of this mixture.
I have a muffin pan with really big muffin shapes so it all fits, but yours might be different. Don't worry, you can do two batches or use two pans or whatever.

Set aside to rise for 20 minutes; it won't, very much.
Meanwhile, preheat oven to 375.

Heave into the heated oven and cook for 40 minutes-I had to go 40+ because it was raining.
What comes out is horrible looking and it tastes DEEEEEVINE! Crunchy in places, goopy in places, cakey in some, bready in others, and almonds for crunchiness. All the tastes harmonize and it isn't just some homogenous sweet thing. Every bite is a little different.

(So yeah, this is basically a filled coffee bread that failed. Not enough flour in the dough, could of used another egg, and the filling was WAY too wet. Should of used apple butter instead of sauce and less at that, and a few more gingersnaps. Still, I did invent these rockin little muffies!)
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Fahrenheit to Celsius conversion...
http://www.wbuf.noaa.gov/tempfc.htm

and here is a conversion chart for all kinds of shit, including cooking nomenclature. scroll down to choose the conversion category you want:
http://www.convert-me.com/en/convert/cooking