Saturday, January 05, 2008

I am so goddamn loaded it isn't funny, y'all

Let me tell you something about Alice B. Toklas. You remember that post I done did about her 'fudge' recipe?

BITCH KNEW WHAT SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT. MOTHERFUCKING WORD.

I made that recipe. I made it as part of my Christmas Eve buffet. I put a quarter ounce of prime red-haired BC bud into that mess (my Cuisinart is still smiling.) I just ate the last five little hazelnut-sized pieces of it a couple of hours ago AND BITCH IS TOASTED.

Here, for your edification, am the recipe done did FirstNations stylee:
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We're making chocolate AND date candies at the same time here. Fine, just read it first.

1 generous handfull each: shelled pecans, shelled and toasted almonds
1/4 cup each: powdered cinnamon, whole or ground nutmeg (yes, this isn't excessive at all)
1/4 oz good bud, well cleaned and very dry

Heave all of this into a cuisinart and pulverize it all until it won't get any smaller (a coffee grinder would work excellently here too, but in that case do this in small batches.)
Once combined, divide and set aside.

next:
-1 generous handful each: raisins, pitted dates , run through the cuisinart until chopped fine, set aside
-4 (out of a package containing six) cakes of 'Ibarra' brand chocolate octagons...grated or run through the cuisinart until chopped fine, set aside

NOW:
... add half the bud mixture to the dates and the other half of the bud mixture to the chocolate. Toss to combine.

NEXT...
melt 1 c butter
over a low fire. dissolve into this
1 cup sugar
NOTE: do not cook this mixture...simply stir the sugar into the just-melted butter and take off the fire. Cool until mixture can be handled. Dump one half of it into the chocolate mixture and the other into the date mixture.

Turn out onto a cool smooth surface and knead to combine thoroughly. Keep them separate...or mix them together at this point; I don't care, it will taste good either way. I kept the chocolate separate from the date stuff.

once each mass is well combined, roll it into a log, from which lumps may be cut and rolled into balls about the size of a filbert nut. Alice said 'a walnut' but my ganja is a hell of a lot better than what she had to work with so I went with the smaller nut, yo.
I dusted the date mixture with powdered sugar, and the chocolate mixture in powdered baking cocoa. Because sometimes you feel like a date; sometimes you don't.

Try and do your best to let these sit at least overnight so that the flavors blossom. They will firm up but never quite solidify.

fuck im' stones.

15 comments:

  1. Alice's recipe is in a book I mentioned recently, but I don't know the "right" people hereabouts to score some of the ingredients!Daft, really, because everyone and his brother makes rum balls and brandy-laced mincemeat and washes it down with 12 year old malt while dragging on hand-rolled Cubans. Bah! Humbug!

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  2. those were some pungent damn chocolates and fudgy bits! We loved them and recommend them to anyone reading this, very nice mellow stoneyness, not retardo-blazed at all. Good shit, yo.

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  3. Kristy9:32 PM

    I spent at least part of Christmas Eve, as my children dug into their presents, wondering if you made good on your threat to execute this recipe. Good for you! Only wish I could have stopped by for a sample...

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  4. hahahahaha...oops you said it wasn't even funny.

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  5. Beast is frowning at ya
    Harumph
    Say no to chocolate

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  6. I need a picture. Without a picture this is too much work. I'll just open a jar of Nutella instead.

    *smears self with Nutella and has friend lick it off*

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  7. Ah Nations, I love your recipes. And you are on my bucket list. At some point we are going to meet and have some fun. Rocky wants to ride the bike up through the treachous wheat infested northern parts of Idaho and swing left - destination unknown. I will GPS you in. Don't know when but THIS will happen. I am pretty sure you won't put out a restraing order on us - well pretty sure.
    mmmmmm chocolate

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  8. dinah: you know it grows wild there, right? grab a grocery sack and a pair of clippers, pick a direction and start walking. or talk to your nearest cancer patient. they'll know.

    SSA: i was plenty retarded yesterday tell ya what. once that goonybird left i was ALL in those. *throws a lego at SSA*

    kristy: you'da been welcome! that would have been cool. everyone who tried them really liked them. they taste GOOD. not just 'sugar' good or 'they get you stoned' good, but genuinely tasty and special. like a real holiday delicacy. that gets ya stoned.

    marky: no, actually it was pretty sad up in here late yesterday afternoon. it took me TWO HOURS to write that post. the last sentence is simply pathetic. just pathetic.

    mj: picture? go the picture at the head of the last post for a tard, which is what i was about 4pm yesterday. pictures of a how-to?

    gale: that would be cool! a mini blogmeet! sure, hell, stop on by! we're about as far northwest as you can get and still be in the united states (not counting Point Roberts)

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  9. Ladees and Gentleman, the baker is BAKED.

    you should write a cookbook: "Baked baking." it might not sell well, but it would be a fucking BLAST to write!!!

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  10. There are strange mushrooms in the field behind my house... I am tempted, but I need a book to recognise the beggarin' tings as I don't want to kill myself with toxic mushroom tea.

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  11. for recipes that are hot damn good, read any sweet potato queen's recipe book. they're totally hilarious, fattening, and yummy to boot. if i drank, i'd so be tipping back one of those peppermint martinis.

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  12. Just so I don't eat anything like this by mistake, please send me a 1/2 dozen so that I can compare them to the regular sort.

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  13. Not good for us nut allergy sufferers.

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  14. I can't eat that! I'd have heart burn for a week.

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  15. Back in my college days we would just spice up regular chocolate brownies, but yours sound so much better.

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