Silver Vervet Hypnotic With A Thousand Army!

Ok now this crap has got to stop. Who stole my piggy pig?
Ok fine not really my piggy pig; Pinks' piggy pig.


Look at her. Look at what you've done.





Don't play stupid. You know damn well which pig.
Calliou.



No not the ball-headed little slappy freaky kid in the cartoon.

Tell you what, I'm waiting for the episode called "Ball-headed freaky little Caillou sitting in the bathtub playing with a plugged-in toaster" because DAMN that is one annoying child. Or maybe "Caillou vs Baby Elmo Cagematch' Or "Caillou taunts a premenstrual weasel with a stick'. And speaking of annoying childrens' show characters, I'd pay money to watch "Baby Elmo takes a trip through the chipper because Baby Elmo won't quit referring to himself in the third damn person." Any one of you out there with preschool age kids knows exactly what I mean, too.

...you see what happens? look at this. Elmo ate a kid. now come on.

But back to my missing piggy buddy.
I have suspects, of course.

MJ:

....so mean she argues with her own tits.

Based on general predilection and a recent possible sighting. You have to bear in mind though that blaming theft of a farm animal on MJ is like....well, its like blaming the theft of a farm animal on MJ. So, yeah. I guess analogy doesn't even need to come into play does it. Ok, onward then.


Awa:

...guilty as hell. looks hungry, too.

Keeps changing her name. Sure sign of a guilty conscience. Also has proximity and motive (sammiches)

CB:

...resistance is futile, PIG.

Recently 'lost' two pets due to 'illness'. Present pet suspiciously unaccounted for. Complaints to campus security of 'barnyard noises' emanating from her rooms. UPDATE: as of this posting her whereabouts are unknown; South Africa is a possible destination.

Steve Neal:

Hairy fucker turns up missing right around pigskin season every year. Coincidence?

Gale:

...5 foot 2 and sealed for your protection

God only knows what her twisted motivations might be.

InnerVoices:

...please don't hurt me mr. crazy man

Please. This is the kind of person who steals breadsticks from Italian restaurants. A whole pig to someone like him means he can cancel XTube for a month!



Now y'all just sit back and muse upon that for a couple of days. I'm hoping someone has the strength of character to simply come forward and say "I made a mistake. I took Caillou. It was wrong and I'm sorry."

Will I be holding my breath? Depends on who I'm blowi We'll see.