Tuesday, February 12, 2008

Silver Vervet Hypnotic With A Thousand Army!


Ok now this crap has got to stop. Who stole my piggy pig?
Ok fine not really my piggy pig; Pinks' piggy pig.


Look at her. Look at what you've done.





Don't play stupid. You know damn well which pig.
Calliou.



No not the ball-headed little slappy freaky kid in the cartoon.

Tell you what, I'm waiting for the episode called "Ball-headed freaky little Caillou sitting in the bathtub playing with a plugged-in toaster" because DAMN that is one annoying child. Or maybe "Caillou vs Baby Elmo Cagematch' Or "Caillou taunts a premenstrual weasel with a stick'. And speaking of annoying childrens' show characters, I'd pay money to watch "Baby Elmo takes a trip through the chipper because Baby Elmo won't quit referring to himself in the third damn person." Any one of you out there with preschool age kids knows exactly what I mean, too.
...you see what happens? look at this. Elmo ate a kid. now come on.



But back to my missing piggy buddy.
I have suspects, of course.

MJ:
....so mean she argues with her own tits.

Based on general predilection and a recent possible sighting. You have to bear in mind though that blaming theft of a farm animal on MJ is like....well, its like blaming the theft of a farm animal on MJ. So, yeah. I guess analogy doesn't even need to come into play does it. Ok, onward then.


Awa:
...guilty as hell. looks hungry, too.

Keeps changing her name. Sure sign of a guilty conscience. Also has proximity and motive (sammiches)

CB:
...resistance is futile, PIG.


Recently 'lost' two pets due to 'illness'. Present pet suspiciously unaccounted for. Complaints to campus security of 'barnyard noises' emanating from her rooms. UPDATE: as of this posting her whereabouts are unknown; South Africa is a possible destination.

Steve Neal:

Hairy fucker turns up missing right around pigskin season every year. Coincidence?

Gale:
...5 foot 2 and sealed for your protection

God only knows what her twisted motivations might be.

InnerVoices:
...please don't hurt me mr. crazy man

Please. This is the kind of person who steals breadsticks from Italian restaurants. A whole pig to someone like him means he can cancel XTube for a month!



Now y'all just sit back and muse upon that for a couple of days. I'm hoping someone has the strength of character to simply come forward and say "I made a mistake. I took Caillou. It was wrong and I'm sorry."

Will I be holding my breath? Depends on who I'm blowi We'll see.

13 comments:

  1. Coincidentally, I just happen to have your Piggy on my Filthy Friday posting.

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  2. here piggy, piggy, piggy, piggy.... where is that damn ball gag...

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  3. ****shoves bacon sandwich behind sofa***
    ***Belches guiltily***

    Pig you say ???

    Did you know her tits , speak to her , demanding fresh meat......its obviously her

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  4. I meant MJ's tits speak to her , I got all confused , what with all this oinking going on

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  5. I find the term 'Piggy Bank' problematic because it projects a particularily powerful yet imprecise preconception of porcine parsimony!

    I've always considered Pigs to be quite generous: Bacon, Pork Roast & Chops, Ribs, Rinds, Ears, Chitlins, Hocks, and Ham.

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  6. I look hot. I did say my porn name is Vanity, I'm sure I did.

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  7. Chances of finding the piggy are slim to none, I believe.

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  8. "But Mommy I WANT to fuck the pig."

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  9. *wipes away tear*

    i do thank you first nations for attempting to search and locate my pig.

    did i mention i received a ransom note this week?

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  10. I smell pork scratchings on Beast's breath.

    My left tit told me to say that.

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  11. Whats that MJ's right tit ???

    **cups ear**

    My Mommy did it ????

    ***Looks at MJ in shock***

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  12. *slaps Beast's bottom with my right tit*

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  13. I just realized that saying "I didn't touch your pig" makes me feel very, very dirty.

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