Ok now this crap has got to stop. Who stole my piggy pig?
Ok fine not really my piggy pig; Pinks' piggy pig.
Look at her. Look at what you've done.
Don't play stupid. You know damn well which pig.
No not the ball-headed little slappy freaky kid in the cartoon.
Tell you what, I'm waiting for the episode called "Ball-headed freaky little Caillou sitting in the bathtub playing with a plugged-in toaster" because DAMN that is one annoying child. Or maybe "Caillou vs Baby Elmo Cagematch' Or "Caillou taunts a premenstrual weasel with a stick'. And speaking of annoying childrens' show characters, I'd pay money to watch "Baby Elmo takes a trip through the chipper because Baby Elmo won't quit referring to himself in the third damn person." Any one of you out there with preschool age kids knows exactly what I mean, too.
But back to my missing piggy buddy.
I have suspects, of course.
Based on general predilection and a recent possible sighting. You have to bear in mind though that blaming theft of a farm animal on MJ is like....well, its like blaming the theft of a farm animal on MJ. So, yeah. I guess analogy doesn't even need to come into play does it. Ok, onward then.
Keeps changing her name. Sure sign of a guilty conscience. Also has proximity and motive (sammiches)
Recently 'lost' two pets due to 'illness'. Present pet suspiciously unaccounted for. Complaints to campus security of 'barnyard noises' emanating from her rooms. UPDATE: as of this posting her whereabouts are unknown; South Africa is a possible destination.
Hairy fucker turns up missing right around pigskin season every year. Coincidence?
God only knows what her twisted motivations might be.
Please. This is the kind of person who steals breadsticks from Italian restaurants. A whole pig to someone like him means he can cancel XTube for a month!
Now y'all just sit back and muse upon that for a couple of days. I'm hoping someone has the strength of character to simply come forward and say "I made a mistake. I took Caillou. It was wrong and I'm sorry."
Will I be holding my breath?