Tuesday, February 12, 2008

Silver Vervet Hypnotic With A Thousand Army!

Ok now this crap has got to stop. Who stole my piggy pig?
Ok fine not really my piggy pig; Pinks' piggy pig.

Look at her. Look at what you've done.

Don't play stupid. You know damn well which pig.

No not the ball-headed little slappy freaky kid in the cartoon.

Tell you what, I'm waiting for the episode called "Ball-headed freaky little Caillou sitting in the bathtub playing with a plugged-in toaster" because DAMN that is one annoying child. Or maybe "Caillou vs Baby Elmo Cagematch' Or "Caillou taunts a premenstrual weasel with a stick'. And speaking of annoying childrens' show characters, I'd pay money to watch "Baby Elmo takes a trip through the chipper because Baby Elmo won't quit referring to himself in the third damn person." Any one of you out there with preschool age kids knows exactly what I mean, too.
...you see what happens? look at this. Elmo ate a kid. now come on.

But back to my missing piggy buddy.
I have suspects, of course.

....so mean she argues with her own tits.

Based on general predilection and a recent possible sighting. You have to bear in mind though that blaming theft of a farm animal on MJ is like....well, its like blaming the theft of a farm animal on MJ. So, yeah. I guess analogy doesn't even need to come into play does it. Ok, onward then.

...guilty as hell. looks hungry, too.

Keeps changing her name. Sure sign of a guilty conscience. Also has proximity and motive (sammiches)

...resistance is futile, PIG.

Recently 'lost' two pets due to 'illness'. Present pet suspiciously unaccounted for. Complaints to campus security of 'barnyard noises' emanating from her rooms. UPDATE: as of this posting her whereabouts are unknown; South Africa is a possible destination.

Steve Neal:

Hairy fucker turns up missing right around pigskin season every year. Coincidence?

...5 foot 2 and sealed for your protection

God only knows what her twisted motivations might be.

...please don't hurt me mr. crazy man

Please. This is the kind of person who steals breadsticks from Italian restaurants. A whole pig to someone like him means he can cancel XTube for a month!

Now y'all just sit back and muse upon that for a couple of days. I'm hoping someone has the strength of character to simply come forward and say "I made a mistake. I took Caillou. It was wrong and I'm sorry."

Will I be holding my breath? Depends on who I'm blowi We'll see.


  1. Coincidentally, I just happen to have your Piggy on my Filthy Friday posting.

  2. here piggy, piggy, piggy, piggy.... where is that damn ball gag...

  3. ****shoves bacon sandwich behind sofa***
    ***Belches guiltily***

    Pig you say ???

    Did you know her tits , speak to her , demanding fresh meat......its obviously her

  4. I meant MJ's tits speak to her , I got all confused , what with all this oinking going on

  5. I find the term 'Piggy Bank' problematic because it projects a particularily powerful yet imprecise preconception of porcine parsimony!

    I've always considered Pigs to be quite generous: Bacon, Pork Roast & Chops, Ribs, Rinds, Ears, Chitlins, Hocks, and Ham.

  6. I look hot. I did say my porn name is Vanity, I'm sure I did.

  7. Chances of finding the piggy are slim to none, I believe.

  8. "But Mommy I WANT to fuck the pig."

  9. Anonymous1:51 PM

    *wipes away tear*

    i do thank you first nations for attempting to search and locate my pig.

    did i mention i received a ransom note this week?

  10. I smell pork scratchings on Beast's breath.

    My left tit told me to say that.

  11. Whats that MJ's right tit ???

    **cups ear**

    My Mommy did it ????

    ***Looks at MJ in shock***

  12. *slaps Beast's bottom with my right tit*

  13. Anonymous11:18 AM

    I just realized that saying "I didn't touch your pig" makes me feel very, very dirty.