Thursday, July 10, 2008

Lenny and Curtis' Search For Meaning: The Thrilling Conclusion!!!!!




When last we met the Baby Jesus was searching the countryside for Pinks lost pig, Calliou, assisted by a crack team of infant crime fighters!








Mr. Swithers, owner of the haunted amusement part, came under brief suspicion but was ultimately rejected for being 'too sexy'.



Mu Tai Dongs establishment came in for a surprise raid

And though the menu featured pork, it was either fresh or salty...and Caillou was known to be a perfect gentleman at all times.
The search continued on.

Slowly and horribly, like a giant neck-wen the approximate size and shape of an obese toddler, a dark suspicion began to take form.....


CAILLOU HAD BEEN THE VICTIM OF AN ALIEN ABDUCTION!!!!!!!!!!


All the evidence gathered thus far pointed in that direction

...and that direction was someplace off to the right.

Now it remained merely a question of which alien, and for what purpose?


The Vietnamese Cacti-Women of Regulus 3 were known to be performing hybridization experiments involving pigs and lighthouses


The Tall Persons of the Greater Magellanic Cloud were known to abduct and cache small smelly creatures in the hollow trunks of large trees


And the Technologically Retarded Hippies of Saturns' 4th moon occasionally took a farm animal and put it in a basket and then flew around in their interstellar biplanes with it for no good reason that anyone would figure out.


In an effort to locate our purloined porcine pal, the most sophisticated technological listening devices known to man were turned toward the stars!


Suddenly a white streak tore across the heavens in a blinding flash....!


IT WAS CAILLOU! WITH A BLEACH JOB!

YES, Caillou...wayward bacon bit in a sea of stars, sorely missed and dearly beloved, had come back, but only for a brief time. As he hovered overhead he delivered a message of comfort to the friends and family he had left behind on Earths' distant shore.

There comes a time in a young pigs life when the urge to migrate becomes too strong to resist. Calliou had finally given in and answered the call that seemed to sound in his blood like a siren, one of the whoopy types that go oooooOOWWEEEEOOOOOOOooooo and not the nee-ner nee-ner ones or the ones that go WHOOPWHOOPWHOOPWHOOP like that.

Yes, he had returned to his point of origin on the dark side of the moon



...to seek a mate.

To fall in love.


To start a family.

And with that he zoomed off into the heavens again

Leaving us all just a little bit older...sadder...and wiser.

Now wasn't that a nice ending for little Caillou? Yes! Yes, it was!
Because you know and I know all too well

...it could have been A LOT worse.

23 comments:

  1. *cries*

    oh thank heavens you've finally found out what happened to him!!! i shall be ever so grateful. i still say beast and iv had something to do with his disappearance.

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  2. I insist you remove that Elizabethan dog collar from the neck of Old Knudsen!

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  3. And when did Steven Tyler take up Kung Fu fighting?

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  4. I am an innocent man

    Well innocent of pig napping at any rate

    But I am not so sure about Miss MJ and Mr IVD.
    Maybe the band of infant crime fighters could investigate them next ????

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  5. I shall keep my eyes open for Calliou at the "bareback pigs party" tonight!

    *notice correct spelling of tonight*

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  6. What a megacybermediamash extravaganza that was. I'm all tingly from enjoying it.

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  7. the direction may have been to the right but it was not far right FN

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  8. So how do you suppose they process the pig face? Kind of a boil it off or skin it with a sharp knife type of a deal? I wonder if I wrote to "How is it Made" and asked....its a thought

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  9. man i ain't never seen such a small weenie in all of my trampy days. that is just sad. please tell me that is photoshopped that small, mr. furry burly man.

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  10. Man, you are so warped. If you lived closer I would buy you many beers and refuse to leave your house.

    Heart 'cha!

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  11. *sneaks in and looks around for the toilet planter to sit on for a moment.... tummy grumbles and runs off into darkness*

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  12. I feel cheated .....where was lenny and curtis then ???

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  13. I could not improve on this posting in any way, shape or form.

    Except to post a pic of Beast's bare bottom.

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  14. Pink: don't thank me. Thank The Holy Infant of Prague.

    mj: but he gets such good reception with it!//we refuse to discuss that picture. or the evident rash. no.

    beast: I'll have the HIP look into it and get back to you.

    frobi: three sound whacks with a raw pork chop for being a spelling cop!!X!

    qenny: me too! then again, that tingly sensation could be caused by steven tylers rash. *applies cornstarch*

    daisy: it IS highly visible, though, isn't it? turtle wax DOES leave a hard shell finish, i guess.

    gale: I know, that bothers the heck out of me. i figured they boiled it....but then how come the eyes are still...I don't want to think about this any more.

    SSA: nope, its all him. want the link to the gallery?
    i think part of the problem might be poor lighting and perspective, too. still, he aint no Shane Diesel, is he. awfully pale for starters.

    christine: hell, I'm accomodating...send a check and i'll buy my own.

    voices: THERE IS NO TOILET PLANTER NO NO NO NO NO NO TOILET BAD BAD TOILET NO.

    beast: you have failed to catch on to the sophisticated humor stylings of Paul once again. lie down in a darkened room for awhile with a damp rag on your forehead.

    mj: what....the full frontal Beast indicating a location someplace offstage right wasn't good enough? you get steak and you ask for hamburger; damn, no wonder we make you people live in Canada.



    daisy:

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  15. oh no!!!!! first nations has been abducted by the same aliens that abducted my poor pet pig, caillou. they must have found her out. and right in the midst of her comment, too. what a cliff hanger! shall we ever find out what she was going to say to daisy? oooh, the suspense!!!!

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  16. Eeeew the damp rag turned out to be Mj's knickers
    ***shuffles off***

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  17. Do you grow wheat? I make a mean chappati.

    Wait a minute, do you simmer onion, garlic, ginger, oesafateda, and a large spell checkers head.

    It is important that I know.

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  18. Why is the pig riding a blue cock?

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  19. no, that's just a small weenie. but um. the more I think about it, I am not so sure a post with those sort of pictures is really appropriate to contain a picture of one's grandchildren as well? i don't know. i may be hyper-sensitive, but the more i think about it, it's a little odd.

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  20. Pinky maybe the enigmatic ':' was it.
    What does it mean ????

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  21. beast - i don't know. i suggest we consult the all powerful, all-knowing frobisher for the answer.

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  22. pink: no, that was it. just ":". its our SECRET CODE.

    beast: .....she doesn't wear knickers, beast.

    garfy: YES. to everything. particularly the spell checkers head. i'm boiling one now in fact.

    tim: thats a cute lil' rocket ship flying him away to the MOON. damn decadent brits and their filthy minds SHEESH

    SSA: speaking of filthy minds, the human weenis is a beautiful, shiny thing. so to speak. furthermore you have hurt beasts feelings by implying that there is anything BAD about him in his tiny little minute bald headed natural state. apologize to him at once.

    beast: IT WAS A SECRET CODE THAT ONLY COOL PEOPLE CAN KNOW!!!!

    pink: *GASP* not FROBISHER. anything but FROBISHER. please no.
    *looks around frantically*

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  23. I'm not sure how a nice little kosher boy from Bethlehem ever got permission to have a porcine pal but if you say so.

    I have always believed that Pigs can fly and now that you have provided irrefutable evidence I can resume buying lottery tickets.

    This is very strange...
    have you by any chance been smoking stuff from your garden?

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