I am going to visit my son for a few days! YAAAAY! Its vacation time for little muks!
While I am gone dear old FirstNations has a little assignment for you. Lets see if it gets any more participation than the last one did, shall we?
Your mission: DO IT YOURSELF FIRST NATIONS POST!
This idea was blatantly ripped off from the lovely, the charming, the no longer blogging SPINSTERELLA. She asked her readers to concoct a phony blog entry ala Spinny, to wild acclaim.
Of course I expect no acclaim and (damned little participation, but I digress). Still, I think it would be a hoot to see what you demented, talented, glamourous people out there can do with an empty comments form and the memory of my deathless prose stylings burning like a septic wen in your recent memories.
So whip out those unused neural connections, grab a bucket of dork-nano and start eating those oysters, buckaroos and buckarettes! Lets see whatcha got. Write a post as FirstNations! (In the comments lounge, dipweasel)
RELEASE THE HOUNDS!!!!
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I HAS A PRETTY GARDEN!
ReplyDeleteCHECK OUT MY PRETTY FLOWERS!
SUCK ON MY GREEN THUMB BIATCHES!
Blogging for Dummies
ReplyDelete1. get a thought
2. a computer helps
3. can you type?
4. know what the internet is
5. in no particular order.
fn hearts yummy biker
GET IT WHILE IT'S HOT! SIT ON MY TOILET PLANTER, COWBOY! INA MAE GASKIN ENDORSED. MORE PRESCRIPTION DRUGS! GET THE FUCK OFF MY LAWN, REPUBLICAN SCUMBAGS!
ReplyDeleteHere, have a beer.
Peace, out.
SNORF.
i've decided to grow medicinal herbs in my garden and convert my backyard into a sanctuary for birds and spiders.
ReplyDeletemy toilet planter is sad.
My ingrowing toe nail is as resplendent as a naked toilet planter, but sorer..woo yeah!
ReplyDeleteDumbfuck raggedy assed hippy thought he could steal my petunias, but I taught that scumbag not to be messin' with my growths.
Stubbed my toe on the darn toilet toilet planter and cursed like my Ina Mae Gaskin on crystal meth. I'm gonna skin that hippy goodstyle for causin' me pain.
I'm gonna bike me up to Canuck land and whupp MJ's ass.
***Plays with Barbie set under weeping whateverit is***
ReplyDeletePS I may well do better than this but I have to do a FN style post with pictures and stuff on my blog . However I am also on vacation so who knows when
"Purple Ebola Skinny Shark Hooker"
ReplyDeletePeople, I am all kinds of awesome. This morning I harvested the wheat I've been growing so I can finally grind my own flour for bread. That store-bought flour is SHIT. God knows how longs it's been sitting on those shelves, getting infested with earwigs and potato bugs. And I've seen the part-time, after-school kids who stock and wipe those shelves -- trust me, it tain't pretty.
So I finally decided to grow my own -- I'll publish photos in a minute, as soon as I've finished this spliff.*
The key to growing your own wheat is soil pH. I've been treating mine with either acid (acid), or the ground up bones of hippies I've killed (base). And it's purrrr-fect! You should see my crop, bitches. I got more amber waves than Pamela Anderson WITH her extensions in!
The Goonybird likes helping his grandma harvest the wheat. He likes to take the loose grains and stick them in his eyeballs shouting "I am the death duck! I am the death duck!" Ha ha! What a great kid!
This afternoon I'm going to build the mill so I can grind the shit. Stay tuned, yo.
*Did I use that word correctly?
I can't even write a post as myself these days. (although I'm working on it)
ReplyDelete(that wasn't an attempt to write as you btw.)
This is FN speaking excathedra through Retro, who by the way already speaks to her belly button as it apathetically views life through an incessant curtain of various black toppers. Take THAT you massively uninformed political asswipes and and get the FUCK out of my garden...unless you need to weed the toilet planter. Touch anything else and die!
ReplyDeletetitle: shit flys in upward motion when see through the eyes of a bug on your windshield
ReplyDeletewhen given the chance to be myself in public i generally try to quietly embarrass those around me.
like this morning for example. we were out walking our cat on its black leather studded leash and collar. every time someone would pass us by, i'd lift his tail and start talking into the cats ass. asking it questions like...
"when exactly are the aliens going to come and pick us back up?"
"how much wood does a wood chuck chuck?"
"of course im prettier than that bitch walking by right now!"
"how do i turn this microphone off?"
"what time is it in the zircon nebula? oh, it must be about lunch then, i'll have a big mac and fries please. for here."
you know, normal activities that we all engage in. except i do it while only wearing mens tighty whities and carrying a lightning rod.
see how i embarrassed those people?!?
with my lightning rod?
yeah i like doing those things.
i think chaucer's bitch wins by default. that's soooo first nations it's uncanny.
ReplyDeletep.s. you do know she's going to kill us all for mocking her beloved "nonexistent" toilet planter right? i'm going to blame inner voices. i suggest you all do the same.
cb - define spliff and we'll let you know.
ReplyDeletebeast - stop stealing all my barbies!!
oh, man, the cows are...oh wait a minute, it's cute little bunnies...who um have rather point teeth...g'night
ReplyDeleteI am going away for a while... make up your own post you useless buggers..
ReplyDeleteTry to not think about polar bears: This is especially hard, because by trying too much, you remember what you were trying to avoid thinking of. If you try too little, you end up thinking about polar bears anyway.
ReplyDeleteHope you are having mucho fun-o! I want a plate fer when you get back. You knows I'm always hungry.
ReplyDeletei have been sick all week with allergies from the damn flowers and plants FN planted all over the place...and i can't think straight...yes, that is my excuse and i am sticking to it!
ReplyDeleteI can cook
ReplyDeleteI can grow things
I can write rude words
I can go away and leave you all to amuse yourselves
I can realise when I come back that this was one big mistake
um... mj said i was to come over here and play... her sandbox is apparently being cleaned at the moment and doesnt have any room for me...
ReplyDelete*notices nations is still vacationing, wonders why the toilet in her house doesnt have any plants in it. installs cactus in bathroom toilet so it looks more like the ones outside on the lawn*
*with no one to play with our hero runs around naked on the front lawn after eating some of nations greens he found in her dresser drawer*
ReplyDeleteOK...I realise I'm 'way beyond the pale when it comes to emulation of FN, so I'll wear the judging hat,OK?
ReplyDeleteSo far, it's Chaucer's Bitch to beat. Follwed by MJ and Inner Voices. And I'm giving somewhat longer odds on the Wiltshire Witch, just for her footnote, which may be prophetic.
(Did CB really write that, or did you email her some copy?)
Yes, I wrote that. FN and I are actually twins separated at birth. The telepathic link has never been severed.
ReplyDeleteIs there a bottle opener anywhere? I have found a few cases of beer under the stairs... also can someone put on some music I fancy a dance...?
ReplyDelete*turns on the music for a dance with mutley*...sorry dear it has to be a slow one i hurt my shoulder today and can't get funky
ReplyDeletewell, bloody damn hell in a freakin' toilet planter with biker shit all over it and hippie booby traps... i missed out on gettin' to slap an Fn-prose mimic on here-a 'cause i couldn't get my plugged-up, snot-laden nose to let go of it's affinity for pollen, mold, dander and all manner of immune system fodder to turn loose of me afore yon FN went and chose a favo-RITE. damn the agri-lib-pennin'-porno Wo-man! just poop, i say.
ReplyDelete**snork** **hark** ***schlumpf**