Oh for heavens' sake I have been Christmas shopping and cooking things and babysitting grandbabies already. I have also been procrastinating on my super secret Canada post because cows have been looking at me funny. Seriously. I drive by and they all look at me funny. Like they know something. Something bad. Something serious. Something involving my social security number and address kinda stuff. I have duct taped all my windows and am only leaving the house to purchase sugar, coffee and flour. I am making candles out of lard and re-using bacon fat in oil lamps I made out of old soup cans and tampons (unused. I am not gross.) All my breakers are in the 'off' position and I am busily wadding up old newspapers and stuffing them down between the wall studs which is difficult while wearing a gas mask but I am coping. The cows are near, after all, and time is fleeting.
the cxows.
the COW2SSSSSSSSSSS.
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stop inhaling the cigar smoke, sugar! xoxoxo
ReplyDeleteI understand that TSA is recruiting cows, so don't let them grope you!
ReplyDeletedon't look 'em in the eye. They steal souls!
ReplyDeleteDid you steal their Bag Balm?
ReplyDeleteDon't forget to line your hat with aluminum foil. Just don't try to make fake braces with that stuff...it could make you crazy.
ReplyDeleteHere is the deal with cows, all you have to do is SING. TO. THEM.
ReplyDeleteTry some broadway tunes or at least "The Letter Edged In Black".
'Kay?
kill them and eat them. they're tasty and that will show them. Then you can skin their faces and hang them up like I do. Their faces make lovely poppets.
ReplyDeleteI take a glove puppet with me and very obviously whisper to the puppet while looking at the cows and then how we laugh in a conspirital way.
ReplyDeleteThat gets em!
The glove puppet doesnt really laugh ,as he doesnt find me at all amusing
Did you steal the hydrocodone the ER gave me?! Jesus H get some sleep woman.
ReplyDeleteSip a bit of Laudanum and that cough syrup ... cows ar nice animals, a bit curious sometimes, but genuinely friendly. And they smell good.
ReplyDeleteYou remember that TV show Twin Peaks? You need to live there.
ReplyDeletewrite "this old house."
ReplyDeletemaybe they'll come & install a storm door.
It's the four stomachs. Makes cows shifty.
ReplyDeletePearl