Tuesday, June 11, 2013

WHY I LIVE HERE: PART OCHO...Super-Duper Mart!

This is the sign in front of our local quick-stop/beer cave/truck park, the Super-Duper Mart.  It made me feel loved the first time I saw it, lack of dangly bits notwithstanding.  Now it just makes me feel worried for some reason.  Although the part about the clean restrooms is reassuring; back when we first moved here  the Super Duper had a giant rat trap in the corner behind the ladies' john.  It did keep you mindful, come to that.



 Now I will be the first to admit I have no idea what this means.  Ever since this appeared in front of the Super-Duper Mart I look up in bemusement from time to time and wonder if I am currently experiencing a state of 'moooo'. I could be right now.  I have no idea.  For all I know "Have a 'moooo' of a time"  could be a zen koan. It could be a lot of things, in fact.



One thing is certain:  what it should be, by rights, is facing north, toward the border crossing.  

It is  not.

Still, can your town boast a gigantic inflatable blind cow?  No, it can't.



Once inside the mighty Super Duper Mart you have a variety of  options.  You can choose to be startled and yell 'GAAH!', just as I have on a number of occasions upon seeing this goddamn thing...



Or you can buy stuff


Or you can play this:

which, despite the promise of cheese, contains:


If gambling for butter doesn't make your heart race then I just give up, people.   It used to have cheese and various sausages inside as well but I think it started attracting mafioso-types so they cut back the high-stakes factor.
  
I keep trying to tell you this is an awesome little town.  If you still refuse to believe me, then maybe you'll believe this, bunkie:
SO THERE.




15 comments:

  1. ????? I thought I'd seen some odd things in NY, but I've yet to see a blow-up cow.Maybe it's a sex toy?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. If you have blow-up genetalia, perhaps. This blow-up cow is just down the road from a statue of a giant chicken, and if I'd been consulted I'd have chosen a giant chicken as our town greeter too, but nobody did. *snif*

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  2. I wouldn't mind scoring some of that red label Tillamook Butter. You know, the good stuff.

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    Replies
    1. You gotta be careful the first time with the red butter. It isn't for the novice butter user.

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  3. That's one hell of a town Nations!
    And that's only the Super Duper Mart....

    Can't wait to see the other "Fatal Attractions" of SUMAS!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. They are ALL fatal. And charming. And rurally idyllic.

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  4. Canadian dollar at par?

    *fires up MistressMobile and heads to Sumas*

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. ....so I waited up for you until 2:am and no show, beeyotch. Whaz the dealio? *folds up tarps, returns cement leveller to rental place*

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  5. The sign must be right.

    Your town is AWESOME.

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    Replies
    1. IT IS ONE MILLION TIMES OF AWESOMENESS IN THE WHOLE INFINITY UNIVERSE.

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  6. Do you have a spare room? Or maybe a bit of ground I can crash on.

    I so need to go shopping with you!
    xxx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes, you do. You are welcome to sleep out in the driveway in our hippie van with all the hippie stickers all over it. And if you survive the shame, we can go hit the mall!

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  7. "Hot food inside" -? So they care to stuff the roadkill in the microwave?
    Welldone!
    I'm in the beer cave then ...

    We have an inflated St. Nick in December, he advertises Christmas trees and mulch'n stuff. But he wears no sunglasses.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. St. Nick needs to be made aware of the realities of ozone depletion. Fucker'll go blind. (xxoo!)

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  8. Oh my.

    The UK was starting to really piss me off. That was a very timely reminder of why I'm not going back. Thank you!

    ReplyDelete