Wednesday, May 29, 2013


I have decided to return.  I might as well.  I have things I want to write about.  At the moment the chief topic of keen interest has been what a total mindfuck losing a lot of weight is.

BTW, low carb, small portions.  That's all I did.


I had to learn a whole new bodyspace.  Never Nijinsky, for awhile there I was a real hazard to navigation.  Went through an entire set of glasses and coffee cups, several large glass jars with and without contents,  inadvertantly cracked off pieces of the interior trim of my car, tripped going up stairs because I was able to actually, you know, go up stairs again; it was JOLLY.

 I trip over my own feet still, because my feet are a. no longer held so far apart by my chub rub, b. smaller by half a size, and c. now able to face straight ahead instead of out to the side like a duck so I could sling the heft with each step. The Kremlin has receded and I no longer have to look waaaay over to see things down in Volgograd which threw my neck totally out of whack...that, and the fact that I lost the turtleneck sweater of flub around my upper chest, face and neck that was helping prop everything up.  I jiggle a lot more, just in general.  It is not a good jiggle either. It is a 'crap I hope my skin stretches back into shape eventually' jiggle.  

Yes, I know I'm making myself sound like one of those Dorito-breath Jabba the Hut hoarder broads.  It's not that I was horrendously obese, it's that it all dropped off so fast that when I remember how it felt to be me a year ago I remember MASS.  And then there I am in that last paragraph making myself sound like a dead cat melting off a hot engine block.  I am neither.  I am a pretty normal looking woman for my age, in fact, aside from the ear plugs, tattoos and dark purple Ellen DeGeneris hair. 

The other half of the total mindfuck part of it is that I genuinely did absolutely nothing to lose all this weight.  It really didn't take any effort on my part, and people really want to hear that you were brave and went to meetings and cried and ate grapefruit and shit like that, and everything else sounds like bragging.  Particularly 'nothing'.  People really want to talk about it, too. I can't get by with a smile and a 'Thank you'.  People want to hear a secret tip or a horror story. Something.  This shit is supposed to be hard.  But it wasn't.

Now did you ever wonder if all that hype about how hard it is to lose weight might be more hype than you've been lead to believe?  That it just might not be quite such an ordeal for normal average everyday people? That maybe it's hard because you've been conditioned to believe so by a constant line of paid-for bullshit designed to sell diet products over the years?  Because this simply was not hard.  Annoying, yes. Sometimes.  Not hard.  And we all know that I'm not Ubermensch-ette (like Smurfette only with butt hair) particularly when regarded by my relative mental health.  I just....sort of...did this thing and now here I am in a 36c wearing skinny jeans that I have to cinch up like a noose so my shortcomings don't hang out.  It's not convenient.  It's been expensive.  I had to go to physical therapy to learn how to move all over again. I don't look 18 either, I look what I am, which is 53 - and showing the miles.  But there ya go.

Now I know that it's occurred to anyone reading this to think 'Oh cry me a river, skinny bitch' and so forth.  Now, isn't that strange?  I don't look any better, just different. I'm only slightly healthier than I was a number of pounds ago, but what people are going to focus on is 'well, you're just using this as an excuse to brag'. And seriously, I'm not bragging. I'm just saying this is not what you OR I expected things to be like, kids.  I never realized there were going to be problems.  I was in serious pain, pinched nerves, you name it, and it put me in 10 months of physical therapy to re-learn how to do what most 2-year-old kids know how to do.  I lost the sense of my own mass in space and I have the bruises to prove it.  My goddamn FEET lost weight and now none of my shoes fits correctly and the ones I have are all worn weird because I walk differently now.  This is just a view from the other side of  the weight-loss subject that you never hear told about.  And it isn't all peaches and cream either.

But will I go back to being 235 lbs.?   Oh FUCK no Paco!


  1. Well, look who's back! And serving her usual slammer, straight down the line.
    I'm happy for you, FN. Some bitches might want photographic evidence...

  2. Wow.

    Check you awesome lady!

    I think you're probably right. Once you've set your mind to something, it probably isn't hard work and isn't a major nightmare, just something you gotta do. I felt that way when I stopped smoking last December. All the angst and horrors happened in the run up.

    And yes, some bitches are demanding pix.

    Come on. Let's be seein' ya!

  3. Congrats FN 2.0!

  4. Ɯbermenschette - well saied.
    Now I won't recognize you when I stumble through Sumas. Or I have to look for the skinny bitch lying nose down in the mainstreet ...

    "I'm only slightly healthier" - in the long run it is better, seriously. It's good to hear from you!

  5. well, sugarpie, i've been reading you on that other social media site, but i'm goddamn glad y'all are posting again! and well done you for getting healthy! xoxoxoxo

  6. You didn't break the Star Trek shotglass, did you?

  7. *strolls in and wanders round*
    Hey, Ms Nations!.... You home?
    *Glimpses movement from corner of room*
    Nice hat darling... For a minute their I thought you had a new lamp stand...

    Well done on the shape shifting...
    Losing the weight aint hard... it's the sifting through all the bullshit on how to do it the "best way" Once you make the decision to do it for yourself it's easy but adjusting to the new body takes a little time...

  8. Nice to have you back. Writing that is.

  9. Way to go!
    I'm a XXL myself, although I've spent most of my adult life passing as a M that climbs to L, then I do something about it. But after moving to Appalachia to run a diner, I've blimped up to the point of discomfort.

    Now at fifty, I wouldn't mind being a very large old queen covered in miles of fabric, insinuating my l massive highness anywhere & everywhere till I dropped dead prematurely ... I most likely would enjoy it but for the discomfort.

    Your posting was good medicine.
    For me!

  10. I LOVE YOU ALL RECKLESSLY AND HEEDLESSLY!! Damn...I didn't think anyone was out there still watching this spot. I just had to write something and, like, whoaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa......

    Dinah: NO PHOTOS I'm in the witness protection program SHHHHHHHH IT IS A SECRET SHHHH *makes hushing gestures while sloshing cocktail out of glass*

    Rosie: See above *braaaaap* OK then. Yeah, when it's time, it's time. But I had a hell of a difficult trudge giving up smoking *hides cigarettes* um, yeah. 'K.

    LX: Well thank you. I've always wondered - is 'LX' for 'Louisiana Airport'? or what?

    MAGO: It is good to hear from you again too, my fine Franconian figment (face it, you're invisible.) I haven't been facedown in Sumas in months now. When it gets that drastic I just step outside, lean against a building and pee down one leg.

    SAVANNAH: Thank you for saying that, even though you took the Lord's name in vain, pottymouth.

    MJ: Yes I broke the Star Trek shotglass! Months ago in fact! And I am still GUTTED I TELL YOU!

    PRINNY: YOu have a good point. I did a lot of diets over the years and finally said 'fuck it.' But once it came down to The Biker's health, it all got real clear. You think I look like a lampstand, you ought to see my bad man!

    VICUS: *sits back and thinks that comment through for a long time*

    WALLY ME OLD SIMIAN: Damn though you have the coolest dream job ever, don't you! And you have to taste. But I guess you could just hock it into a bucket like them wine tasters in France does.

  11. Where the hell are you NOW?

    You had better not be behind the shed scarfing Cheetos.

  12. Yay! You're back!
    Yay! Good for you.

    (Oh, yeah; I'm back, too. I was Chaucer's Bitch in a former life.)