Monday, November 27, 2006

quaint blizzards from my charming rural ice prison

This is the view out my front window this morning...

That white fog you see in the distance? That's freeze dried Canada coming at us in 40-50 mph gusts. Come the thaw it will all reconstitute and I'll be living in Saskatchewan. I have no problem with that. Oh hell yes. If I become a Canadian by default? Hello, no Bush? NHC? Fuck YEAH I'll fly the maple leaf. *warms up pipes* 'Ooooo, Ca, Na Daaaaaaa, some something are so something...'

This is why, in a northern clime, with prevailing northeast winds all winter, you do NOT want to build your home with the front door facing...what directions, kids? NORTHEAST. Brand new fucking houses, too. Every one of them up to the doorknobs in packed snow.
Btw, do you like our festive Christmas lites?
Nothing says 'Holiday Spirit' like a string of bloodshot eyeballs.

As the wind went crackin down between my house and the flowerbeds it carved the snow all the way down to the grass in my front yard. The sidewalk is gone, and beyond that the road is under 2 inches of polished milk ice. That stripe you see in the next field that looks like a road? Not a road. A wind carved bare patch that leads up to the base of a utility pole one block north. Through a blur of blowing ice, this can be really deceptive looking at night. Many drivers end up in the ditch taking too sharp a turn at the corner, thinking they're aiming for bare pavement.

Unfortunately nothing brings out the 4-wheeler dipshits like a blizzard around here. Because having 4 wheel drive means you can drive around the county like a bat out of hell with it's ass on fire, righteo? Having 4-wheel drive means you are INVINCEABLE. Despite which a lot of morons get vinced anyway.

We are fine. BORED OUT OF OUR FUCKING MINDS, but fine.
Stay home, my darlings.


  1. Effing Ada - there is a giant white pie crust trying to get in your window!
    Hot toddy time.

  2. Anonymous11:10 AM

    Stay warm! We finally got some of the snow, but nothing like Whatcom county.

    We're expecting a bit more later.

    And I have a four wheel drive, but I'm inside. That makes me smart, right?

  3. ara: and it's a canadian pie crust at that. woops, there goes mj and elle. aaaaaand here comes kyah....byebye!
    pam: yes, you are smart. very very very smart. you and arabella get busy making the hot toddies and i'll load up the fireplace. cooping at the whiteout rancho tonight!
    stay warm, 'k?

  4. ooh brrrr...does look lovely though.snow always makes me sentimental. love the pics, and you do make me larf!! its a different world here, but we do have the same 4WD tossers, except here they take their kids to scholl in them and then go for a flat white and an organic pastry. isnt that what 4WDs were built for? my word verification is 'fnimjipu'..sounds like a norwegian sneeze

  5. Anonymous2:14 PM

    gorgeous pics! you're making me homesick.

  6. Blimey - and to think you were harvesting the last of the tomatoes not that long ago! Look after those lungs won't you your Firstness? x

  7. Anonymous3:43 PM

    Yo Mr First Nations

    It looks great out there - and you have wonderful photos. Liked the eyeballs, and I agree about 4 wheelers. No snow here yet - if t does snow - and it did last year - I'll post a photo!

  8. pod; its easy to make blue, white and white look good. folks around here actually do need 4wheelers to get around, but their teenage sons have trouble distinguishing between them and 1/4 mile fuelies, seems like.
    cb: you can have it! all of it! take it!
    rocky; no kidding, eh? you can't even see the raised beds where i had them now...under 3 ft drifts. thanksXOO
    muttleydog: christmas brings out the optician in me, what can i say. sentimental fool i am.

  9. What a wonderful idea, the notion that the wind can blow geographical borders out of shape.

    (Although, knowing my luck, I'd wake up in Burma.)

  10. Scary could be ending up where I am very soon.

  11. Hehe. Shall I tell you what I can see out of my window?
    Clear blue sky stretching waaaay off. A lovely mid-evening sun, warm enough to sit outside at 19.12... People are running about in tee shirt and shorts and flip flops in the park below me. I myself am wearing a t-shirt, unusual for me. Not even a scarf! Tomorrow there will be warm winds and more sun...
    Yep. And then the rain will pound the shit out of us, there will be hail and people on the plains will be flooded out. C'est la vie.
    On the other hand, I'm gonna go sun bathe with maths revision in hand...

  12. Those blasted canadians , the phantom clarenetist is behind this , mark my words.
    I want some snow....I WANT SOME SNOW
    ****has tantrum*****

  13. It's unseasonally warm in Blighty at the moment, although we've had a fair bit of rain - the local weather forcast has predicted MINI TORNADOES! WTF in England? Apparently someone had their greenhouse flattened and a roof was ripped off a mobile home (lol)

    I have a mental picture of the pair of you wrapped up in front of a roaring fire toasting marshmellows and drinking eggnog. How seasonal.

  14. As a transplanted Easterner, I'm lovin' this! But all my friends in unseasonably balmy Toronto are calling and taunting me.

  15. Tim: if this keeps up it could become a reality. it is really howling here. put on your sandals, go out onto the city walls and have a warm gin for me, ok?
    megan: and you are welcome to it! stay warm!
    noshit: you know what you can do with those maths revisions, dont you?????? *weeping icecubes*
    beast: just wait. our snow is going to circumnavigate the globe and come at you from over the channel next week. and i mean the exact same snow, beast; it's frozen that hard. of course it'll be kinda grey by then. probably smell like garlic too.
    frobi: we've had the mini tornadoes too! took half a barn roof off down the road and flattened some apple trees. wtf?
    count your blessings, ratly bud. stay dry.

  16. mj: slid in under the wire! i keep trying to give this shit away to all you people who seem to like it so much but so far nobody seems to want it.

  17. Gosh! So pretty! I guess living here, where it was so warm you could wear shorts and a tank top, it is pretty...but there...its torture. I hate being cold. Rather burn up than be a modern day member of the Donner Party.

  18. strange, but i miss snow.

  19. I hate 4 wheelers too.Where I used to live there was a lake. These neighbors had a loud thing for every season of the year Jetskis for summer,snowmobiles for winter, and 4 wheelers for inbetween.
    I never understood why some city folks came to get away from the noise and insted bring it with them.
    The noise of those 4 wheelers is torture!