Halloween is coming up, but I'm out of ghost stories! (I only had two, and one's on the Shadowlands site. I think it's called 'The House on the Bluff' but its been awhile.)
I only have one supernatural story left, and it's called : The Night I Took Part In An Honest To Snot EXORCISM.
I've also got left:
Why Bin Men Are All Lazy Cunts
Dugongs
Fluffy Kittens (although this was addressed in part in the 'hate blog' post)
More Stories About the Meadows Family
Mental Illness Serves the State
Ina Mae Gaskin
...from the request list.
What do you want to hear next?????
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Ohhhh..I can't wait for the exorcism story! When I was a kid, I once got a beat down for trying to communicate with the dead.
ReplyDeleteEver since Linda Blare, I'm a sucker for a good exorcism.
ReplyDeleteNah, dugongs for me. So beautifully ugly and misshapen.
ReplyDeleteI wanna hear the exorcism story (jumps up and down, clapping hands excitedly in fashion of 2 yr old and gives what i hope are the big puppy eyes stare).....pleeeeeeease?!
ReplyDeleteAlthough the story involving bin men sounds good also......
Damnit now I can't make up my mind!!!!!
xxxxxxx
EXORCISM HURRAH!!!....
ReplyDelete****BEAST SPITS PEA SOUP*****
****BEAST YELLS "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL"****
*** BEAST SPITS MORE PEA SOUP****
****BLARRRRRRRRRGGGGGGHH******
You can see how those long winter evenings just fly by Chez Beastie
Tomorrow Evening Myself and Frobisher will be re enacting 'Whatever Happened to Baby Jane' , only I am not allowed to run Frobisher over this time - Its a new European law so Frobi informs me
Why Bin Men Are All Lazy Cunts - sounds interesting.
ReplyDeleteBeast - why do you always have to be Joan Crawford?
Surly Frobi' should play the part of the rat.
ReplyDeletedugongs!
ReplyDeletemy mum loved dugongs. she said one stared at her once and told her with its eyes that it was really sad about what has happened to the world.
hope yall swell
x
I wanna hear em all.
ReplyDeleteBut fluffy kitties, expound upon those please.
My first choice is "bin men" but I want the exorcism tale just so I can watch Beast's head spin around 360 degrees.
ReplyDeleteDugong. Not sure what it is, but sounds good :)
ReplyDeletei'll take "Fluffy Kittens" for a thousand please, Alex.
ReplyDeleteI vote for Ina Mae Gaskin. Reading Spiritual Midwifery made me a happy birther.
ReplyDeleteI also vote for the exorcism story. I loves me a good exorcism.
i don't know what a dugong is, so i'd like for you to learn me something, please.
ReplyDeleteGhosts! Ghosts! Ghosts!
ReplyDelete(That's my vote)
i'll go for the exorcism story or ina mae gaskin, just for fluffy's sake.
ReplyDeleteduuuuuugongs duuuuuuuugongs
ReplyDeletethey's the cows of the sea
duuuuuuuugongs duuuuuuugongs
also known as the man a tee
it doesn't have wings
coz that would be silly
they don't live in trees
coz that would also be silly
http://www.weebls-stuff.com/toons/dugong/
or dugongs AND Ina.
ReplyDeleteI bet she likes dugongs.
FN, Would you please e-mail me? I found your story at The Shadowlands. I'd like to use it as a guest post on my site as I am celebrating Halloween all month. Would that be okay with you???
ReplyDeletedangerpanda@hotmail.com
Thanks!
www.dangerpanda.com
If you want a really scary story, how about the tale about the brain-dead, drunken, ultra right-wing, illiterate daddy's boy who takes over daddy's business and is then worked, glove puppet-wise, by a bunch of war-mongering, fundamentalist Christian fanatics so that he sanctions the invasion of countries all over the world and ultimately has the power of life or death over all of us because he has his finger on "the button". A bit far fetched, I know, but still scary.
ReplyDeleteawaiting: when i was a kid, my mom showed me how to communicate with the dead. tradeja.
ReplyDeleteg: that was one of two movies i've walked out on in my life. the other was American Gigolo.
tim: and it's fun to say, too. duGONGduGONG, doooooooogong gong gong...
pumpkin: the bin men thing was a long ago request from someone i'm trying to flush out....shhhhh, he's a shy and elusive creature....
beast: i knew that. somehow, in my heart of hearts, i already knew that.
frobi: because you look better in ringlets. XXX!
tick: i see you in sunset boulevard. it's time for your closeup, dahling.
podly: i wish i had dugongs. and manatees. they are fat and snubby and they burp. this describes everything i love.
joe: i'm beginning to worry about you, joe. when i say the word 'yiff' whats the first thing that comes to mind? NO WAIT I DON'T WANNA KNOW
mj: these things shall come to pass, little single malt.
hoosier: they are like an aquatic cow with a paddle on one end.
cb: for a thousand, cb...This feline female was a prominent deity in ancient egypt! answer in the form of a question, please...
21mom: GOOD FOR YOU! rock on!
claire: they are like an opie, if opies were estuarian and had no hair.
kristy: ok! ok!ok!
pink: you know you want to hear about the Meadows family. don't repress it.
SSA: THERE IS A DUGONG SONG?????? about time, i say. i think they should be the representative mascot for a political party, like the wildebeest and the warthog are in the UK. VOTE DUGONG.
kristy: done and done.
reg: you see why americans are so reluctant to give up their guns, reg? are you beginning to understand now?? we gotta live with that shit every damn day, reg! it's like a fricken nightmare, reg! SOMEBODY HELP US!!!!!!!!!!
I vote for all of the above, because it looks like I'm going to be shut up in the house for a while, and could use some things to read.
ReplyDeleteEspecially if they involve dugong exorcisms.
How did you train a Dugong to be a garbage man?
ReplyDeletedugongs please.....
ReplyDeleteOh they all sound so good! I just can't decide.
ReplyDeleteWho is Bast?
ReplyDelete(I hope that was a daily double!)
I vote exorcism too. What you call dugongs we call manatees and they are just so cute and overweight and slow and shit. Yeah, exorcism.
ReplyDelete