Wednesday, January 30, 2008

the sordid truth: MJ EXPOSED

We are human, and humanity is imperfect at the best of times.
Sometimes, we fall from grace.
Still, there are those who, in falling, seek to turn away the justifiable scorn of their fellow beings with lies, falsehood and deception. They veil the harsh light of TRUTH in such a way that the shadows of pity instead fall around them.

These persons would snatch the brie from a beggars teeth, would dash the very cheddar of lovingkindness from the lips of a starveling child. Their shameless subterfuge is a veritable Cleveland Steamer dropt upon the face of every good and kind impulse.


Such a person is MJ.


Oh yes....she seemed chastened. She appeared amongst us head bowed, wearing the sackcloth of humility.
This was a LIE.



Rehab? Nay!
MJ was reporting to her superiors at THE SECRET SCOTTISH RITE OF FREE AND ACCEPTED NAUGHTY LADIES!!!!!
IMPROVED ORDER OF HEPTOSOPHS AND ZUZIMITES, VEILED ILLINOIS GRAND PHARMACISTS MILITANT.








"Approach sister and give the sign!" is the greeting our initiate hears upon approaching the entrance of the secret lodge hidden deep in the malodorous Chiliwackian fenlands.

Yes Canada has fenland.


It does.









Once the secret sign is displayed the initiate may enter.

















At first she is permitted to retain her street clothes. But not for long...this wanton wastes no time; eagerly she drops her linen in anticipation of...



The shameless mysteries of 'The Ass of Ha-Nu-Shop-Vac'



Their wild incantations ring through the marbled temple halls! "I must not fear! Fear is the mind-killer! Fear is the freaky gnome with big warts that smells weird like onions! Barada! I call upon He who walks unseen and foul ! N'gai!"


The Great Beast appears! Behold, he turns.....












Suddenly the mystic portal to the inner sanctum is revealed!!!
















MJ enters, and here she greets and joins her sister initiates in performing the Festivus Feats Of Strength!







Once their frenzied writhings have subsided their sacred Lodge Mother summons them to stand before her altar. Her gaze is merciless; keen and black as shattered obsidian! Or a tire! Or a mixture of obsidian AND a tire!










MJ performe the Ritual Canadian Inverted Obeisance!!!










"Lave your earholes with the Vasoline of truth! I bear strange messages via the kidneys of abnormality and the vesicles of remorse; yea, many and convolute are the colons of the blessed, flaccid, timeless and vaguely sonorous in the endless icy wastes! Ai! The goat with a thousand young!"

Thus begins her tale.

And SHE TELLS ALL.











In appreciation her lodge sisters grant her the Order of the Ethnic Necklace! They crown her with the mystic Lumpy Hat! Joyous, she bursts into extemporaneous song!

"La la la, I'm wearing a hat, yes, it's nice....this hat; I'm just standing here wearing it.....its lumpy...is this room cold or is it just me..."









They fete her with strange delicacies, curious cucurbits, unexpected tubers.

Ham features prominently on the menu.








Their obscene revels last until the dawn!!!!















But all things must end. Finally, she takes her leave. Crowned with the daybreak, foul with unnamed secretions, she disappears into the early morning...as anonymous and mysterious as she had first cameded.



One final ritual then ensues, one which her sisters reserve apart, a special rite only enacted upon MJ's departure from those sacred precincts...














"Oh God, you're kidding. Get it. Just get it."
"Ew, no, you get it. It's on you."
"Anybody got a comb? Or a lighter?"



note: MOST OF THE B/W PHOTOS HERE ARE FROM VINTAGE PULCHRITUDE. THIS IS A FANTASTIC SITE! I STRONGLY URGE YOU TO GO THERE AND (TRY NOT TO THINK ABOUT YOUR GRANDMOTHER) REVEL IN THE GLORIOUS FEMININITY OF IT ALL!

19 comments:

  1. It’s arse I crave! Not ass!

    Do NOT make me look upon Beast’s inner sanctum!

    You’ll never find me in the Chilliwack Corn Maze.

    I insist you remove this filth overnight.

    Meanwhile, I’ll be in my boudoir serving single malt from my mystic lumpy hat.

    Send more tubers up to my room!

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  2. I woke up this morning and the world was good , then I find my inner sanctum splattered all over the internet.
    Its a funny old world

    Do you think waxing would be a good idea ????

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  3. So does this mean she is a bad person or just a cunt?

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  4. mj is back! why in the fuck did no one tell me???

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  5. The second to last picture? Lady wrestler? I think thats my mom.

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  6. mj: THE WORLD DESERVES THE TRUTH.

    beast: waxing would take away all the mystery. now bleaching...

    knudie: well, yeah. that, and she has a lumpy hat.

    cb: well now you know!

    gale: tell your mom i like her cape. all moms should wear capes.

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  7. Beast could benefit from using this product.

    *waves to Chaucer's Bitch*

    *kicks Knudsen and Beast in their mansnatches*

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  8. making a cape as we speak . . .

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  9. Dont you mean my inner sanctum MJ???
    If you look close , you can see the face of Jesus smiling benignly out of my ring

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  10. That really does look like Crowley wearing the doggie-protector. From Kabala to K2 to Krawling-on-the-floor; how are the mighty humbled. And on that note, I wonder if OJ's smirking still?

    I guess you hang around abpev a bit, looking at some of the other photos :)

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  11. AND that's just what she does during her summer holidays.

    Believe me, you don't want to know the rest.

    I have heard rumours of Grizzly bear circumcision and the like but I cannot reveal more.

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  12. What was that you were saying about Garfer's "Testicles of Remorse?"

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  13. Oh, holy cow! I've a houseful of giggling 13-year-old girls here tonight, any of whom might look over my shoulder at any moment and see your post. How, exactly, am I supposed to explain these images?

    You trying to get me arrested?

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  14. the pictures... i've never met either of my grand mas in my lifetime. i think it's best not to see more of them pix.

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  15. uh huh huh, shes naked, uh huh huh...

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  16. I like big pointed tits, I'll say that.

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  17. FN...this is the reason i will never stop...for fear of retaliation!...

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  18. What a glorious tribute to a truly noble soul, who in all fairness, is only trying to make this world a more accessible place for social deviants.

    Sepia* Rectumii Infinitum!

    *Seppia,
    Italian origin meaning "cuttlefish"..
    and she displays plenty of that too!

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  19. That picture with the donkey is the wierdedt thing I've seen in a long time...
    thanks :)

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