Monday, March 17, 2008

a baaaaaaaaaaaaad mother-

Last week at the library I decided to pick up a collection of Steven Hawkings' essays, 'Black Holes and Baby Universes'. Unlike his American edition of 'A Brief History of Time', 'Black Holes' carries a very pleasant picture of Mr. Hawking. This Steven looks like he might actually know a couple of dirty jokes and be up for a glass of beer. In contrast, 'Brief History's EVIL HAWKING DARK LORD OF THE INFINITE looks like he'd have no problem using the Force on your sad ass for breaking the yolk on his fried eggs or something.

As I read the essays I went back to the picture a few times, thinking 'Check out this ordinary looking guy with his glasses here. What a hell of a mind you have." And lest that seem to be damning the man with faint praise, know that I approach very little in this world worshipfully; and so I'm approaching Hawking as simply a guy who wrote a book. That explained, it's an exciting book about a very abstract subject, expressed with the most glorious lucidity by a nerdy looking man who looks kind of like the counter guy at UPS.

We know how I am about NERDS.

He seems like he must be a pretty good guy. He had a total slacker attitude growing up. He barely slid into college. Once he was there , he joined the sculling team. Not your ordinary pocket-protector nerd. I mean, Jesus...can you scull? You can not. Chaucers' Bitch can. Go check her out and tell me you'd want her pissed off at you. Hawking must have been a fairly hard little sonofabitch, in that sexy ' evil scrawny British fucker' kind of way. He was kinda cute too. Check him out in the b/w photo here. Hell yeah.

He didn't stop being bad when he got sick, either. He SOARED.

Yes; the man has a great mind, but having a great mind and being hard enough to push your views to the forefront of academe are two different things entirely. Furthermore, he's tough enough to take criticism that would demolish me. Extraordinarily well-informed criticism. Also more than his share of really evil, low criticism in many cases. He faces it up, and pretty damned graciously too, considering that 'evil and low' seems to be an accepted norm in academic circles.

Hell yes, I'd do him.

And don't start with me. They all look like that... right before they come.


  1. Oh how I love him. I love a brief history but I have so many questions while I'm reading. It also hurts my brain just a little. Love that book.

  2. Hm. Not quite my type. I always had a bit of a crush on this guy, though.

  3. Oh for heavens sake , I wander in here for a little light reading over breakfast.
    What image am I left with , to carry me through the day.
    Ejaculating academia
    Thanks for that
    ***Throws half eaten health filled breakfast yoghurt in bin****

  4. i understand the nerd thing, though i'm more of a david attenborough fan. (though now i think about it, david might have finally just crossed that threshold into "too old for me" land. Maybe.

    tomorrow i'll put up a video of me sculling just to really scare your readers!

  5. Hmm.
    I dunno, the guy can't move.
    I like * some *input, so to speak...

  6. there's a REALLY obscene Family Guy segment with Stephen Hawking. I highly recommend it. It's on Youtube for your viewing pleasure.

  7. I see that that there Girl With A One Track Mind had a tumble in the sheets recently with a "sexy geek boy" who is really famous, apparently. Has she been bonking The Hawking?

  8. joy: Imaginary time, right? here's a great site that my Amazon shot me that explains it really well:

    w2: doesn't everyone? ah, marty....

    beast: it works for me...i don't see what the problem is. hey, come back. i don't get it! hey!

    cb: just think how grateful the At would be, though? and you'd have no problem holding him down.

    noshit: nah, I'd give him a brief history of the bj. kind of a 'hey, thanks dude' from a fan. and yes i am fully aware of how disgusting and perverted i am, thank you. *pulls bag over head*

    cb: OO! I will!

    betty: you read her? how much you want to bet now that she's famous people will 'drop by' for a star turn with the Girl?

  9. jesus fucking christ mother.

  10. I have a nerd, really I do

    *does happy dance*

  11. so, have you found the clip yet???

    oread: you need to have a comma after "christ."

    *runs and ducks*

  12. We know you want Hawkings love child.

    He/she will solve superstring theory and time travel through a wormhole to bring you the wares of Carthage which you will use in your nefarious plans for world domination.

    This evil coupling must be stopped.

  13. Someone once mentioned to me that this blog has a little too much coarse language. Maybe I should mention to "someone" that its author is right up there with some of the finest minds? How many dimwits don't even know who SH is?

  14. *speaks in best southern redneck drawl*
    he sure does have a pretty mouth.

  15. I have to point out that I am very nerdy as well you know...

  16. ssa: *snork* he he he.


    ziggi: they rule!

    cb: i found it, but my computer won't load the plug-in, dammit!!!! /yeah, you better duck.

    garfy: like that wasn't obvious; duh. it's all about the dna with me.

    dinah: yo; reding smart buks and swerin am not mootually excloosuv. ('someone' tried to access my blog at work and got blocked, I bet!)

    voices: you sick little man. congratulations and welcome to the flatbutt nation. your name: 'Ribbed For Her Pleasure'.

    mr. the dog: i thought that was going to be our little secret!

  17. One of my fave Homer Simpson moments was when he was time travelling and said that he should have listened to that wheely chair guy.

    Stevie 'Wonder' Hawking has a huge brain and since that is the most valuable sex organ I can appreciate your curiousity. If this guy doesn't know his way around a hole, nobody does!

  18. cb, what if I was referring to mary? that ol hag? eh???

    can we just say my icked outness didn't want to linger on the keyboard long enough to punctuate?