Wednesday, June 18, 2008

Lenny and Curtis' search for meaning

One morning, sitting around the campfire making breakfast, Lenny and Curtis fell to discussing life, as one does out on the range.

"I should think that we are all just mindless mechanisms in a great, cosmic clock whirring meaninglessly down toward an inevitable and equally as pointless end," said Lenny.

"Now gol-durn it Lenny, that's just awful ding-danged cheerful at 6 of the mother fuckin A.M. Shee-oot. Iffen I wanted to listen to that dang danged kinda depressin hooraw I'd could just " At which point Lenny tuned Curtis completely out.

But Curtis could always tell when Lenny's thoughts were drifting. "Now just a gol-durned second Mr. Nihilism, I aint fooled for one got-damn minute by your act there. My viewpoints is jist as dang valid as yourn; I jist don't express m'self all purdy-like the way you does."
"Turn the shallot," said Lenny. "It's probably done."

Still, all through breakfast the debate raged. Finally Lenny declared " We must then simply take it upon ourselves to discover once and and for all time a meaning of life; or whether such even exists. A quest! A noble quest indeed!"

"Y know, sometimes when y go lookin fer your hearts desire yew dont need t go lookin any further than yer back door" said Curtis, out of frame. "Thats from that there Wizard of Oz movie. Whaddya suppose them'alluns meant by that? Some kinda gay stuff r whut?"

Unbeknownst to them their plans were being overheard and noted with care.

It was none other than that dastardly fiend THE GRAVY MASTER!

..and his poorly uplit sidekick BLUBBATOR!

With all due speed they hastened to the Gravy Masters secret high-tech lair! At their feet lay a strange device. What fiendish purpose had it been made to serve?

"Yes! Come my loveliest one! Step up upon the numeric platform and press your foul fin upon the ignition switch! Yes! Yes, make haste!" exclaimed the easily overexcited mage of mischief. "Quickly! If our dastardly desires are to be fulfilled!"

The deed was done! The air was filled with special effects and all jiggly lines and stuff!

Suddenly the image altered! The jiggly lines and lightening and crap was still there though! A sinister form took shape in their midst!

"My creation! My most prized creation! What a day for evil this is!" cackled the Gravy Master. "Step down my transmogrified pet, and take a look at the new you! Are you not perfect? Are you not the very face of all that is malign? Behold! You are-
WILL SMITH!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yes....and as Will Smith you have the power to transform into any shape you wish! And do my bidding while I stay behind here in my Jeep! You are magnificent!
Now go forth....go forth and kill...




  1. Crikey, that was almost as good as Power Rangers.

    I like a bit of evil maniacal cackling. Will there be more?

  2. My Cowboy Curtis just jumped off the shelf in excitement!

  3. WOW more plot and better special effects than The Hulk 2.
    I can wait for the sequel.

    I am also fascinated by your washing machine
    You have a key pad AND dials
    How wild is that

  4. I meant I CAN'T wait for the sequel
    What is Will Smith going to do ???
    Will Good triumph over evil ???
    Is the Shallot cooked???
    Has FN's washing machine also got those big tape reels and flashing lights like a circa 1970 James Bond film ????
    I AM SO EXCITED!!!!!!!
    ****Throws excitement soiled underpants at Miss MJ****

  5. I feel real stoopid now
    Its a calculator sat on top of the washing machine isn't it!
    ***Beast slinks off , glowing gently****

  6. Anonymous6:32 AM

    Yes, more please! And until then, I'll have some of whatever it is you're taking. Because it is good stuff.
    And don't say progesterone; that just makes me sleepy.

  7. EVERYONE: this is what happens when you leave a middle aged woman alone with a camera and a statue of a man in a fez.

  8. May I say that you are truly kickass awesome.
    That is all.

  9. oh god. i only just now noticed the "range" gag. in my defense the first time i read this is was Very Late At Night.

  10. I'm very impressed at how clean the top of your cooker is - are you sure you use it??

    You are KILLIN' ME!

    That was so frickin' smart and funny I am SO going to mimic (as in totally steal) this format..

    once things have settled down and you forgot that I just said that..

    which would happen a lot faster if our dig cam wasn't in the shop and I just stop talking about it and distract you.

    Which I will..

    any minute now...

    what's goin' on in the Garden?

  12. FN, I heart you. Sorry I haven't been around, you just made my day.

  13. Yes, episode 2? Very well done, thanks. (sorry I don't have a snappy retort, my mind is too slow. I'll think of one later today driving home, then forget it when I sit at the computer again)

  14. I am having this strange urge to kill, kill, KILL!!!

  15. Does your little grandson know you play these games with his toys?
    And: more parrots at my place!