Friday, August 08, 2008

Purple Dog Howls The Singing Fierce: Speed Essence!

Where have I been? Writing porn. Too hot to work outdoors so what the hell, right? Stay inside and heat things up. Or not, considering the frequent sidetracks into, say, french economic theory (the one in the can right now) and harvesting equipment and residential smoke damage and whatnot. So hit UJ and you'll find four new posts since the last time you visited 6 MONTHS AGO you slacker.


So my son visited last week and stayed the night, and we drove all over hells half acre and had a couple of beers and gardened together. It was awesome!

Then what happened....huh. My tomatoes are going nuts....and, its been really hot outside...and, the lawn quit growing so I haven't had to mow....lets see. I made hendrixcats tandoori chicken thing and it was GOOD...hung out with my daughter and had a blast, and drove all over hells half acre...saw cow NO NO NO WE DIDN'T SE STOP I DIDN'T SAY OW saw sheep....and llamas; someone out in Skagit hires out pack llamas to hikers and there they are, standing all on the side of the road llama-ing around...being, you know, llamas...

Oh, and the Canadians are attacking. It's great.
There's fighter jets flying overhead so low that its raising the fucking shingles on the roof. Way to go Canada! You show us Americans, dammit! You go! Just....stampede those co
sheep! Thats right! Boy, I sure won't be messing with ol' Canada any time soon, you bad co
sheep stampeder men!!! I'll tell everyone I know, boy, you piss off the Canadians, they will flat come and SCARE YOUR LIVESTOCK, man. Don't do it. Serious.

Suppose they've filed a flight plan with the FFA? Them or any of the other Canadian-based aircraft that have been doing stunt stalls overhead? Have they FUCK, chillun.

And where are the Minuteman Millitia? Those brave volunteer defenders of our nations borders? Selfless and true, tirelessly patrolling the perimeters on their own time in their own vehicles with their own unneccessarily large-calibre weaponry? One doesn't know. AL QAIDA (or possibly his brother Tim Qaida) could be up there in his Piper Cub flying around! With a whole grocery sack full of MJ's used uns ready to fling down on our crops and in the water supply and ALLAH ONLY KNOWS WHAT ALL. Meanwhile we're just sitting ducks.

Thanks a WHOLE LOT, Minuteman Millitia. One might get the impression that you were simply a fair weather, attention whoring, racist organization dreamed up by ineffectual, middle aged 4-F losers with too much spare time on their hands or something. Geeze. yeah, thats it.

That, and, Blogger won't let me comment on ANYBODY'S SITE. at all. For the last 4 days. And goddammit, I've had some damned pithy shit to say! I am sad.


  1. Good to hear that the Empire Loyalists are doing there stuff and cowing (geddit?) chicken shit Yankee gardeners.

    Minute men? What's that all about? Do they all suffer from premature ejaculation or summat?

    God save the Queen.

    *salutes and waxes handlebar moustache*

  2. don't you call me a slacker! i visit UJ EVERY DAY in search of porn. but where has it been? fucking nowhere, that's where! for months and months, NADA. and you're calling me a slacker, you cow-loving loon. that's rich, that is.

  3. *Checks nations temprature*

  4. You? Going off on a side track? NOOOOoooo.

  5. Anonymous1:49 AM

    you think it's hot there? whatever! it's too hot here to even think about anything remotely having to do with porn.

    p.s. the sheep are starting to organize. one word of advice - run!

  6. You are so brave. Why don't ya comment here? And we go read the blog and chuckle heartly?

  7. but i love to hear your rantings...does that count?

  8. Well that explains why I couldn't find a clean pair of knickers this morning.

  9. Tim Qaida...

    It's the little things that make me happy.

  10. Anonymous6:33 AM

    i think the sheep have kidnapped another victim. beast. it's odd that he hasn't put in his 2 cents worth.

    is it still considered cents when the british use euros?

  11. I was unaware MJ owned a pair of clean knickers, I heard that she bought them off of Japanese business men who'd bought them out of used underpants vending machines. Twice used panties.

  12. OH and also did I tell you my new neighbors have GOATS?! not sheep, or le vache (not even one), but GOATS that are chubby and grouchy and it is super.

  13. garfy: well, they're ready in a minute, or so went the original idea..maybe they finish in a minute too.

    cb: put your comments where they matter then. no proof, doof. you been? uh huh. riiiiiiiight. (they've been getting a little 'days of our lives' recently, i know...*hangs head in shame at being a boring porn lady)

    voices: HEY NOW WHOA dammit use a thermometer ya perv.

    panda dangereuses: snide will get you nowhere. and once i get done laughing, i'll show you where that is.

    pink: the most dangerous animal of them all: the intelligent sheep.
    *hops about saying 'baa'*

    gale: angling for an invite? all ya gotta do is ask. you dirty, dirty woman you.

    daisy: if you can actually hear them you need to ramp up on the ssri inhibitors or something, love.

    mj: yes, and we aaaaaaaaaaaaaaall buy that one, dear.

    pink: if only that were true. inadvertantly, you have given me new hope. *looks around cautiously, checks under house, inspects lampshades for listening devices*

    ssa: a. you have information i do not. I'd heard she was Vend O Gussets 'Canadian Connection." b. MAAAAAAAA! MAAAAAAAAA!

    I have battled comment swallowing blogger , four legged ruminants with evil in mind , and the canadian airforce deluging us with MJ 's toxic knickers and can reveal a canadian masterplan to crown Celine Dione as supremem ruler of the planet .Everyday will be Filthy Friday ....forced viewing of 24/7 sagging old man meat and worship of piggy's Arse .
    Don't say you havn't been warned

  15. *runs off with sheep under each arm before beast waves magic wand and makes even saturday a filthy friday*

  16. SSA: Don't air my dirty laundry in public.