Sunday, June 25, 2006

Blue Electric Eel The Evil Hands Glisten!

........and THAT, ladies and gentlemen, is what happens when you try and cure a cold with beer.
update: hey whinger, why can't i post comments on your blog?
Might anybody want a Lane expandable walnut dining table, seats six, expands to seat 10? Origional finish, purchased in 1946 or so?
How about a walnut hutch, modern style, also Lane?
Three formal sets of china?
Untold partial sets of formal crystal, from aperetif to premium brandy?

Moving all the stuff the Stainless Steel Amazon had here into her new house has left a lot of space here at rancho FirstNations, but unfortunately it is a sucking kind of space, and it is desparately seeking to suck in the above, and more. The above is only a fraction of what the Playboy of the Western World is leaving behind when he moves, and while it is quality stuff, we hate it. To be brutally honest.

I am like Hendrix (X, OOO). I want to live an a serenely modern space with abstract art, a plinth or three scattered about, maybe a Calder rug. OO, fuck yeah a Calder rug; and severe danish modern everything else and big nubby nappy handwoven silk and linen and a huge honkin Paul Klee taking up one wall. (brutally wrenches self away from this fantasy.)

So of course what do I have now; a house full of garage sale crap. Well, not really crap, good stuff actually; I used to pick for antique dealers on the side and I ran into some sweet stuff. But thats just the point: I have a lot of sweet stuff. Too much sweet stuff; thats why I don't pick any more. I like too many things. Just, not any of my father in laws things, unfortunately.

We will soon be holding the GARAGE SALE OF THE FREAKING CENTURY.

The pre-sale secret policemens other garage sale will be the event of the season. We are already contacting people, favorite relatives and closest personal friends of the Playboy. Staid German Catholics, descendants of the first settlers all, will mingle shoulder to handbag with the wicked and notorious gay cognosceti of Whatcom County, up to and including the self-described 'big fat fairy', uncrowned queen of porn himself, the owner of (only gay oriented porn store in the county) and the Playboy's lifelong friend.

Ever wondered what happens to hardcore subculture people when they get old? This is what happens: they dress a little more conservatively than they did in their youth and they are no longer as strident publicly, having made their point already. But they are still BONE EXTREME. Even with lovely table manners, driving midsized sedans. They make us young freaks look plain puny. It's breathtaking. It's magnificent. I now know exactly what I want to be like when I get old.


  1. Shit, shit, shit. Sounds too good miss, wish I was closer with a pick up.

  2. I LOVE old hardcore fearless crazy people. My dearest closest just died about a month ago. She was stronger, wilder, more "out there" at 76 than most of us are at 17. Rest in peace, killer babe.

  3. frobi: you are either up really late or really early! dang-wait untill I have a final draft!
    hell, if you can make it, you can have it ALL XX
    cb: ditto! go to bed and keep the hairy man warm!
    free people are the greatest. i hope i have that kind of courage.

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  6. Sorry. The last 2 comments deleted by author are mine. For some reason I'm missing out words when I'm typing (and I'm sober I swear I'm sober!) and only realising it when I hit post.

    so the first comment deleted by me should have come straight after Frobishers and read "me to. Damn. I need a table!". However in the time that it took to write that and hit post you lot had all commented. (actually it took a bit longer than that cos I remembered that I should be hoovering the kitchen, so I wrote the comment, hoovered kitchen and then returned to computer and hit post.)

    The second comment was trying to make sense of all that and failed.

    I'll shut up now. I obviously need a drink.

  7. Get your hand out of your arse, Jimmy.

  8. hendrix: *snif* that was beautiful, man...
    wcsn: welcome welcome! i have no idea what you are talking about, but thats no drawback here at rancho FirstNations. i just ripped through your blog. your fascination with startrek1 both disturbs and intrigues me. i do have to set you straight on something, i fear...
    SPOCK WAS THE GODKING OF SEX on startrek 1.
    i'm glad thats settled.

  9. Please post pics of your yard sale junk before it goes out for sale in case we want any of it. Especially the lamps.

  10. Forgot to mention: I also love it that you chose a Calder rug and the Christmas Story leg lamp to epitomize good and bad taste. Excellent choices, both.

  11. mj: might do that, ackshully. when we had the porsche up for sale briefly there was a feeding frenzy going on. what might happen with pictures of 20 year old drapes and souvenir plates from Greece??!!
    cb: the calder rug turned out to be a klee painting when i hilighted the wrong thing and then uploaded it. my tastes embrace both painting and lamp. that may be good, it may not...

  12. Anonymous11:49 AM

    You and Partner would happily decorate a house together with nary a disagreement....

    Unknown why you can't comment. How far do you get? Can you click on the Comments box? Do you get an error?

  13. Anonymous1:13 PM

    I think the comments are sorted. You'd mistakenly made it into the Spam folder.

    Tsk tsk on me.

  14. yeah, sorted. 'ku!
    partner has impeccable taste. well, you knew that though, right? she picked you!
    all together now: awwwwwwwwwww...

  15. I'm all over that mid-centry modern. I read magazines and look at these modern beautiful settings, just as you've describaed, clutch my hair and want to fall to the ground, it's so dreamlike - the whole beautiful, oh stop already...torture, torture. I'm working on the whole de-cluttering process in our place. It never ends. Put that lamp in the box and mark it FRAGILE and put it out for the sale.