Monday, June 26, 2006

ewe are so beautiful to me.........

Well woo hoo!
I just got a dorky haircut!
Yes I did. But everything evens out because I wrote a bad check for it.
I included a tip, though.
This is what happens when I have to get up and be expected to do things in the morning. Like drive and shit. I grabbed the wrong checkbook. Halfway into town, for some reason that completely escapes me, I decided that if I didn't get my hair cut TODAY, as SOON AS POSSIBLE that life as we know it would just GRIND TO A HALT.
Except for a very unfortunate few times in my life I have always had longish hair. Not dumbass long, but shoulder length. Still, it's beginning to look a little 'mutton dressed as lamb' now that its a. thinning and b. greying and c. sprouting out of a 46 year old woman. What I usually do is realize that my hair is getting rather too long to bunch up into a clasp, so I grab it into a ponytail and hack it off with a scissors. But today something told me that I needed a short bob, so I went to a cheapo taiwanese salon next to Wal-Mart and a very nice young lady sheared me. Right about the time I signed the check and handed it over, and right about the time she looked at it oddly and blushed is when I realized that my name wasn't on that account, but she didn't read English.
So I passed it. Shit, what was I gonna do? I already had the haircut.
I fully intend to go back tomorrow and make things right.
I look like the victim of a tasteless practical joke involving a balcony and a pekinese.

I am sitting here at my daughters computer (by the way, chickie, the repeat is set far too slow for the lightning-like touch of SPEED MUK) writing this while the goonybird attempts to watch the Making of Dark Crystal. He is supposed to be taking a bath but he let the stopper out and clambered out dripping wet and ran a couple laps around the room; so he's dry, at least. And significantly cleaner
He spent the afternoon eating tree sap. I caught him gnawing the marbles of sap off the trunk of the cherry tree trunk today. Honestly. Like a little pink muskrat. I also caught him sucking on the cut end of a mugo pine branch that had a drop of sticky sticky pitch leaking out. He swore it was good. He probably won't die.
Now he is whapping me on the arm and insisting 'Sheep! Sheep! Sheep! Sheep!'
'Sheep? What?' I am finally reduced to asking-that or get a bruise.
'Yeah!' he replies cheerfully, and leads me to the kitchen.
Apparently there are sheep in the refrigerator that I am keeping him from. We have done this twice already and each time he carefully examines the interior of the 'fridge for sheep. So far, no sheep.
It's starting to creep me out a little.

ps: fine. heres my haircut.


  1. A back to nature child I see.

    I'd like to see the new do please.


  2. I ate tree sap when I was 5 years old because I thought it was maple syrup. Well? It was a maple tree!
    I spit it out as it tasted like Vicks VapoRub.

  3. Aaahhhh. You look just like I imagined you to. Do you think the goonybird wanted cheese? My ginger ferret (son) used to say sheep instead of cheese - depends how old he is I guess.

    Ooh my word verification is pshaw - a fine ye olde english word for an exclaimation of utter disbelief.

  4. "I just got a dorky haircut
    But everything evens out because I wrote a bad check for it.
    I included a tip, though."

    That's the sort of logic I approve of. It begs does the question though. Do you think you got a dorky haircut because on some weird subconscious/psychic level the hairdresser knew you were going to give her a bad cheque. Or, do you think you picked up the wrong chequebook because on some weird subconscious/psychic level you knew you were going to get a bad haircut?

    Wouldn;t worry about the tree sap eating episode. If it's not poisonous and he says it tastes good then it's probably got something in it he needs. Sort of like pregnant women eating coal.

    I'd be worried about the invisible sheep in the fridge though...last thing you want to be doing is cleaning off the wool caught on the shelves...

  5. perhaps he was searching for sheep dip to go with his tortilla chips. get it? sheep dip?! ah, i crack me up...

  6. That's so funny about the new 'do. I'm in need of a good sheering myself. Effing curly hair.

    The goonybird cracks me up. Every freaking time. You let us know how it goes with the sheep

  7. kyah: you got it. thats me there, standing under the pekingese.
    mj: somehow that does not surprise me. the vicks part does, though. maybe it was a Lever Brothers tree.
    rockmother: you are a genius. later on that eve. he ate about half a brick of tillamook! i never thought about that but you're right!!!
    hendrix: i think that everything happened magically at the instant the last snip snapped because otherwise it would not have been my life. sheep-i worry that there are sheep, but they refuse to appear when i am around because they do not like me.
    so bummed.
    cb: in a cage match between geoffrey c and my boy dante, who do you think would win?
    pfft. sheep dip!
    christine: he is a trippy little dudelet.

  8. i'm joining you in the new-haircut-playpen today. Mine was actually a good cut to start, but i've no idea how to get it to look the way it did when i left the salon.

    today i look kind of like a freshly brushed poodle. it's not attractive.

  9. Ahahaha! the Pekinese!

    I'm sure it's not that bad. *Snigger.*

  10. don't worry FN. Invisible sheep are well known for their standoffishness. It's a fact of life. Just like never being able to recreate the style you got at the hairdressers!

  11. If only I had hair****sigh***
    On my head that is , but short of leaerning to walk on my hands , and learning to talk out of my ass(yes yes I know I do already) , the hair thing has gone for ever.
    The haircut looks nice !!!
    You dont have any welsh ancestory do you , the goonybird may be looking for a date !

  12. Ha, ha, haaa! Your grandson and my son together would be way too explosive for us to handle! Mine will test everything in site with every freaking sense he possesses and yeah.... he recently kept insisting that our dog bit him... problem is, we don't have a dog!

    Sorry about the haircut.... I had mine down to my waist when I chopped it off. Now I am growing it back but since it is curly I will enjoy it once I am past my youth! DAMMIT!

  13. claire: funny how we're both toy breeds.
    (you look fine.)
    whinger: it does. snigger away.
    hendrix: shhh. the sheep will hear you.
    beast: hey, im catching up with you. oh yes, one of the less talked about side effects of menopause: thinning hair. yay!
    mizB: they are twinstars, i tell you! and hair; all i want to do is have enough to keep from looking like the cryptkeeper. thinking seriously about a wig. so i can flip it.

  14. Your a british piece of shit.

  15. kelp tablets. Guaranteed to make your hair grow. (thats not how you spell guaranteed is it? It never looks right no matter how I spell it)

  16. Hair always grows back. My beard actually never stops growing - you can watch it minute by minute.

  17. rb; this, from the human tampon? i'm flattered. i'm also native american.
    hendrix: what is is about kelp that makes one hairy? fish dont have hair. confused. frightened. native american.
    sn: that is impressive. despite the fact that i was raised catholic and all i can manage is a slight moustache.

  18. Heh heh. I love old flamboyant people. So much more interesting than the ordinary sort. I wish I was coming to the sale. :( Ah well, tell us all about it.

    lol lol rofl haircut funny... You look like a Pekineeeese...

  19. Hey! What's up with the rude Red Baron - there's no neeed for that. If I were him/her I'd go and get a 'pekinese' - that copper barnet's not looking so hot baby!

  20. We can dismiss the Rude Baron as not only an asshole but also an ignorant twit. He clearly doesn't know the simple difference between the possessive "your" and the contraction "you're." He is, therefore, a complete nonentity.

  21. A litle pink muskrat you say?

    Send it to Piggy and Tazzy for some filthy abuse.

  22. CB: I actually couldn't tell whether RB was he/she or it so thanks for enlightening me. He, if he is a he definately needs attention in the hair dept. Unless of course, he is wearing that wig for a dare. Don't mess with the chicks RB - you'll only get it back thrice as hard and far more eloquently! Have a nice day.

  23. noshit: you've been smoking kiwi fur again, haven't you.
    rockmother: pay no attention to that. it lives under a bridge and devours volkswagens.
    cb: precicely. presisely. presiceley.
    sid: noooooooooooooooo, maybe not....
    rockmother: let the sunlight turn it to stone.

  24. Nice haircut.

    (and I see you have your very own bridge-dweller. nice!)

  25. Do I need to tell you that it's time to hop on your bike and just keep heading east and sit down in the chair. I mean if I'm not getting taken care of, someone should. Oh and bring the gooneybird cause mine looove other gooneys and we have plenty of trees for him to chew on in the yard.