Release Badger: Escape! the Getaway Made is Secret

In the interests of dispelling ignorance I have prepared this modest offering. I hope you find it enlightening.

1. DOGS WERE DOMESTICATED, IN PART, BECAUSE THEY EAT SHIT.
You may not have wanted to know that. You do now. Ha!
Humans, in their earlier history, weren't real particular about how far from camp they threw their garbage, took a dump, or dragged their less-honored dead. They did not have to be, because a variety of scavengers (including themselves when times were thin) took care of the final disposal problem for them. Canids were among this crowd.
We don't digest all the protein we take in, and dogs (like most scavengers) aren't real picky about where they get theirs. Anyone who owns a dog and an indoor cat has noted- or should have by now, ew- the attraction Sparky has for the cat pan. Same reason-cats digest even less protein than humans. Do. Ahem.
Nature is beautiful.
Over time dogs became habituated to our presence. Being the largest scavenger they got the biggest portion, and because of their proximity and their human-rich diet choices, they began to take on our smell. Being pack animals, scavengers and omnivores like us, they were able to form partnerships with us because some of the behavioral psychology is so similar.
The clincher? Dog is tasty. Plus it doesnt give you kourou* the way chowing down on dear departed Aunt Patricia does. Even if the last thing doggy ate WAS dear departed Aunt Patricia.
Not that I would know personally, but Lewis and Clark speak highly of it. Dog, I mean.


2. Small passenger helicopters are deathtraps.
Years ago we lived near a business that used to scrap the wrecks of small passenger helicopters. Theres good money in that, apparently. Any of the components that remain unbroken can be resold (which in many instances is SO INCREDIBLY ILLEGAL), and the wrecked parts can be stripped and sold for BUX on the scrap market.
That is because the main body of some of those things is made of aluminium honeycomb.
Here is a crappy diagram:
IXI
IXI
IXI
'I' represents sheet aluminium. 'X' represents a honeycomb filling the space between, theoretically stiffening it while keeping the overall weight down, made of aluminum so lightweight it resembles foil tissue. You can press your finger into it like buttercream frosting and write 'This stuff is shit' in cursive letters about four inches high. Well you can.
The sheet used to form the inner and outer wall of this stuff is the same thickness as the aluminium used in making a popcan, if not slightly thinner. My gradeschool-aged daughter could tear it easily. It's like tearing light card stock.
This 'aluminium sandwich' is used to form all the outer walls of the helicopter's body.
Now, in it's final, intact shape the helicopter body is (again, in theory) pretty strong, owing to it's being all ovals in cross section. We all did the 'stacking bricks on top of eggs' experiment in school, right? It's a strong shape. And it's reinforced inside with drilled i-beam struts, too...also a strong shape, and lightweight.
Until you punch it.
Now, not a man punch. We're talking a lady punch with a t-shirt wrapped around the fist. And we aren't talking about a section thats already been wrecked, either....we're talking about a new section still on the flatbed where we really didn't have any business snooping around punching things.
Crumples like a styrofoam cup.
Let me hasten to add that nothing, no conveyance yet invented, mangles a human body quite as completely,

or as inextricably,

as a small passenger helicopter made of aluminium honeycomb.
Avoid small passenger helicopters.


3. The big secret of the Masonic Lodge is that God's name is Yahweh.
I suppose this could come in pretty handy if you wanted to send God a Christmas card; you wouldnt' have to write 'Hoping you have a Great Christmas and a very happy New Year, God dude' which could be construed as impertinent, depending on Gods mood at the moment. Although you got to figure, God's omniscient, right? So God would know already that it's not like you were trying to be a smartass. Although God is God so if God wanted to fry your ass with a lightning bolt for that God could, and what are you gonna do about it, you know? I mean, God could.
If he wanted to. Which he might not, but he could.
It's deep.





*the human version of Mad Cow Disease.