Sunday, October 08, 2006


Cheap Overseas Printing Company pORN and Smuggle xxx present NOW FOR YOU!


Have you ever seen a dream walking? WeLL we have! And here she is!
This playful cottontail will hop right into your heart! Equally at home in the office or on the town, call her now...quick as a BUNNY!
#2234 NOW for Pam Troepple

Come hITHER!
hER LIPS MAY SAY MAYBE, Her eyes say yess, oh yes! Let this charming chanteuse tickle your fancy and make your heart take FLIGHT!
#556 for KRISTY!!!!

You'll come in two under par on this flag!!! Grab your pitching wedge and leave all your cares bhind AT vclubhouse because SHE'LL sink your putt in style!
#8965 for WHINGER (outcall only)

Her movie career lead her into the exciting world of jet setting lifestyle fashoin! Sun and srf, sea and ski, this cutie will never LET YOU DOWN! jUMBO MELONS exciting only the finest healthy lungs lover!
#112 for AWAITING

Too hott to handle but oh so tempting! This ultra hot -n- nasty superfreak will make yoU GROW HORNS! Let her plant her pitchfork in your heart right now for super seXXXy fun!
#666 for MJ

The mysterious of the East are an open book to this sultry seexpot! Her hypnotixze of gaze will transport you to a wolrd of pleasure and the rext of her make you stay there soooo worthwhile! She put a speel on you now!
#0095 for DANATOR

Whatever shall I wear? Why where anything al all when this sassy sweetie comes a calling? LIttle BO PEepe is all grown up and ready to find your three bags full! For rompings is so much fun today!
#117 for HENDRIX

oH MY, what have we got here! It looks like my boobies are fly away! so much having is a very suprise ME of get for Christm,as, Santa! cuM kiss me under the MISTLETOW NOW!

SPECIAL OFFER COLLETORS EDITION hard-ti find eight-track tape fo Early hits! Sizzling sounds of love and passion will exvcite you as never before as you listen to the hot n heavy seduction of this innocent girls educating in bed! greatest hits of early recording by the one and only ROCKMOTHER!
#786 FOR Rockmother (8 track tape )

The allure of the tempting tropics lures you in to the sample delights of this daughter of natural! let her love you on the sand under the heat of the island moon and singyour heart a song of passion noW!!!
#1110 for Claire

Become raptured by the hyponotic swing of her grass skirt as this Hula Hula girls sways her way int o your heart! supple, sexy, and wild as the island palms, she'll put the umbrella in your pina colada and make all your tropical dreams come tru!
#4442 for NOSHIT SHERLOCK (OR DIAL 666. 54. 77. 8966 FOR free phone line NOW!)

wILD AND UNTAMED she roams the deser4t looking for a STAlliOn! could that horse be you? You;'ll nevber know until you try and run withthis frisky desert mare! Tame her if you dare!
#3004 for G

She's wet shes wiled! She'll make a splash ! with her mermaids way she'll swim upstream into the heart of your chest and love will flowing now SEXXY! Hve seeing to believe this swan dive of elevator, into the waters go! WaVE!!!!
#0080 for MUtha!

Please put your TRAY into the upright and lock position for THIS dangerous curves ahead! If glancing away she will capture you in her barrier and make hot wild love all week all night for tiime with you!
#641 for SpinsterellA

Sweet wicked songstress can only be lured by siren of night, of moon, of bed. Copme seranade this beauty under the bvelvet skies and let her shick you away to a paradise of passion!]
#006 for Tamburlaine

Peek a nboo, I see you! I'ts not just a hairry dog story, this hoy mamma will never say no! pearls and lace,d jewels and gold, she'll robk your until you're old age...and make you BEG FOR MOR4E!
#216 for Neva

So ultra modern, so extra special! This siren of the satrsw will sing you a sweet song of love while the mook rides over head. Her martian ways of strange SeXXXy have you holding y9our head and say A!
#327 for Patroclus

All we can say is EXXXotic!
This limber lovely has all the engredients of the percect COCKtail! have breatstf, and cocoanut, with spicy spicy heat! on fire for you! She dancing with banada, maybe can be yours tODAY!
#1088 for MIxx boheMIA!

MK-uLTRA SEXXXY! this swindging london lassie doesn't make time for play she earns it! with her hips on beat rocking to that london sound! And quiet time ahead of desk for romp aafter take a llettar HOT HOT HOT!
#224 for Great She Elephant

Sooooo sophisticated, soo smooth, so super freaky! she often has wetness for her day in car, in taxicab, in limousine for prim and porper mother onthe go or wild temptress in the fast lane!!! go slow! your hand, the stivckchift myst fully gear ahead!
#00081 for Dflatchimebar

Oh where are my glasses, the pretty girl, when I have miss you? Mindful of softly being, taste with tong she looksfor searching, suck with lips? Oh, can uguide me to you srpirng of love? If i say please???
#340 for Chaucers Bitch!

Eye eye senor! Hot tomale looks with sauce mustard, buns bottom gun in hand boom! If wtih having the loose tongey in mouth why not try a riba? She socks a mean wallop with her two bottoms of love! all bare for senior man jto tickle moustache!
#444 for ARABELLA//1

oH OH OH SHE SAYWHEE! round and raound like afn for round and round of boob! and go! she wind up the p0ulls and go around of key like fan, for wind to cool you off on hot nights and WHEEE!1 she waves! Waved! whoo! whooo! into your eye! humping! take off! helli vcopter!
#0568 for bETTY!!!!!!!


  1. Thank you for the definitive list of top blogging totty.

    BEAST has unfortunatley gone blind

  2. Fist Nations does it again. Really, where DO you come up with it all?

    Um, darling? There's really no delicate way to ask this, but just out of curiosity, were you drunk when you wrote this post? I only wonder because the spelling seems to degenerate as one scrolls down. I think it added a little something extra to the charm!

  3. beast: then i can write anything i want here! beast wears girls bras and does the coochy coochy dance in france!
    cb: when i was a maid 20 years ago I used to run across a lot of really cheapo XXX porn mags that read exactly like this. during the 70's porn crackdown they used to print it up out of country and then smuggle it into the xxx shops. i had in mind some poor malaysian guy typing this up from a bad translation and getting carried away with the subject matter by the end!

  4. Um...what?

    What?! I...what?

    (so confused...)

  5. Oh! You fucking perv!

    *goes off in search of mind bleach*

    Oh! Hello Beast!

  6. Well, that's the last time I wear a bolero jacket.

  7. I think my ta-tas look quite loverly!

    And oh, I am only available between the hours of 12am-3am. After which my wifely and motherly life kicks in.

  8. Hehehe... I'm wearing a hula skirt. I should have a hula hoop too...
    My feem toon will be 'Sway' by that crooner dude.
    Heh. Beast is a dirty little beggar. He will have hairy palms.


    Its not me waving me 'devils dumplings ' about.

    Hello Piggy and Tazzy.

    I am also going to complain about the positive descimination shown on this site , the girls got pictures....the boys didnt....harumph
    I will be outside burning Frobishers underpants for equality...please excuse the smell

  10. Im not wearing any panties ;)

  11. I'm jealous of Arabella's big old Latino butt, and Awaiting has got a better chest-to-waist ratio than me. Still, if those bitches don't stray on to my territory and steal this working girl's trade then I won't complain.

    Yeah, I used to be able to do that with the tassles, but time and the effects of gravity have meant that these days if I try it I'm a hazard to any ground level small mammals.

  12. Where DO you get these pictures from?

    (links appreciated)

  13. while i was snorting coffee all the way through this, i can't help but feel like you were pressured into it. And for that, i'm sorry. i was just kidding about the chocolate cupcakes that you didn't share.

    On the other hand: *clap, clap*

    Bravo, you. Brilliant.
    I heart you now.

  14. kristy: don't play dumb. not when I have the negatives!
    P&T: hi guys!!!! what're you doing looking at boobies? keepimg abreast of the competetion? (god, forgive me, i couldnt stop myself in time)
    ara:no, its cute. you just forgot the torreador pants is all.
    awaiting: but you're our biggest draw!!!
    noshit: this was taken from your highschool yearbook. don't be coy.
    beast: see, i like the guy sites where they're all really hairy and kissing. but if you really want an illustration.....
    frobisher: which is one of the many reasons you're a favorite here at rancho FirstNations, ratty.
    betty: no false modesty, betty; after all, out of all the other ladies you are the only one who can fly! XOO
    billy: vintaj is a good site for retro cheesecake, also voila.
    claire: pressured? not at all! i had this on the back burner waiting for a moment when i was running a fever to work on. (and deal with that bathing beauty; she's wearing stockings under that taffeta swimsuit!!!)

  15. I...

    I'm speechless.

  16. Sorry boys. A winning bid has just come in and I'm off the market. Plenty of other SUPERHOT VIXENS still available.

  17. I love it love it love it! Now where are my keys? Oh yes - I left them in the ashtray by the door! Right, who would like to play hide the peanut while I put on some Bachman Turner Overdrive? Cheese football anyone? Keith - put those ping pong balls down - you'll get chafing.

  18. Ahem , I have been on the bears night out at the insistence of Frobisher and Mr C......I dont need reminding thank you...wall to wall , man boobs , but cracks and body hair

  19. girlfriend... i read, i laughed, i fell out of my chair (i hurt my ass) i laughed some more... and then i wondered: what the fuck? no Bettie Page?

    seriously, when my sisters and i were little girls, we used to sneak into our daddy's office and peek at his copies of Playboy. i'm pretty sure we worried we might look like that/be that way when we grew up. heh heh... what did we know, eh?

    totally fun... and TOTALLY funny (did i mention the laughing and the hurting of the ass??) xoxo

  20. Damn - how did you know I look like that?

  21. pam: you will notice that your are also on the modest side of naughty. that and I thought the girl loked like you.
    mj: you know what they say, though...everything's for sale, really.
    rocky: can I watch sex tv???? please? the other sitter lets me.
    beast: now stop that! *blushing and fanning self briskly*
    neva: i did that too! the lack of nipplage and hairy bits always worried me.
    hendrix: telephoto lens.

  22. Faaaaabulous. Hysterical.

    I will, indeed, put a speel on you, btw. That way you won't know I actually look (and sound) exactly like Yma Sumac. Except with Arabella's bottom.

    Tassles... so mesmerizing. Must get closer to... spinning... AAAUGH! MY EYES! I'M BLIND!!!

  23. Those sluts have got nothing on me! Giddyup! Meeeehheeeee.

    Coicidentally I was just explaining to my daughter the distinction between a mare and a stallion - not quite in these terms (although I can't say it didn't cross my mind). Nobody does old porn better than you FN!

  24. Anonymous10:07 PM

    oh look, a post about a bunch of ho's! how appropriate. haha. let's see, you've got the top 10 ho's of the blogosphere, including piggy and tazzy. lovely.

    *since this list doesn't include me, it's safe to say i'm completely innocent and angelic*

  25. danator: you mean this isnt Yma Sumac? crap. and stand well back from the stripper while she is attempting to take off or land, please.
    G: Ya gotta love Clara Bow!!
    Pink: Ha! I say! only because I did not feel that the 'Pony Play' genre you have chosen to represent had any place on my respectable motherfucking blog!

  26. No one but you can find such a lovely way to glorify the fabulous, er, ladies in your life FN.
    Well done.
    I especially enjoyed learning that you now have breasts of 'socially redeeming significance'

    That's quite a feat.

  27. ya wanna know what a big fucking maroon i am? i left you a comment earlier LINKED to this hysterical post in the Snark... and FAILED to came back and comment on your flattering portrayal of moi. (but i was on my ass laughing... so i'm thinkin' i'm excused)

    and, by the way... are you the one responsible for all the MILF spam i've been having to clear out of the Snark queue? cuz i have to say the writing style looks VERY familiar... xox

  28. kyah: you, elle andpink drama were excluded because of your bad porny badness. so stop with the porny bad nakedness of horse with leather, and she is HOT TO TORT! Over the fence see jump! and getting trophy for good obedience! these pretty ponies long for a firm hand on the reins and a gentle touching with the brushfor hair stroking! #2290 for ELLE, KYAH AND PINKDRAMA!
    216etc: thats ok. so flattered!!! and no, I'm not doing any milf porn, no nothing. thats why i didnt have links here; thinking 'would they really want the kind of traffic this might bring?' so yeah. not me.REALLY!

  29. i look a bit like a dirty isadora duncan.

    for some reason, that pleases me.

  30. Wow, now I know who to crank call
    Funneh stuff, lady!