Friday, June 08, 2007

I'm here..

...I've just been
Painting the front porch
taking cuttings of my Camperdown Elm
lifting plants
dividing plants
potting up
building a new bed for wetland plants in the back yard
trimming and shaping the staghorn willow
" " the alaskan willow

handpicking SLUGS out of my strawberries EW EW EW EW EW and giving them flying lessons...and oddly enough, no matter how hard or how far you throw a slug to get it started, they never seem to catch on to the whole 'flying' thing.

weed whacking (whack! whack!)
visiting home improvement centers
pricing deck rail
drawing up plans for a pergola
visiting nurseries and pricing trumpet vine and wisteria

so, yeah. My time is now my own and look how I spend it...lying around, smoking crack, watching Jerry's pathetic.


  1. Yo FN , we are gardening twins , now I have a fundemental problem with pergola's , I cant be doing with going to all that trouble and then it DOESNT HAVE A ROOF....or is that just me ??
    Passion flowers
    They are the way forward , then we can compare stamens :-)

  2. i just watered the african violets on my windowsill. the ficus benjamina still isn't overgrown enough to justify pruning. *sigh* maybe next summer.

    i want your life.

    or maybe just your garden. :-)

  3. impressive! i think it's saying a lot when i knock the dust off the silk plants

  4. hendrix6:45 AM

    I don't have a garden (apart from the one downstairs and the rest of the neighbours got really snotty when I pruned the cherry trees last winter) but I'm training my mum to put the things I like in her garden so you'll all be pleased to know that the nasturtium walk is starting to do well and the peony roses are just starting to bud.

  5. While you're up, pass the pipe.

    And switch the channel. I've seen that episode.

  6. beast: the whole point of a pergola is to train vines over them so you have a lovely place to sip wine and watch the ufo's flying overhead. watch out for the passiflora, though; it's FREAKISHLY invasive! my mother had one by the front door that travelled up a trellis, over the front porch awning, down the side of the house, back underground and came up in the basement, and 1. inside the house-a new house, i might add 2. inside the garage on the other side of the house 3. inside-that is, BETWEEN the double-paned glass of the storm windows in the garage 4. and through the electrical wiring and out into the back porch light. covered a distance of half a city BLOCK, yo.

    cb: i'll have you know i can't grow an african violet to save my ass. but now, with the egyptian weiner man by my side (pointing the way) i can grow anything! maybe i'll try them again!

    savannah: hey chickie! you might have the right idea. i bet silk flowers don't get scale, huh.

    hendrix: oo, nasturtiums! every time i grow them the aphis come land on them four thick-no exaggeration, either. expect an email shortly when i muster up the necessary courage....XOO

    mj: it's the one where the two fat broads get in a big fight and one's a transvestite, and then everyone starts yelling, right? *suuuuuuuuuuck ck ck kkk akhack gag hack ak*
    take it! take it!

  7. FN I need horticultural advice.I have black spots on me roses(leaves).....what should i do

  8. We also get slugs like nobodys' business here. Little Petal puts out slug pellets that cause them to die, but I have heard that the Thrushes eat the slugs and get poisoned themselves too. I do the throwing thing, like you. I'm thinking of building a trebuchet to see just how far I can get them to go.

  9. Anonymous4:40 PM

    if you want a wisteria vine, email me. seriously. they grow all over the place down here and every year we have to cut one off the light pole in the front yard b/c it interferes with the light lines. i hate those damn purple grape-looking flowers. makes me sneeze, and they're hell to mow under.

  10. FN, I just got caught up on a month of your posts. I read parts of one to The Husband and we both laughed. You have an incredible way with words, m'dear. The way you write things is hilarious and informativve and most excellent.

    When I grow up I wanna be just like you. I also want a pergola with some wisteria.

  11. I smoke crack, but only on the weekends.

    Helps ease the stress.

    Ok, not really, but it felt good typing that.

  12. I feel tired just reading that.

  13. beast: apply Captan, or ignore. i ignore. if it ain't black spot its hail bruising or aphis or cabbaging or powdery mildew or some damn thing with roses.

    sopwith: i usually cut them in half with a rose shears but they weren't handy. don't ever make the mistake of chucking them into a bottle with bleach in the bottom...yes it's safe, and it works, but its....kinda....soupy.

    pink: it runs wild in the hills here too. but the biker likes it because it's the first plant he ever learned to identify, so there ya go. i am his slaaaaaaaave.

    pam: you want a pergola? go find where the city stores the old broken off telephone poles they that got storm damaged. you can get them for a song (or for free,like we are!)

    awaiting: that and x i will NOT do. i like the few teeth which remain, and i take drugs already to ensure that the little seretonin there is keeps doing it's job. now go put on some damn panties wench!

    ziggi: oh you do not. you HUFF crack, maybe, but thats only because you're short and the elevator's crowded.

    tick: go see awaiting; apparently she's got drugs.
    no uns, though.
    but lots of drugs.

  14. Huff? Huff? how the fuck d'you huff?