Sunday, June 11, 2006

rule brittania!!!!


Have I told you lately that I love you?
Well darlings, I'm telling you now.
When I started doing this I have no idea that I would end up with readers, nor that most of my readers would be flying the Union Jack. How this happened I have no idea. But I am not complaining! Not in the least!
Y'all folks are NUTS.
Unlike many Americans, I am not a slavering Anglophile. I mean, I like Angles, I just didn't particularly phile you any more wildly than I phile any other bunch; thus not stimulating my salivary glands to excess and causing me to go through a lot of t-shirts.
You do have some cool things, though... I like Stonehenge, thats excellent...and I like all the cool king and queen stuff with the swords and velvet and farthingales and beheadings and whatnot, right up until Queen 'Wet Blanket' Victoria. Boy, she really took all the fun out of being royal, didn't she?
I also like Led Zeppelin quite a bit.
MONTY PYTHON.
I like that we are mainly in the same climate zone so I can follow British gardening guides without wanting to set something on fire. You folks are some gardening geniuses. Be PROUD! Stand TALL!
Marmalade.
Led Zeppelin.
You make the Triumph and the Norton, both of which are badass.
Rolls Royce; also pretty wicked.
Chuck Windsor, for all his sans-trousers tomfoolery. He is a powerful advocate of organic agriculture, and I liked his book on the project at Highgate quite a bit. I don't know about over there, but over here he's made a difference, believe it or not.
Rowan Atkinson
John Cleese (He will be mine. I will bear his children.)
The language. It's a good language, as languages go. I try and use some every day.
Led Zeppelin.

Now, this means all you in the U.K., and all you transplants too, like my top coon NoShit Sherlock. And I'm counting all you Canadians. Now ok, Canookies, before you get all peeved and start heaving cheese, YOU HAVE NEIL YOUNG.
Neil Young is GOD ALMIGHTY.
Did I say that about anyone in Britain? No. So just calm yer shit down.


Actually, I love you all. All of you. Everywhere. Even in Wisconsin. Even if you are not British. (That just means you have to try a little harder.)
Now quit asking me for money.

25 comments:

  1. it's your own fault for a) commenting on british blogs and b) being very very funny.

    now piss off*

    * see? british humour. fabulous.

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  2. We love you lot too, except for that strange man who said the Guantanamo triple suicide was an act of terror. I hope he spends eternity getting bumraped by Satan.

    And Starship. They were very bad.

    But you gave us Aretha Franklin and peanut butter, so that makes up for it, I suppose.

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  3. I've just realized. That's not an elephant's trunk curled up.

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  4. Kinda what Tim said, but I knew there was a reason I loved my nationality. Not only do I have a v. cool accent, but I also get to laugh at myself. All the time. Because that's British humour. That and fart and arse jokes...

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  5. If I'm American, but also love Python and agree that Neil Young is God Almighty -- could I still comment on this post?
    I wanted to add that the afternoon tea is really great, also Mary Ann Faithful, The Jam, and the Clash.

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  6. surly: slain-SLAIN! i tell you! i am SLAIN by your so wacky british humor of face laughing! so ha is me!
    tim: freedom of speech only means that some people feel free to talk out their ass. I have to agree about Aretha Franklin, though. she makes up for a lot.
    ara: yes it is. a wooly, circumcised lelephant who is proud to be a part of the swingin british empire.
    noshit: i am sorry but the germans invented fart and arse humor. except they call it scheisse und pootenfrappen. and blame it on the dog.
    mutha: yes you may. i relented there towards the end and included everybody. except that moron with the gitmo statement; hes right out.

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  7. Does this mean you've forgiven us Canucks for Celine Dion?

    Your John Cleese photo spread is ready, by the way. Go get him, tiger.

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  8. Can I still be British if I don't like Monty Python? (I love the Goons though if that counts for anything.

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  9. I am suspicious. The special relationship between Britain and the US is currently as robust as a chocolate surfboard. Before Bush can bomb Iran, we Brits need to fall in love with America, all over again. Nothing like a friendly ego-massage to help us do that.

    Which leads me to wonder: are you Donald Rumsfeld?

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  10. sweet god in heaven where DO you find these photos?

    theBF: she can't be don rumsfeld. he's not clever enough to write half the shit that appears on this blog.

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  11. An intelligent neo-con, then. Okay, that's an oxymoron. Suspicions allayed.

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  12. mj: babe, that MADE MY DAY. absolutely top of the line! but i gotta say 'no' to the celine dion query. nobody will ever forgive canada for celine dion. sorry.
    hendrix: i think RABID HEAVING monty python love is kind of an american thing. it came along here in 1973 here when all we had was the fucking Brady Bunch and it looked like the Second Coming. so you can still be british. i guess.
    bf: i will forgive you these unfounded and erroneous suspicions because i suspect cider and too much world cup are behind them. i want a chocolate surfboard.
    cb: the man's been sitting up all night watching the world cup and drinking nyquil and sprite. he's just tired.
    theres a whole website devoted to that...ill sidebar ya with it!
    flaneur: put down the jaegermeister and STEP AWAY FROM THE BOTTLE.
    neocon?
    NEOCON?
    you best hope you've been hitting the recreational liquers, neocon. shit.

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  13. I love the Brits for Alan Titchmarsh alone.

    sigh.

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  14. Ah the brits and gardening , leads to all sorts of problems...read up on vita sackville-west and the sissinghurst scandals - green fingers and loose knickers!!!!.
    My dear departed cousin used to present Gardeners World on the BBC...sadly my gardening skills are not up to scratch (family black sheep....oh the shame of it)

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  15. That picture... I'm speechless.

    And I now have Starship stuck in my head.

    But thanks loads, I think Americans are well cool.

    Now if you'll excuse me I think I have something in my eye...

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  16. May I take this opportunity to thank the US for root beer!!

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  17. FN, this is some real Love you're cultivating here. It's really very sweet; gives a warm tingly feeling.

    You would make a smart Secretary of State, i think, with your foreign affairs tactics. Then everyone will love the US again. Bravo.

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  18. whinger: lets get mucky!!!!!
    beast: vita you dirty whore! i had no idea. so she was up to THAT amongst the dahlias, hm?? probably how she kept the aphis down.
    billy: dont cry. after all, we stole the tune from your national anthem.
    hardhouse: you may. as long as you don't boil it.
    claire: i like to think i am healing old enmities between nations with a combination of superglue and some sticky candies i found in a drawer.

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  19. .....let me see if I read that right...my mum, a neoCon? GIMME A FUCKING BREAK WOULD A NEOCON RAISE A FOULMOUTHED NECROPHILIA OBSESSED STAINLESS STEEL AMAZON SUCH AS MYSELF AND THEN FUCKING BRAG ABOUT HER?!?!?!
    ....No, no I didn't think so.
    Okay then.

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  20. Poor old Queen Victoria - everyone gives her a hard time...except her husband. No wonder she looked so pissed off, she'd got used to a life of regular shagging. Those two bred like flies, unlike her predecessors, a right pair of bunny rabbits.

    LZ - yeah, great innit. Mind you, I think I've had value for money from American r'n'r too.

    Donny Rumbelow - is it just me, or does he look like a villain from 2000AD or something?

    I'll swap our John Cleese for your Larry David.

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  21. neur: calm down, darling. he is simply feeling rumbustious today. plus he's blind so we have to be nice to him.
    krusty: MY CLEESE! NO! NO! NEVER! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK! MINEMINEMINEMINEMINEMINEMINE!

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  22. I prefered the tits and arses in your previous post!

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  23. s.i.d: meaty, beaty, big and bouncy, eh sid?

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