Scorpion Brown Maddened By The Human Bombs

Occasionally rambling around old literature and art you run into these strange 'B' list legends that nobody's heard of, like Pyramus and Thisbe. Who the fuck; Pyramus? Thisbe?
I thought, well, fine, Pyramus and Thisbe. I'll have a look round the internet and see what falls out da calabash.

This is the first thing that popped up on the search, which I incidentally misspelled.
I have no idea what is going on here.
We have a nicely dressed young lady, wholly unaware of the tornado approaching from the upper right. She seems to have found a transvestite passed out next to her ugly fountain, which a flying baby roosts atop...fly, baby! fly! That thing sprays water out the top every five minutes and it's been four minutes already!
Meanwhile the lady is busy worrying about the transvestite. 'Oh crap' she thinks. 'Are we insured?'





Now this is a sad, little known episide from the life of Benny Hill. Seems he called the local Shriners Lodge to come and install a satellite dish and the poor man was struck by lightning, God evidently offended by the brevity of his tunic. Benny rushed outside in a dexadrine fueled frenzy and stuffed a breadknife through him. 'Manoona!! he shouted, slapping a little bald guy on the head.
I kind of like the pointy hat. But not even the pointy hat was enough to deter God's wrath.
It seldom is.





Ah hell, Thisbe.
You did it again, didn't you.
Your ear's stuck in the crack in the wall.
Dammit, how many times do we have to tell you; if the monkey tells you to do something, its probably not a good idea?











PIGPIIIIIIIIIIILE!



Ok. One tit is hanging out and BLOOD IS SHOOTING OUT OF HER CHEST. She is about to execute a full body block on what to all appearances is a dead guy...and we don't know how dead, either.
The next frame in this cartoon could be kinda gooey.

Time to consult Bullfinch.

All right, I'm back.
So apparently this is the ancient basis for the story of Romeo and Juliette. Shakespeares' version at least had the advantage of having been revised to frame a true story by a master; Bullfinch takes this poor defenseless legend and Victorians it all up till its just hard to read without urping up a little in your mouth. Here is the link. Use a basin. Make sure to wipe up if you splatter: http://www.syc.k12.pa.us/~sms/zart/mythology/bulfinch/fables/bull310.html
The thing that always bugged me about Romeo and Juliet is the same thing that bothered David Merrick...why in the hell didn't they take a couple seconds to MAKE SURE that the other one was dead instead of spazzing out and killing themselves like a couple of dipshits?




At least here Thisbe is giving it the old college try.
With one tit hanging out.*
Always do the stick test. If you poke it with a stick and it moves, it's not dead. But if it doesn't move, try an eye.

These things are important.



This is honestly called 'Pyramis and Thisbe II'. It is the winner of the coveted 'Plumb fucking eludes me' award.

'Jesus CHRIST, what kind of dog is that?'
'A mixed breed, effendi. Get it? It has two heads? Thats a little central asian joke.'
'Your humor arouses me. Let me satiate my uncircumcized lusts upon your heathen hindquarters.'


Here is a kid gooping around with a dead fish.
See? this is what it was like before they invented television. All we had were Legos and salmon. It was HARD.
Hey, it has as much to do with Pyramus and Thisbe as the dog picture did.







So what important lessons do we take away from 'Pyramus and Thisbe'?
1. Flying babies without diapers are a REALLY REALLY BAD IDEA.
2. God never did like Mary Quant
3. Monkeys will tell you stupid things
4. Always carry a pointy stick
5. Radioactive isotopes and dogs do not mix.

...Nope, I don't feel any smarter either.




*and and ugly fountain. and a flying baby.