The day before yesterday, watering the plants on the front porch, I got nailed in the leg by a wasp. Yesterday, on the motorcycle, I got nailed in the face by a honeybee. Right below the right eye; it felt like a damn rock. I was really lucky that I was a. wearing my goggles, except for the part where the poor bee got stuck under the foam part and scrabbled about a little bit, ew ew ew ew, and b. I am not allergic to stings. Because boy, I tell ya, I'd be in some sad fucking shape by now. This morning the side of my face is swollen up. Attractive! Looks stylin' with my Pekingese haircut too, I must say.
At least the Bumbler beebers are still my buddy *snif*
So I called the Dr's office for the results of my blood tests, and they gave me the old 'well, all we have here is a note in your chart saying to make an appointment to come in' so I'm about ninety percent certainI've got radioactive rat scabies and possum ass rash. Happy mother butt fucking joy joy.
Farewell, beloved refries.
FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK.
At least I will still have tomatoes.
And damn, do I have tomatoes. This is the beauty of choosing indeterminate plants; you don't get a huge glut all at once; just enough to always have fresh and a few to put up at the end of the day. My saladettes have been giving me a few every evening for the past couple of weeks, and I made a fresca sauce out of them with some olive oil and crushed black olives. Oh my god, food should not taste so good. Well, yes it should, but this was pornographic. I am so going with this variety next year. The tomato flavor is brilliant! It's a solid savory note, rich but not sweet or buttery, or ketchuppy. It has notes of citrus, but is not sour. It is juicy rather than 'meaty', but thick walled with very little gel, and that not sour. The skin is thin enough so that it dissolves readily with blending; so there is no need to blanch and peel whatsoever; and the seeds are small. Tell you what, I believe I have found the perfect sauce tomato, kids. The variety is 'Olpaka'. Write that the fuck down.
Now, my other variety is a beefsteak...*runs outside and pulls a tag* Big Beef. Now the reports are still coming in about its parentage, but what really bothers me is that the seed broker, Seminis, has been bought out by Monfuckingsanto. Monsanto, people. Better living through Frankenfood Monsanto. Seminis carries all the Northern range vegetable stock. Shit! And Big Beef is a hybrid, too, so you can't save the seed because it won't come true. But ANYWAY. That's a rant for another time.
Monday, July 24, 2006
bees hate me. tomatoes don't.
Anyway, it is giving me tomatoes the size of baseballs, glorious smooth things that are already beginning to mature red. The Yummy biker likes a hamburger sized slicer and he's going to get his wish this year.
I know someone is going to ask if I've ever tried making fried green tomatoes, and the answer is yes. And you know what? They blew. I used a Martha Stewart recipe-and god love her, but ol' Marthas recipes are sometimes a little goofy-and I suspect that might be part of the problem. Other folks have told me that the problem is the variety, or the age of the tomato...that it has to be on the ripe side of green instead of the green side of green. Well crap!
I know someone is going to ask if I've ever tried making fried green tomatoes, and the answer is yes. And you know what? They blew. I used a Martha Stewart recipe-and god love her, but ol' Marthas recipes are sometimes a little goofy-and I suspect that might be part of the problem. Other folks have told me that the problem is the variety, or the age of the tomato...that it has to be on the ripe side of green instead of the green side of green. Well crap!
This is one of those things that just sounds like it should be good and when it turned out shitty I was flummoxed. Does anyone have a clue? Batter dip and deep fry? Bacon grease in the iron skillet, cornmeal and milk? Beefsteak vs saladette? Green green or red-green? What?
The tomato has to be handled carefully when you are putting them up. Raw, full ripe and frozen is best for future cooking use. Upon thawing*, the water they cast can be discarded and an extra savory product is produced that needs less reduction time and can be seasoned at the very last moment with confidence.
The tomato has to be handled carefully when you are putting them up. Raw, full ripe and frozen is best for future cooking use. Upon thawing*, the water they cast can be discarded and an extra savory product is produced that needs less reduction time and can be seasoned at the very last moment with confidence.
Preserving a finished product, like sauce or soups, requires extra extra care and lots of tasting, because tomatoes can scorch in the wink of an eye...and they overcook in 20 minutes. After 20 minutes, you begin to lose brilliance and complexity and gain sweetness...it moves from fresh towards ketchup, in other words. Stop it dead in an icewater bath, stirring...and if you want to point a fan down into it too, thats all for the good.
*I do not can. I freeze. I tried canning once and it was....explosive. Think champagne. Think 14 burst quarts of finished marinara that continued to foam and ooze for twenty minutes. yeah. Crap. I long to have beautiful jars of canned produce to admire and savor during the winter...instead I have to thaw bricks, and it just isnt the same. Plus, if the power goes out, which it does here, in the winter, I'm fucked.
*I do not can. I freeze. I tried canning once and it was....explosive. Think champagne. Think 14 burst quarts of finished marinara that continued to foam and ooze for twenty minutes. yeah. Crap. I long to have beautiful jars of canned produce to admire and savor during the winter...instead I have to thaw bricks, and it just isnt the same. Plus, if the power goes out, which it does here, in the winter, I'm fucked.
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I started growing tomatoes with the full intention of making them all into sauce and then canning the sauce.
ReplyDeleteBwahahahahahahaha!
Someone would have to wrest them from my hand and the saltshaker from the other before that happens.
Conpletely with you on that one Whinger. I don't have a garden so I can't grow proper sized tomatoes but I cram cherry tomato plants onto every available windowsill (the variety is called money maker and starts cropping now right through to the end of september) I keep meaning to put them in salads (not enough for sauces or pickles) but somehow they never make it through from the bedroom windowsill to the kitchen.
ReplyDeleteSo, why did the tomato jars explode? I always wanted to try canning tomatoes, but I never heard about that part.
ReplyDeleteIs it what happens when they spoil in the jar, or is it just a natural problem with the things?
whinger: yeah, its tough, isn't it? and that smell out among the plants...mmmmmm.
ReplyDeletehendrix: tried sweet 100? you can hang it up like a trailing houseplant and it gets gorgeous long trusses of sweet little 'maters!
irma: no, apparently i didnt have something completely sterile, because the jar contents fermented and the gas that activity produced blew the jars apart. it literally smelled like tomato-booze. but i wasn't gonna try it!
i think it was wise of you not to try the exploded sauce... i'm pretty sure it's botulism that causes such things, and unless you plan to inject it into your face, it belongs in a hazmat container!
ReplyDeletei admire the fact that you grow your own tomatoes. i LOVE tomatoes... but growing 'em? not so much. as for those bees? man, i'd be totally screwed. i got a bee sting on my big toe (long story short: golfing in bare feet) and wound up with a purple stripe up my leg & my foot swollen twice its size. i'm guessing my face would be in the next county if a stinger got ahold of it!
mmmm fresh tomatoes. now i'm hungry. lovelovelove 'em marinated in balsamic vinegar, a little olive oil, and garlic & onions. (italian style) mmmmmmmmmm. xox
(i got your e-mail, by the way, and in my typical speedy e-mail response fashion, i shall try to respond tomorrow!! oooh, and thanks!)
Is "Big Beef" your nickname for the Yummy Biker?
ReplyDeleteYou can still eat refries...just buy the vegetarian ones that aren't chock-full-o animal fats.
ReplyDeleteDid you know you now cuss more than I do? It's all true! That is fuckin amazing!
Mmmm, home grown tomatoes.
ReplyDeleteBees - I got one square in the throat when I was out riding once. I managed to slow down and stop before my windpipe blocked. Obviously it didn't block entirely, but it was a good thing I wasn't still doing 125k.
But under your eye? EWWW.
I am with the Yummy Biker with the hamburger sized beefsteak slice , even better if the tomatoe is nicely chilled.
ReplyDeleteYum.
I seem to have a fatal attraction for wasps , they hunt me down , I have tried makng it clear I dont sting on the first date, but hey they give it a go anyways. :-(
Jellyfish seem to love me as well , my familly used to make me go and swim at the other end of the beach , with all my jellyfish chums.
I want to move in with you for a year so you can teach me all about The Way Things Are Meant To Be Done.
ReplyDeleteI love growing my own tomatoes and herbs. Fresh basil is the bees knees. A couple years ago I had serious probs with japanese beetles devouring my basil before i could use it. I asked a local expert if there was anything i could put on the basil to keep the beetles off. His answer: "marinara sauce." ha!
*imagines FN looking like Elephant Man after bee sting*
ReplyDeleteI will be picking my first tomato from the garden tonight! Bought a tomato plant at a street fair earlier this year - and it's heavy with little cherry toms at the mo', don't know the variety.
Life is too short to can tomatoes.
My Grampa grew toms in his green-house. The smell of tomato vines always bring back memories of hot summers out there with a basket to have some fresh still sun-kissed toms in a salad... Happy days.
ReplyDeleteI have been growing my own chillies , from seeds I scraped out of a fresh chilly.....you can then thread them on a string of cotton to dry out , they are evil , nearly blow the gussett out of your pants/knickers/underpants *
ReplyDelete*dependent on geographical location
neva: dang, you are ALLERGIC. that blows!- no pressure on the email. when it gets here it gets here.
ReplyDeletemj: rutgers named it after him! how'd you know?
neur: i fuckin' do not. and in this post i had plenty of reason to swear anyway. POTTY POOPIES.
mudlark: nothing like those midair collisions. lord, in the throat? thats just not fair.
beast: wasps eat wood. do you smell like, ahem, wood? -ew jellyfish. ew ew ew ew. if i'm barefoot on the beach, even if i'm 400 miles inland, there will be a dead jelly and i will step in it, ew.
cba; milky spore will take care of the jbeetles. marinara sauce works well also. real well. damn well, in fact.
frobi: ratty, that would be funny if it weren't true. today one side of my face looks distinctly shar pei.-got my toms at the farmers market too. i'll never buy commercial again, man, these plants were stout. yay for ratty tomatoes!
noshit: isnt it great to go outside and pick your dinner out of the garden? pure luxury. nothing like warm fresh tomatoes!
beast: i am jealous. i can't seem to grow the hot chiles here..just bells and anaheims. i can hear your gusset flapping from here.
My mouth is watering - nothing like a nice fresh tomatoe off the vine. Scissorhands has the gardening going for us and summer brings us some nice tomatoes - although I'll have to check on the variety when I get home. I swear his mom and aunt give us some plants and do those ole gals know their gardening! They should start their own little nursery.
ReplyDeleteSay, do you have pictures of your tomatoes?
Mmmmm, I really like tomatoes. Especially fresh off the vine, not shop-bought.
ReplyDeleteThat's made me very hungry all of a sudden.
I had a lovely vision of you, speeding along like The Red Baron, avec googles Snoopy-style. But then you spoiled it all with the pekingese hair-do.
ReplyDeleteSo you and the Goonybird - Spotty and Lumpy?
Take care out there. I hope the swelling goes down soon.
Anyone else scoffing ripe black cherries like there's no tomorrow?
Bangs head against wall repeatedly.
ReplyDeleteGOGGLES
GOGGLES
GOGGLES
g: coming right up!
ReplyDeletebilly: come over and we'll have tomato and cheese panini!
ara: the spots are gone and the lumps are shrinking. turning gross colors, but shrinking. hell yeah, cherries; we have to race the starlings and the robins for them! waiting impatiently for the himalayan blackberries to come on!
Bees: I was walking down the street in front of my apartment (two days before I got married) when a bee decided to fly between my foot and the inside of my flip-flop -- right in that very moment between flip and flop. I put my foot down in stride and was immediately stung. I screamed. The old man working in his yard about three feet from me screamed. I sat on the sidewalk and nursed my foot. The old man exclaimed, "YOU OUTTA BE MORE CAREFUL!!"
ReplyDeleteGood luck at the doctor's Girlie --no freaking until you get the ass rash low-down.