Saturday, August 16, 2008

Quaint vignettes form my charming rural idyll

Would you like to know why I have finally decided, after some serious deliberation I might add- to cast my vote for Barack Obama?

Here's the feather that balanced the scale:

..Mr. Cleese cradles his picture of Martha Stewart protectively, daring the world to pry it from his grasp

As long as I'm going to be participating in a ersatz political exercise like the American presidential election I figure I might as well back the intelligent choice. (Using the word 'choice' in this context with an almost unbearable weight of irony attached.)

That, by the way, is the first and last pronouncement I will ever make on the subject of presidential politics. My views are clearly stated right over there >>> in the 'about me' thingie.

Yesterday while I was out buying denture adhesive for my father-inlaw I saw the most amazing MULLET I have ever, ever seen. I think it deserves its own unique classification, although I'll be damnded if I can think of a name for it. In fact I can't even think of how to describe it completely without pictures, and of course I didn't have my camera. I'll have to resort to 'Paint' here:

The inset frames a representation of the hair as it would look without a tweaker standing underneath it.

As you can see if you bothered to click it to make it bigger, this hairstyle was divided into distinct 'zones'. I believe this was the result of two combined factors: the highly original cut, and partly because the mans hair was just...huge! Tons of huge! Tight and loopy like black astrakhan, which is the peelings off an unborn baby sheep.

Guy was pretty obviously street to the core. You probably can't accuse him of's got to be difficult to hold down a job when you have to spend so much of your time whapping about at random with a shitty stick just to keep that 'poon at bay.


Really, though, what would you call it? You've got some undershave going on, then an abrupt detour into DeBarge - Milli-Vanilli country, some fade, a distinct disco vibe, a certain anarchic whiff of punk, another tangent we'll name 'Cyndi Lauper meets Raymond Loewy'...and of course the whole 'West Virginia Waterfall' theme overall.

It plumb fuckin' eludes me. Any suggestions?


  1. Perhaps he should wear a trilby.

    I despise young men about town unadorned in appropriate headgear.

    Perhaps you should educate him fn.

  2. I think the sheer, raw sexay inherent in the mullet form would spontaneously reject such 'gilding of the lilly' and there would be a big freaky HEAD FIGHT with all they be punching each other out and biting and thrashing and shit atop the dudes head there.

    which would be pretty cool, though...

  3. Get with the ruby shoes fn.

    I'll stick with my ride.

  4. *avoids question, as usual*

    Denture adhesive?

    Couldn't you just affix his dentures into his head with a caulking gun?

  5. Anonymous9:13 PM

    i've never really understood the mullet.

  6. Anonymous10:39 PM

    um it's obviously the heat 105 is pretty hot. Here on the coast it has not budged above 75, I love it.

    Mullet, isn't that some kind of fish?

    Politics? I don't matter who gets elected, it is as if the Devil and God traded jobs and they are required to adhere to the job description just to get the job done kay? But do vote. I highly encourage it. Retro

  7. I vote in a little brick building where we had our dads funeral party. When I vote it is usually attended by the oldest women in hooterville who still drive. They get older and more shrunken with each session. The building is musty smelling from age and cigarette smoke and tuna casserole of the previous funeral party. Small town living is great!

  8. Its got elements of Amy Whinehouses Crazeeeeeeee beehive about it .
    Now Miss Whinehouse looks like she should smell of piss , did this gentleman have the same aura ?
    If he did I suggest his is th stag to Amy's doe so to speak

  9. instead of the denture adhesive , may I suggest a layer of Frobishers Dorset Apple cake , the way that stuck in the baking tin , those denture suckers wouldn't be going anywhere for a very long time.

  10. garfy: a broom?

    mj: too permanent. I'll let you think about that one.

    pink: nobody understands the mullet. its chief element is surprise.

    retro: here is your education for the day:
    The BEST site on the web for new and seasoned mullet hunters. oh yes. just remember...what you see, can never be unseen.

    gale: i vote in a similar setting...complete with the tiny little old ladies who have to touch the registry with their noses before they can read it! small towns!

    beast: it does! its positively winehousian! and no, i didn't dare inhale...smell is particulate.//hey now. apple cake is good. so is my ratso, according to the boys down at the firehall.

  11. That takes the Mullet far beyond 'hockey hair' and to another level. Thanks for the graphic.

  12. TT: welcome welcome! I loved it when you kicked the snot out of Maureen O'Haras big brother.

  13. dunno, but that sketch you make looks like a mexican mulleted Ty. HA

  14. SSA: hey now you! Ty's cuter and not as lumpy. this guy was muy lumpy.
    i just went to the mullet site and nope; this is an entirely new, undescribed species!!!!! YOU SLACKERS BETTER GET CRACKIN ON THE NAME!!!!!

  15. Frobisher's cake must be farted upon!

  16. i have no idea what is going on.

    i just popped my big fat head in between working and decided to give a shout out.

    Long live penis!

    Not that i know what one looks like.

    Dang it.

  17. I did not research this, the name for the mullet has probably already been taken however here goes:


    'nuff said.

  18. It has to be a Gullet for Gigantic Mullet

  19. I call it ART.

    Both the 'do and the cartoon representation.